At a time when the freedom to live life as we wish is increasingly valued, the issue of commitment in the couple is very complex .

Nowadays individualism permeates everything, and that for some means that certain intense emotional ties, such as love as a couple, no longer make much sense. However, any love relationship requires a certain amount of commitment, something that shows that we are willing to invest efforts in it .

In the following lines we will see several key ideas to cultivate commitment in the couple and at the same time prevent it from becoming a constant and unhealthy control system that turns the relationship into a tyranny.

What is commitment in a couple?

Any couple’s relationship needs, to survive, more than the pure feeling of love . To sustain and develop it requires material elements, an environment in which it can thrive. In the end, love is nothing more than the people who make it up: it does not exist if there are no bodies, and bodies need an environment in which to live their daily lives.

The commitment in the couple is the set of all those guarantees that show that the couple’s relationship has and will have a context in which to develop and exist as such. Therefore, its fundamental component is stability, which allows us to be confident that the engagement or marriage has a future .

For example, all those initiatives that have to do with finding a work schedule that allows a minimum number of hours of the week to be spent together is an expression of commitment in the couple, and the same goes for finding a place where a flat can be rented to live as a couple, if that is the will of both.

How can we promote commitment and stability in the couple?

These tips can be very helpful in strengthening the commitment in the couple and creating an environment in which it is possible to make plans for the future together.

1. Securing material means of living as a couple

It may sound unromantic, but if you don’t work to achieve and maintain the minimum conditions for living together , it is very difficult for the commitment to be maintained.
That means, for example, that you have to take care of all the material elements that are shared and that allow you to share a place.

On the other hand, if you want to live in the same building you have to take into account that this space is more than a roof over your head, since it fits both your needs (and since it would be difficult to find another place that would satisfy both your needs, it is even more valuable).

2. Betting on honesty

Honesty is one of the main values to cultivate in a relationship.

Of course, maintaining a healthy love bond does not mean having to share each and every secret we have since our individuality must be preserved, but anyway, we must get used to sharing with the other person opinions, reflections, concerns, beliefs and everything that structures our way of being and behaving.

Only through honesty is it possible to show that the couple is standing on an equal footing, since with all the relevant information on the table, each person knows what can be expected from the other and what the other wants in life.

3. Appreciating the sacrifices of others

Even though making an effort for the couple is indispensable for this enjoyment of good health, it is necessary not to forget that every time a sacrifice is made to keep the bond alive, this is a reason for gratitude and a sign of appreciation.

4. Maintaining respect

Respecting the other person is a basic need in relationships, not only in maintaining stability and expressing love commitment.

However, with regard to the topic we are dealing with here, respect brings the idea that the other person is recognized as a being with criteria and will of his own, capable of making his own decisions autonomously, and therefore expresses his value. This is a guarantee that he or she will be a decisive part of the direction taken by the relationship in the future.

5. Search for relational symmetry

It must be ensured that the forms of commitment are the same for both, without the situation arising that only one has to meet certain requirements, while the other is not subject to this rule. In this way, it becomes clear that important decisions will not be made unilaterally .

Bibliographic references:

  • Sternberg, R.J. (1987). “Liking versus loving: A comparative evaluation of theories”. Psychological Bulletin. 102(3): 331–345.
  • Giles, James (1994). “A theory of love and sexual desire”. Journal for the Theory of Social Behaviour. 24(4): 339-357.