In a way, our lives are shaped by habits and routines.

What we do defines who we are, and to some extent, if we change our way of living day to day we are also changing ourselves. Our habits have transformative power, and this can also be applied to emotional intelligence.

In fact, the very idea of what emotional intelligence is suggests that it can be trained through routines. If emotional intelligence is, in short, our capacity to manage emotions successfully , and we make the way in which these emotions appear to vary, we will also be transforming the challenge of dealing with them into something else.

11 habits of people with good emotional intelligence

Below I present 11 habits that characterize people with high intelligence . Taking into account this list of characteristics can be helpful to know to what extent we are near or far from this “ideal” of an emotionally intelligent person and also to try out new strategies to develop this type of intelligence.

But this is a collection of characteristics that serve as a guide, not as an absolute criterion to differentiate people with high emotional intelligence from those who are not. Intelligence is a grey scale, not two categories clearly separated from each other .

1. learn to express their feelings clearly

People with high emotional intelligence know that managing their own emotions does not mean repressing them . However, they also know that, when we are in the company of other people, we have to take into account the way they interpret what we express. Balance is the key to interactions.

Therefore, they try to find ways to reveal their emotional state honestly , without generating contradictory messages. This requires training in the way they self-examine their emotions, which leads us to the next point. We are talking about sincere and authentic people.

2. Always listen to their own needs

Having a good emotional intelligence means, among other things, to be clear at all times that human needs go far beyond the physiological ones , such as food or drink, and include others of an emotional nature. That is why people with high emotional intelligence get used to reflecting on what they feel, and that they have the same amount of needs of this type as any other person.

Monitoring this dimension of one’s own psychology gives the possibility of improving when it comes to making a diagnosis of the possible emotional conflicts that can be generated in oneself.

3. They are trained to identify feelings well

There is little point in monitoring emotional state if you cannot distinguish one type of emotion from another. That is why those people who stand out for having a good emotional intelligence make an effort to find the differences and similarities between those emotional nuances they feel .

They can do this both by focusing on their own emotions and those of others, or even by soaking up works of fiction in which the characters have complex personalities and a well-developed psychological dimension. Moreover, they should develop their own way of designating these emotions, using words they know well.

4. They struggle to manage their attention well

People with high emotional intelligence are aware that there are so many painful experiences in the world that if we were to focus on them alone, we would not raise our heads. However, they also know that something similar happens with happy experiences, so if we only had the latter in our heads, we would live in a very stimulating reality, although very separate from reality.

That is why they try to direct their attention according to criteria of usefulness for themselves , and do not fall into the trap of entering a loop of optimism or pessimism that traps their way of perceiving things. In other words, they govern their focus of attention so that it does not govern them.

5. They analyze the feasibility of their aspirations

Although in capitalist society it is rewarded to take risks without thinking practically about the consequences of failure, emotionally intelligent people tend to decide on which projects to invest their time and efforts depending on the expected possibilities of success, so as not to work on an unrealistic framework of expectations.

In this way, success or failure does not come so suddenly that they cannot assimilate its impact.

6. They tend to avoid believing that others want to harm them

Emotionally intelligent people don’t have to be trusted , but at the same time they don’t believe that the plans or motivations of others will harm them, as if this were a desired goal. That is why they rarely take incidents personally.

7. They exercise self-criticism

Looking back and recognizing mistakes can be as useful as it is therapeutic, and that is why self-criticism is a highly valued resource for people with high emotional intelligence .

This will not only make it difficult for certain conflicts with other people to become entrenched, but also allow them to have a more realistic and detailed view of both their own capacities and the aspirations and motivations that drive them. This provides them with better resources to overcome their fears and progress on a daily basis.

8. Spend time learning what other people are like

Emotional intelligence also consists of not going with prefabricated speeches about how different types of emotions are .

That is why in order to make use of this capacity it is necessary to first learn on the ground about what these emotions are like and how they are expressed in each of the people who matter, in order to know how best to relate to them.

9. Learn ways to be self-motivated

One of the best ways to learn to recognize one’s own style of expressing emotions is to experiment with what is motivating and what is not . Moreover, the results of this learning process can be applied instantly.

Recommended article: “60 motivational phrases to focus on success”

10. Spend time with the people they connect with best

People with high emotional intelligence do not have to seek the company of people who resemble them , but they do have to seek the company of those with whom they fit best. However, from time to time they go out of their comfort zone to open up to new friendships, which allows them to know more about themselves.

11. They are not afraid to meet new people

People with high emotional intelligence, despite being more or less extroverted, are able to open up to new experiences .

This also has a positive influence on its social aspect. They are people who are not afraid to meet other people, even though they may come from worlds other than their own.

Related article: “Guide to meeting new people”