Regardless of our intentions and interests, our emotions always condition the way we behave. But although we cannot take full control of our emotional side, we can modulate the way it is expressed. And this is especially important when what happens to us has to do with the so-called negative emotions, which are those linked to psychological distress.

Knowing how to express emotional pain in an appropriate way in our lives and in our personal relationships is, therefore, very important, because in case we leave this task unattended, the moments of crisis can aggravate the problems in which we are involved. Outbursts of uncontrolled anger, unjustified hostility, adoption of a paralyzing defeatism… These are psychological states that can sink us further if we do not manage them well.

Why it is important to express emotional pain in a healthy way

If there is one thing we humans fail to do when it comes to managing our emotions, it is to try to deny what makes us feel bad. Whatever we do, we will always live experiences that make us suffer , and trying to make it look like they didn’t happen or that they don’t affect us is not something that helps; on the contrary.

If we try to deny or omit what makes us feel bad, it is more likely that at the wrong time it will make us act in an unexpected way that is difficult to control. Emotions always make their way through our actions and the way we express ourselves, and we’d better be prepared to modulate, even a little, those moments when our emotional side takes over .

Thus, if we find ways to channel the emotions linked to psychological distress, we will be able to prevent them from being misunderstood or causing more pain to others.

How to modulate and express emotional pain well

In order to get your emotions of psychological pain, the following tips can help you.

1. Talk to someone close to you

Being able to match your own ideas about how you feel with what others think about those ideas helps a lot.

On the one hand, it allows us to verbally express how we feel, and all this in a safe environment where we feel supported. On the other hand, allows us to relativize the importance of some facts that produce emotional pain . The fact is that, seen from a somewhat more serene and distant perspective, some events lose dramatic power and we are able to face them in a more constructive way. Having a second or third opinion helps to detect those ideas that are based on excessive pessimism.

2. Discharge stress in a controlled way: do sport

There are painful emotions that lead us to a state of tension and constant vigilance. To be able to express their effects in a proper and healthy way, there is nothing like doing sport. If we exercise our muscles, part of this “overload” of energy will be invested in these tasks that require us to control our attentional focus well. After these sessions, the emotional pain may still be there, but we will no longer experience it from a feeling of alarm .

3. Have an explanation ready about what is happening to you

You should consider informing the others about what is happening to you so that they know how to interpret certain unusual behaviour on your part .

Simply having this information ready will not prevent you from facing these situations (improvising a “report” on what happens to you just when you are suffering the consequences of this discomfort is not comfortable and you may prefer not to do it, if necessary).

4. Avoid hot discussions

When we are suffering the full effects of emotional pain, this is no time to argue. If there is any indication that conflict situations may arise, it is worth leaving the discussion for another time. Also, it’s good to say explicitly that you’re putting off that conversation for just that reason. Especially in these situations, honesty is a value to be claimed.

5. Use relaxation techniques

Intervening on physiological processes can greatly reduce anxiety. By doing this, we act on one of the fundamental aspects of behaviour and the state of mind experienced, as making anxiety less so creates a chain reaction that, in general, will be beneficial.

6. Keep a diary

Keeping track of how you feel on a daily basis will help you better understand what is happening to you while expressing that emotional pain. Re-reading these pages will make it easier to work constructively to solve the underlying problem , either by modifying things around you or by working on your emotions and your philosophy of life.

7. Careful with food

Food binges are a common trap for many people who are having a hard time or falling prey to anxiety. Eating offers an immediate reward, a feeling of pleasure that allows us to mask for a short period of time that which we would like to forget . Therefore, the best possible trick is to have a very systematic control over what is ingested, and not to expose oneself to temptations. For example, literally stay away from the most addictive food.

8. Remember that no one has absolute truth

Something that helps a lot to express emotional pain in a healthy way is to be aware that one does not have the absolute truth about what is happening. That means that anger, sadness or the feeling of defeat are not elements that are there, existing independently of us, as if they were realities we know and nothing more. We not only know them: we also create them.