There are more and more cases of bullying in schools . Unfortunately, we often find that the school or institute intervenes little or not at all. In these cases, as a parent, the feeling of powerlessness is very natural, since it is surely the first time we have encountered this and we do not know how we should act.

It is very important to be clear about all the agents involved in a bullying case, since not everything is reduced in the aggressor-victim relationship. In a case of bullying we will find the figure of the victim (that person who receives the aggressions of the harassment), the figure of the aggressor (that person who has conducts of harassment towards the victim), the family (they are relevant so much the family of the figure of the aggressor as of the victim), the companions (so much of the figure of the aggressor as of the victim), the educational team and the management team of the educational center. All these figures can and should contribute to ending the situation of harassment.

Often, it is the parents of the person being harassed who are the ones to move around and try to find solutions. We must be clear that the family of the person who is harassing must also act , because if your child is having harassing behaviour, surely there is also a lot of emotional discomfort in him/her and, furthermore, we cannot allow another person to also be suffering unfairly because of it.

Below we’ll look at some keys to knowing how to act, whether you’re the parent of the person who attacked you or the person who was attacked .

What can I do as the victim’s parent in case of bullying?

These are the most effective measures you can take:

1. Do not encourage aggression or revenge

There have been many cases where the victim ends up developing harassing behavior in a vindictive manner. It is necessary to show empathy with the frustration they feel and to promote alternative coping strategies to the aggression.

2. Communication and listening

Many times they don’t tell what they’re experiencing. It is important to help them to break the silence and to know that this situation should not be hidden. It is necessary to listen to them without judging them , to ask them open questions so that they can express themselves as much as possible and let them know that this situation can be fixed.

3. Offer emotional support and avoid feelings of guilt or shame

It is essential to offer this emotional and unconditional support . We won’t tell you to try to solve it on your own, if you could you would have done it already. As parents we must avoid feeling guilty or ashamed about what may be happening to our child, as it will make it difficult for us to deal with the problem effectively. We will teach him to assert his rights and build his self-esteem.

4. Avoiding reproaches and nerves

Let’s act safely and calmly; our child now needs confidence, security and to be able to reduce his/her level of anxiety or distress . Knowing that their parents will not act impulsively or without consulting them will give them just the security they need.

5. Strong and positive coping attitude

Without forcing anything or forcing any situation so as not to generate greater fear, he must be made to see the need to address the situation , showing determination and positivity in the process.

6. Know what you have tried to do so far and what you want to do

Let’s not make any decisions without deciding together with our child. We must know what he/she has tried so far and what has worked and what has not .

7. Keep a personal diary

Suggesting that he write a diary will help him to elaborate and digest better what he is experiencing . It will also help us to be able to record all the details and have evidence and information in case we need to prove it later.

8. Request intervention from the educational centre

Any educational centre, faced with a case or suspicion of school bullying, is categorically obliged to implement the protocol for the prevention, detection and intervention of school bullying. In the event that the educational centre does not implement the protocol, the next step is to go to the inspection services. And in serious cases, where there is no way to resolve it, to go to Justice.

9. Seek professional support

If your child expresses emotional discomfort or in very serious cases of self-harm, a psychologist should be consulted in order to provide professional support.

10. Do not adopt a passive attitude

Under no circumstances will we think that the best thing is to do nothing . If we do something, it will not aggravate the problem, it will always bring us closer to ending this unfair and painful situation that our child is going through.

What can I do as a parent of the abuser?

Follow these tips to encourage you to give up that kind of harassment.

1. Accepting and assuming your child’s behaviour

As much as it hurts to accept that your child is engaging in bullying behavior towards another partner, assuming and accepting it will not make him/her a lifelong bully or be harmful. If we really want to protect and take care of him/her, let’s stop the bullying behaviour and tackle the reasons that lead him/her to assault his/her peer .

2. Communication

You have to talk directly about the subject and about what is happening. Let’s understand why our child is having these behaviors. Above all, let’s act calmly and without getting carried away by impulses . We must listen to him/her and to us.

3. Consequences, behaviour control, damage repair and firmness

He must know that the family does not tolerate or accept violent behaviour, the possible consequences of such behaviour must be explained and it must be made clear to him that this situation must end. The aggressor must be encouraged to apologise to the harassed person and repair the possible damage caused .

4. Encourage empathy and prosocial behaviour

Teach him to practice positive behaviors and reinforce them. Let her know that her family values pro-social behaviors and that she can empathize with her peers. Discuss with him/her the harmful consequences in this situation for both him/her and the victim.

5. Be models of empathy and prosocial behaviour

We should be models of positive behaviour , and it is very important that we can offer it to them; whether it is ourselves as other colleagues or other people in whom it is positive to look at their behaviour. Remember that parents are the main reference for their child.

6. Behavior monitoring

It is important that once the situation of harassment has been addressed, the evolution of the offender’s behaviour can be followed up. It may be beneficial to talk to the tutor or psychologist of the educational centre .

7. Requesting support from the educational centre

It is very important that the family of the person who is bullying also asks for the protocol of prevention, detection and intervention for bullying to be activated in the school and that the family can actively participate in it .

8. Seek professional support

It may be that the bullying behaviors are the result of the projection of a lot of anger that our child has accumulated, feelings of insecurity or inferiority, low tolerance to frustration, lack of empathy, low social skills, that he or she had an experience as a bully. In any case, it is very important to have professional support from a psychologist who can offer to improve your child’s emotional well-being.

By way of conclusion:

Remember that in any case of bullying or suspicion of it, we must act , whoever we are, since pain and suffering are not part of the academic curriculum.