Probably most of us have seen at some point, even if it is at the movies or in an advertisement, such as when a child refuses to buy a candy or a toy and starts crying, throwing himself on the floor and kicking. We are talking about infantile tantrums , which can be frustrating for the child’s parents, sometimes not knowing what to do to stop it.

In this article we are going to talk about what these tantrums are, the fact that they are common and normative in most cases and some guidelines to follow to manage them.

What do we call a child’s tantrum?

All or almost all of us have seen a childish tantrum at some time, but we rarely stop to think about how this concept is defined.

We understand child tantrums as the set of actions and manifestations, both emotional and physical, that a child carries out as an expression of his negative emotions of frustration or anger , experienced very intensely and expressed with great virulence in a short space of time. This type of explosive manifestation usually includes crying, shouting, throwing himself on the floor and kicking and shaking, and sometimes also running and oppositional behaviour to the contact or closeness of his carers.

Usually these tantrums arise from situations of frustration or lack of understanding of the situation, as a result of not being able to get something they want. They can also occur in response to an unsuccessful attempt to demonstrate progressive independence and autonomy, or even as a manipulative strategy to achieve their goals if they learn that this way they get what they want.

The typical scene that most people imagine is the one that takes place in supermarkets or toy stores, although in reality it could happen in any situation, whether or not another person is involved that denies their wishes. Childish tantrums may be occasional or frequent , depending in each case on the personality of the child and his or her capacity to manage frustration.

It should be borne in mind, however, that unless they have learned them as mechanisms for achieving their goals, they are usually something that the child does not do to be upset, being simply generated by not knowing how to respond to the upset.

Is that normal? When do they show up?

Although many parents may find these situations irritating, unjustified and even worrying, the truth is that the presence of childhood tantrums is normal and even frequent in childhood.

They appear in children as a response to frustration, in a vital stage in which they have not yet learned to regulate intense emotions . Also when they want the attention of their parents or caregivers, or when they cannot be independent Although some signs of this tend to occur around the year of life, it is especially frequent between the second and third year of life.

Tantrums should decrease as the child learns to regulate his or her emotions, most often by the age of five they have disappeared or greatly reduced.

In fact, are part of a phase of evolutionary development , in which they will be little able to acquire tolerance to frustration, the capacity to delay gratification (that is, to know how to wait in order to obtain benefits from their actions instead of wanting immediate gratification) and the capacity to manage themselves to a greater extent.

Although they are part of a normative development, it must be taken into account that they do not have to appear in all children. Likewise, they can also appear in an excessive or altered way in the context of some behavioral disorder, such as in oppositional defiant disorder, as a difficulty in inhibiting responses as in ADHD or as a response to the lack of understanding of specific situations as in some autism spectrum disorders.

How to manage them?

Childhood tantrums can be difficult to handle and can leave us paralyzed and not knowing what to do. That’s why here are some basic guidelines for trying to manage them.

First of all, it is highly contraindicated to shout or hit a child to stop the tantrum: rather than making him/her calm, this can confuse him/her even more and even generate discomfort towards the person in question. Also, remember that the child is trying to generate his own identity.

What we do recommend is to stay close and take into account the manifestation of suffering , but without compromising or spoiling him: we will make him see that this attitude does not allow us to understand him and that when he behaves correctly then he will be able to speak. It is important to remain firm and not give in if we do not want the child to learn that this can serve to manipulate us. All this should be done without showing rejection of the child.

It is also necessary to ensure that the child does not harm himself or others during the development of the tantrum, protecting him in this sense. Assessing what provokes it can help us to identify elements that may be conflictive and work on them with the child, as well as not overexpose them.

It is also useful to make clear to them the limits and behaviour expected of them, and once the tantrum has passed to start working with them on aspects such as the expression of both positive and negative emotions, for example to recognise them and communicate them effectively and acceptably.