We all know someone who has once fallen in love in an obsessive way and without control. In fact, for many people, love is not conceived in that way. This interpersonal fusion taken to the limit, this feeling that you cannot live without the other, magnify him or her, idealize him or her, does not usually come to fruition if it is not stopped in time.

In fact, this uncontrolled and limitless love alienates those who suffer it, who stop feeling like a complete and independent person and come to believe that there is no life without the other, as happened to Anna Karenina. In this article we will talk about a concept that we could call Anna Karenina’s syndrome .

What is Anna Karenina Syndrome?

Anna Karenina is a fictional character who stars in the literary work of the same name, written by Lev Tolstoy in 1877. This classic of world literature reflects the tragic circumstances in which too intense and passionate love can lead .

The protagonist, who in the novel is married, falls madly in love with another man, a military man named Vronsky, and ends up leaving everything for him. And that’s all, her husband, her social position, her son, and finally her life.

Anna Karenina Syndrome is related to an obsessive affective pattern characterized by an absolute dependence on the beloved figure. This considerably affects the rest of the person’s life domains, which lose importance and are eclipsed by THE OTHER with capital letters, which ends up encompassing everything.

Those who suffer from this syndrome, like the protagonist, are capable of anything to be by the side of the one they love.

We have countless examples in the cinema of this type of passionate lack of control , as is the case of the Disney mermaid, who loses her condition as a mermaid, abandons her family, her environment, and even gives her voice in order to be by the side of the idealized loved one.

Is it therefore harmful to love intensely?

Contrary to what Hollywood and the top 40 hits sell us, obsessive love is without a doubt the worst form of love. Although at first this emotional flood may seem attractive , it can end up becoming one of the worst diseases that human beings can experience.

This way of loving is linked to anguish: anguish at the thought that the loved one may stop loving us, anguish at not always having him by our side, anguish at the fear of being deceived.
Therefore, “without you I am nothing” and “I cannot live without you” are examples not to be followed when assuming a role in the relationship .

What are the consequences of this emotional phenomenon?

There are many consequences of loving so intensely, from losing one’s way in life, plummeting in self-esteem, loss of one’s integrity and emotional balance … To other more dire consequences, such as those that Anna carries out in the book.

Don’t love me so much, love me better

It is therefore recommended not to focus on the quantity of love given or received, but on the quality of it. There are a number of aspects that we can work on to avoid falling into this syndrome:

  • To be architects of our own happiness . Not to look for it outside but inside. To unite with others as life partners, not as crutches, bandages, nurses or psychologists.

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  • “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” Maintain friendships, hobbies, family relationships, and an enriching life beyond the relationship.
  • Freedom for oneself and others . Maintaining the limits of individuality and freedom of both members.
  • Not to love blindly , but consciously. To keep our eyes wide open for the behaviour of others, and to take action if we don’t like what we observe.