Every person is a world. Each and every one of us has our own way of being. We all have our own personality.

Some people have acquired ways of acting that directly and actively affect what is going on around them, or are comfortable experiencing new things. Other people are afraid of approaching situations, conflicts or even people, avoiding some situations because of this fear and seeking safety. If the latter is carried out as a habitual pattern of behaviour we can be talking about an avoidant personality .

Personality

Personality is the usual and relatively stable pattern of behaviour , and what makes us see, interpret, think, evaluate and act in the world in a certain way. It is an element that takes shape throughout our development and that comes partly from the biological heritage of our relatives and ancestors and partly from the learning carried out throughout the life cycle.

What we experience is also very important: throughout life we learn values and ways of acting, we see that acting in a certain way can have its advantages and disadvantages and in general we experiment with different strategies when it comes to facing situations, having some more or less success for us.

Some end up with a dominant personality, others with a submissive one. Some learn to approach and take risks as a way of achieving their goals. Others learn to think long and hard before they act and to seek out environments where they feel safe, away from what might harm them. In any case, personality predisposes us to behave in certain ways .

Characteristics of people with an avoidant personality

Although each person is different, there are often patterns of behavior that are common among people. In the case of avoidant people, we can detect some personality characteristics that are common (although not necessarily essential).

Someone with an avoidant personality will be characterized by, as his own name indicates, avoiding problems and inhibiting his behavior as a way of not suffering possible negative consequences .

1. Sensitivity

Generally, people who develop an avoidance type personality tend to have a high level of sensitivity, which makes them experience sensations intensely. They are especially sensitive to rejection and criticism.

2. Discretion and courtesy

They are usually discreet people who don’t like to attract too much attention , and are usually polite during a casual interaction.

3. Low self-esteem and indecision

Not surprisingly, these are people who need outside affection and approval to maintain their self-esteem, which is usually low. It is common for them to be indecisive , with difficulties in making decisions unless they receive tangible support. If their position is different from the rest, it is frequent that they keep quiet for fear of criticism. Uncertainty often makes them very uncomfortable.

4. Taste for the familiar

These are people who tend to have a preference for routine and to feel uncomfortable with novelty . In many cases they are homely and feel good in familiar surroundings, although in others they would like to be more open and adventurous.

5. Social aspects

On a social level, they are often not very capable and may even consider themselves inferior to others, which leads them to avoid contact or feel uncomfortable in the presence of strangers or large groups of people. This does not imply that they do not want to relate or that they do not like contact itself, they are simply afraid to do so. Nor does it mean that their social skills are bad: in most cases they are in the average in this sense, just that they do not express them.

They tend to have a restricted group of relationships with which they feel comfortable, having very deep ties with them, valuing intimacy with friends and family to a great extent.
Although in many cases they isolate themselves in others, they relate to a great extent to whoever interacts with them, giving the appearance of disinhibition. However, this contact is usually shallow except with a few people.

What are they supposed to avoid?

The fact of avoiding the anxiety generating situation reassures them, by not having to face a stimulation that generates discomfort , although paradoxically, not facing what has been avoided will cause the fear of it to remain or even get worse.

Likewise, non-adaptation can be experienced as a failure, diminishing the person’s self-esteem and serving as confirmation to the subject of his or her possible feelings of inadequacy and maladjustment.

Why do these kinds of personalities emerge?

The circumstances by which this type of personality arises can be very variable and are not fully known. However, it is relatively common for them to develop in situations where they have been isolated or marginalized.

In some cases, the feelings that end up triggering avoidance arise due to the experience of abuse and/or contempt for their person at key moments of development, from experiences in which they have been embarrassed or inferior to others . In this way, a fear of reliving such a situation can develop and the consistent avoidance of all those experiences that remind them of it can be born over time.

The feeling of being inept, the preconceived idea that they will be criticized or rejected, and the intolerance to failure and uncertainty are often key aspects that lead these people to try to avoid people and situations.

Avoidant Personality Disorder

These characteristics that we have seen do not have to be pathological per se. We have to take into account that we are facing a way of facing life that for some people can be functional, if it does not interfere in the person’s life, generating discomfort and limiting their performance, or if it does not negatively affect the person or their environment.

However, if such characteristics are taken to the extreme and generate significant suffering and impairment, we may be facing an avoidant personality disorder or avoidant personality disorder.

This disorder corresponds to a pattern of inhibited behavior in which low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy, fear of rejection or ridicule, avoidance of interpersonal relationships, and reaction to risk taking and change are the main factors. It is also frequent that those who suffer from it are most of the time hypervigilant, distrustful and reject physical contact and responsibilities.