The experiences that we live throughout our lives, especially in the infancy stage, can have a great influence on our development, and even generate negative impacts on our brain, in the form of traumas and intrusive ideas . The “healing” of these can be complex. These memories can present themselves in the form of suffering in the adult stage, and are an echo of those episodes of great intensity and emotional imprint experienced in childhood.

When someone has experienced episodes of physical or emotional abuse, or has not received the necessary care from their attachment figures, it is possible that they may later suffer psychological consequences. However, some of the “guilt” for this damage is the same mechanism that the brain uses to protect us from complicated situations. Let’s look at it.

Blocked memories

In the face of certain harmful and traumatic experiences, on a physiological level, there is an alteration in the brain structures, as well as a great affectation on an emotional level. There are times when an event appears and we do not know how to handle it and we are flooded with strong and lasting negative emotion.

In consultation I like to ask my patients to imagine that the brain is like a computer that contains all the information, experiences and memories of their life collected, organized and processed in folders. But, when an event surpasses us, the lived experiences are stored in other different memory networks. The memories related to the overwhelming negative experience have been blocked and fragmented, as if they had been frozen, isolated from the rest of the organized folders. It happens with these memories that we have not had the opportunity to process, since our brain has wanted to help us by removing them from our daily life, because otherwise it would generate a very intense emotion that would be difficult to bear.

But… what’s going on? Well, for this help that our brain gives us we pay a price, since at a given moment these experiences will be activated by a trigger stimulus, that is, a new experience or situation that makes us re-experience what happened before in an unconscious way, and everything comes to light. Sometimes they are little things that we cannot control but that make us feel as if we are really reliving that moment .

While most memories end up being forgotten, those that refer to such experiences are too intense to simply be forgotten, but they are not sufficiently contextualized and linked to our predominant beliefs, ideas and values to be part of that network of memories through which we move normally.

An example of a traumatic memory

Perhaps with this example it can be better understood. Imagine a child who at the age of 7 was in a car accident with his parents. The three of them were very serious, but they finally managed to get out of it. At home they did not talk about what had happened, not only about the accident, but also about the slow recovery that followed in which their lives were in danger. There was no opportunity to explain to the child what had happened, so that he could understand that experience and integrate it into his perception of reality.

This event is archived in the brain, but it is kept without being associated with the thoughts that accompanied it that day and during the following ones. Moreover, the brain, which is very good to us and always wants to protect us, retains this event deep within it so that this child can continue with his normal life.

A few years go by and this kid turns 18. His biggest dream is to get his driving licence, but on his first day of practical classes and once he is in the car, he begins to feel very anxious and very nervous, so much so that he is unable to start the car and drive, without knowing why. It is at this point that he experiences again what happened that afternoon when he was 7 years old.

What happens is that from a painful experience for the person, the information is stored in the brain in a dysfunctional way . When archived in this way, the information cannot be integrated or used by the person.

In the case of children who have suffered abuse, neglect or abandonment , the brain learns to protect itself and can adopt two distinct modes of functioning. It can become a hypervigilant brain, that is, the brain is constantly alert, even to stimuli that are not dangerous or life-threatening. Our body reacts as if something bad is happening.

But it doesn’t stop there; our brain can also take a form contrary to hypervigilance, i.e. it can be under-activated. In these situations it is blocked, and many of the memories related to that disturbing event may not be remembered. This process will allow the individual to tell the event in a neutral way without emotional charge, such as by separating from it.

Advantages and disadvantages of this protection

That our brain protects us in this way can be very advantageous, since it leaves us free of suffering and allows us to continue with our life, but the truth is that in the long run has multiple and uncomfortable consequences.

Perhaps the emotions of those who are living this experience are numbed, or there may be times when they begin to feel a certain anxiety and don’t quite know why. It is possible that he has experienced something that has led him to that hidden memory of the past, so if he does not work on it the effect of this memory can appear again and again.

Sometimes, it is very difficult to detect that the damage of the past still continues in the present, since as I have explained above, emotions, and sometimes also memories, are dissociated or blocked. But it is important to work on these experiences, since in some cases they can lead to the appearance of disorders. Remember, the past cannot be forgotten, but it can be worked on so that we do not constantly re-experience it and continue to damage ourselves.