Love relationships can become a roller coaster of emotions . The moments of euphoria may be followed shortly after by bad seasons marked by couple’s crises.

That is why, sometimes, something we could call “broken heart syndrome” appears. Of course, it is not a disease, but a set of symptoms that go hand in hand with a marked emotional pain that, on the other hand, is not so uncommon throughout life and is experienced by many people at one time or another.

Now, just because broken heart syndrome is not a disease does not mean that we should give up trying to alleviate its effects; it is perfectly legitimate to wish to be well and to save ourselves a good deal of suffering. To do so, we should start with a definition.

What is broken heart syndrome?

Broken heart syndrome is the set of psychological states and processes through which the discomfort generated by a disappointment in love or a break-up is expressed.

It can appear, for example, in cases of unrequited love, after becoming aware of an infidelity, or when discovering that the person we felt something for is not what we originally believed.

In short, broken heart syndrome is composed of emotional and physiological elements (such as distress and stress), cognitive elements (such as recurring thoughts), and behavioral elements (such as the desire to physically reunite with that person or some nervous tics produced by anxiety).

How to feel good again after a disappointment

As always, when intervening on the psychological problem, there are more specific aspects to be studied on a case-by-case basis and others that are more general. The former, in case the discomfort is very intense and persistent, it would be useful to address them with the help of psychotherapy, but in many other cases it is possible to focus on certain basic rules for emotional pain to decrease more effectively through strategies that one takes care of implementing oneself.

Here are some of the possible situations in which broken heart syndrome may occur

1. The unilateral break

In cases where our partner has ended the relationship unilaterally, there are two things that cause discomfort: not enjoying the company of the couple again in the usual way and, at the same time, indecision about what to do.

With regard to the latter, in the medium and long term it is best for everyone to assume as a fact that the relationship has ended and that it is not up to us to re-establish the links of the past. To believe that one can make the other person come back and everything goes on as it was in the best of times is not only unreasonable; it is to have a possessive vision about the other person .

Therefore, in this scenario our efforts should focus on getting back to feeling good about ourselves regardless of whether we have a relationship or not. This article may be helpful to you in doing so:

2. Infidelity and cognitive dissonance

Both in cases where the other person has committed an infidelity (understood as a transgression of the fundamental pacts on which the relationship has been built) and in cases where a facet of the other person is discovered that we did not know about and that we rejected, the idea is similar: there is new information that does not fit with our beliefs about what we believed the relationship to be .

This phenomenon of “mismatching” between ideas is called cognitive dissonance, and can lead to a lot of anxiety.

In these cases, it is necessary to reflect on the belief system on which our idea of the relationship is based and see if what we know now is irreconcilable with our feelings. To do so, for example, we can explore alternative explanations about what is happening , some of which may serve to reach a conclusion opposite to the one we originally held .

Then we judge which explanation is more reasonable and better describes reality, in a simpler way and without leaving so many loose ends. That belief system, which may or may not be new, will be best suited to integrate this new information and to act accordingly.

3. Unrequited love

Broken heart syndrome can also occur when there has not even been a real relationship .

In these cases it is important to focus on preventing irrational and unfounded beliefs from undermining our self-esteem, something that can happen because, by losing sight of a possible future scenario that we had hoped for, we can perceive this as a personal loss, something that speaks to that of ourselves for “having failed”.

We need to examine what happened and how our expectations gradually led us to start living in an imaginary world where the relationship has already begun to exist (long before it did in the real world).

Similarly, we must ask ourselves why it should affect our self-esteem if we do not manage to build a stable relationship with that particular person ; after all, many people live perfectly well without even knowing them or knowing them by sight; no one is predestined to know a specific person and not the others.