Love is one of the most rewarding experiences a human being can have, and having a special person with whom to share both good and bad times can make us immensely happy. V To live day by day with that person that we consider unique and wonderful, and to wake up next to him helps us to feel full .
But it’s not every day that’s going to be amazing, because relationships are a constant negotiation. There are difficult days and complicated periods when the stability of the couple is in danger and the relationship is shaky. At those times one may think it is better to throw it all away, and rethink the meaning and question of whether we are with the right person or not.
Following or leaving a relationship is a difficult decision to make, especially if we have been with that person for a long time, because a cocktail of emotions comes into play, which can be difficult to manage.
When being in a relationship makes you unhappy
In fact, there are people who get used to the unhappiness of the couple and subscribe to the pain . In spite of everything, they prefer to stay there suffering, for fear of uncertainty. Their low self-esteem is not prepared for the hard blow of having to break up with someone, ignoring that being single can be a great time for personal growth. Being in those kinds of relationships that are like a roller coaster of feelings, are hard to leave behind, and people can forget what it means to be happy.
Now, when you’re with the right person, everything is rosy. Winter is less cold, you smile more, and even doing everyday things is fun. But how do we know if we’re with the right person? Can we tell if the person we’re with is our better half?
In the next lines we give you some keys to find out if you have chosen the right partner .
Observe that your values are aligned
It is not necessary that the members of the couple share all the beliefs and that the relationship is a calm sea, without discussions between both actors, because that, simply, does not exist. Couples argue and may not have points in common on many issues . But what is necessary is that the deepest values are aligned, for example, if both of them want to have children or not. This was demonstrated by a group of researchers from The Open University who carried out a survey of 4,494 British subjects between the ages of 18 and 65.
2. Does it make you laugh?
Humour is a key ingredient in love , because apart from making a person more attractive and creating fun moments in the relationship, it is essential for relationships not to break up. This is what John Gottman, a New York psychologist, discovered. In one of his studies, he asked different couples to talk about the conflicts they had. Gottman concluded that one of the key elements in keeping discussions from breaking up was a sense of humor. In other words, if partners use humor when discussing and debating their problems, there’s a better chance of resolving those conflicts and enjoying a healthier relationship.
3. Evaluate your level of satisfaction in the relationship
This may not be easy because it requires careful observation of the relationship. But are you satisfied with that person? This is a generic question, so it is necessary to break down the relationship into different aspects (communication, intimate moments, respect, financial stability, etc.). Once these points have been assessed, it is necessary to make an analysis of the situation. However , if you really care about the person, the conclusions of this evaluation do not have to mean a break , because this can also be useful to talk to that person about what you consider your needs are. If they care about you, they may make an effort to fix the flaws.
4. Are you afraid to be alone?
Let’s face it, some people are incapable of being single . To be with someone simply because you are afraid of loneliness, besides being a symptom of weakness and low self-esteem, is a serious mistake. If that happens to you, maybe it’s time to do some self-reflective work and face your fears. Feeling too attached to another person is often a symptom of emotional dependence, and is something we should avoid.
Self-reflection is key to personal development, so if you want to know more about this topic, you can read our article: “Personal Development: 5 reasons for self-reflection”.
5. Do you feel respected?
Respect is key in any couple’s relationship or in any interpersonal relationship . Many couples break up because at some point they stop admiring each other, valuing each other and respecting each other. Respect is important in difficult moments because it makes it possible for conflicts to diminish. Only people with serious self-esteem problems would be with someone who does not respect them.
6. Is there physical contact in the relationship?
Physical contact is just as important as the above points. According to research carried out by Stony Brook University (USA), physical contact is one of the essential principles that influence the duration of a relationship . As the years go by, physical contact can be a problem for many couples, as there is usually a lot of it at first. Therefore, it is not missed. Over time, saying “I love you” is not enough, you have to show it.