Traffic, skyscrapers, noise, hurry… The
postmodern society is characterized by a frenetic rhythm, in which time has a price and a specific objective at each moment.

As Zygmunt Bauman postulates in his "Liquid Modernity" (2000), currently stability is unfeasible and flexibility is advocated . This fact means that everything is ephemeral and must be taken advantage of: the information received, the virtual presence in social networks, social and working life.

And the personal one? Where is our personal life?

A frenetic society that does not allow us to meditate

In a world where intimacy and self-knowledge are in danger of extinction,
the trend towards individual retirement is increasing. Eremittance or solitary confinement is a technique present throughout the millennia used for spiritual purposes, but in the process of which it fostered self-discovery .

Thus, feeling buried under the masses of the cities, the solution is to move away from them. Fray Luis de León already said it in his "Ode to a Life in Retreat": "what a restful life, the one from which the worldly noise flees

However, being social beings by definition, in order to be "beings" we must move away from the "social"?

Benefits of solitude

If eremitism has persisted and become a social trend, it is because it brings benefits to people. Surely throughout our lives, we have withdrawn at some point and felt a strange form of well-being.

  • Oxygenate the information processor . Moving away from the crowd means moving away from all its various sources of information. It allows us to reduce the amount of information and to allow our processor to recover from the overload.
  • Restore vital rhythm . Just as with information, our vital rhythm is also accelerated between skyscrapers. That is when in a place where time does not escape, there is no room for haste or stress.
  • Increasing the sentiment of secondary information . After the process of information detoxification and with a more serene rhythm, we are able to process elements that we have always seen but, until now, not attended to.
  • Development of beliefs . Without distractors around, we are able to use all our capacity to process the beliefs that accompanied us when we were in the crowd. Our ideas and values acquire clarity and evolve, becoming more complex and contemplating aspects that previously remained alien.

Dysfunctions of loneliness

While all of the above processes are beneficial,
also carry certain risks . Even the staunchest hermits kept close to other people, thus revealing that isolation includes certain shortcomings that by itself cannot satisfy.

  • Construction on unadaptive beliefs . Solitude allows for self-discovery through construction on beliefs. Therefore, if the base beliefs from which we start are dysfunctional, as they gain in complexity, there is also the danger that they will do so in maladjustment.
  • Unidimensionality . Isolation and the absence of others make it impossible to contemplate other points of view that enrich one’s self.
  • Dogmatism of individuality . As long as other perspectives are not acquired and erroneous beliefs are developed, the individuality of the person is increased. In other words, one becomes more singular and his contact with the world less permeable. In this way the social presentation of the person is made more difficult, since there is now more distance and difference with others.
  • Social maladjustment of self-discovery . The three previous threats cause the person to diminish her social skills. Understanding that social life implies interaction between several people, elaborating dysfunctional beliefs, without including the others and being impervious, alters the person’s relationship with her/his social environment.

Self in the group: the key to finding oneself

Clearly, it was to be expected that some inconvenience could occur in solitude, since every coin has two sides. Therefore, it is necessary to consider other options such as self-knowledge through the group. Normally the group relations in this sense are characterized by dedicating exclusively to leisure areas. However, with rules, involvement and intentionality,
it is possible that the group has therapeutic effects that can be extrapolated to an individual level, beyond a few cups .

  • Heterogeneity. The most basic benefit of the group lies in itself: in not being alone. The three basic premises of the group according to Lewin (1951) are interaction, exchange and interdependence; and with them the group is able to share and cooperate. In this way, different perspectives and points of view are known, expanding one’s own.
  • Correction of beliefs . The first effect resulting from group heterogeneity is the correction of one’s beliefs. Sharing allows the self-evaluation of one’s own beliefs based on those of others, discovering those aspects that did not work and correcting them.
  • Addition of beliefs . Many times, the same correction process involves the inclusion of external beliefs, since including other eyes, allows us to see something in different ways.
  • Social adaptability of self-discovery . While in personal development there is a place for the social, there is also a place for how to relate to the social. That is to say, at the same time that one acquires different views of the world, the behavioural repertoire is expanded, the “what is most beneficial to do”.
  • Social self-knowledge . In the group not only the individual self is developed, but also the social self. Being in relation with others implies a way of projecting ourselves to them, a different way of being interpreted by each of the other members and, therefore, a unique way of dealing with them. This feedback gives us information about how our social self is and, many times, we nourish our individual self from it. It is thus beneficial to observe “what I cause” in order to know “what I am”.
  • Resource management . A final aspect to be highlighted is that, unlike solitude, groups do not so easily allow for isolation from information intoxication or from the accelerated pace of life. However, they do have the capacity to distribute these burdens, to share the uneasiness of stress and anxiety. Thanks to this, the management of the individual’s resources is improved, which is often necessary since, when descending from the hermitage, one will again encounter the worldly noise.

Alone or in company?

So,
there is no single option for self-discovery, to find oneself in this society . One can either opt for the solitude of isolation, or for group company. A determining factor in choosing can be as simple as economic status or dedication. Retirement is a more flexible option, which the person can carry out when planning. This is not the case for the group, as it involves attending to the needs of several people. Other difficulties lie in the involvement of each person with the group and the resilience needed to learn how to manage it in times of storm.

The options are exposed: look at yourself or let yourself be looked at. Just like in front of the mirror,
we are aware of having two eyes, a nose and a mouth; but only before this one are they shown to us clearly . It is then that we can understand society as that reflection of ourselves. Now, what is more real? Could you live without your reflection?

Another important tip: approach day-to-day life positively

A few days ago
we have put together a collection of positive phrases that can help you find yourself and face everyday life with more optimism, energy and good vibes.

You can read them here:
“25 short positive phrases for better day-to-day focus.”
And we also recommend this compilation: “20 wise phrases to reflect on life”

Bibliographic references:

  • Bauman, Z. (2000). Liquid Modernity. Buenos Aires: Fondo de Cultura Económica.
  • Lewin, K. (1951). Field theory in social science. Barcelona: Paidós, 1988.