Have you ever been afraid to grow up? Not very clear why? Who doesn’t want to reach their maximum potential and go for their most precious desires?

So… Why don’t we always make decisions that benefit our growth? That help us expand boundaries instead of staying in comfort and safety? The beliefs we hold can shed light on the issue.

We know that the beliefs we hold about ourselves, the world we live in, and others powerfully influence how we run our lives, the achievement of the things we value, and our ability to overcome difficulties.

It is necessary to pay attention to the type of mentality that is guiding at certain times or even in specific areas of life the decisions we make and that may be limiting our capacity to grow in order to act differently.

The two mentalities of Carol Dweck

Carol Dweck, professor at Stanford University in the United States, has focused her research on why people succeed and how to promote it .

He has developed his work around ways of thinking and has researched the consequences of seeing intelligence and personality among others (artistic talents, sports or business skills, qualities of another person or relationship) as something that can be developed or as fixed, deeply rooted and immovable traits.

Their research has shown that the beliefs that people adopt about their qualities affect the objectives they strive to achieve , how they see success and failure, the importance they give to effort and challenge, resilience in the face of difficulty and even the capacity to grow in their interpersonal relationships. He has studied two types of mentality: the fixed mentality and the growth mentality.

Most people have a bit of both. They may also adopt a different mindset in different areas. The truth is that we can learn to change the way we see things.

The fixed mentality

People who adopt this mentality believe that intelligence, talents, skills, qualities, personality are fixed characteristics. You are born with a certain amount or you are like you are without being able to do much.

This creates the urgency to prove yourself and others over and over again, that you have by nature enough intelligence, personality, character, that you are special, even superior.

Your goal is to perform well and look smart . They are concerned with being judged rather than improving, so they hide their weaknesses rather than overcome them. It is not enough to be successful; you need to be perfect immediately, at the first opportunity to try something. They do not give themselves time to become, but they have to be already what they want to be. The most important thing is the result, because that is what measures them.

This objective leads to a tendency to avoid challenges because if they take risks and fail they believe that their image will be compromised and it will mean that they are not intelligent or that they do not have the abilities, therefore, they prefer to keep what they already know how to do well and even waste good opportunities of learning.

However, we must remember what the writer Mark Twain said: “In twenty years you will be more disappointed by what you didn’t do than by what you did”.

Other characteristics are as follows.

1. Easily surrender to obstacles

Failing goes from an action to an “I’m a failure” identity. Even minor corrections and errors can be seen as a tremendous failure .

2. Devalue effort

They believe that striving makes them look incapable or intelligent or a sign of not measuring up. If they are free of this idea, they can strive to achieve their goals and are willing to do what is necessary, but as a validation of their worth.

3. Ignore constructive criticism

It is more important to feel constantly validated by others than to cultivate relationships that challenge them to grow, that see their failures with respect, help them work on them, and encourage them to learn new things. They are then less likely to obtain external information that will help them generate the necessary changes.

4. Feel threatened by other people’s success

They feel that the success of others makes them look bad or like failures.

5. As a result they may limit their development and not achieve their full potential

Their beliefs feed back. It is believed that you don’t change or improve much over time, you are as you are.

The growth mentality

People who adopt this mentality believe that intelligence, talents, skills, qualities, personality can be developed and cultivated through effort.

They believe that what is given to us by genetics is only the starting point for development . You can grow with time and from passion, training, discipline and experience.

Their priority is to learn, improve and enjoy the process. They don’t worry about proving how good they are. They value what they do regardless of the outcome.

On the other hand, these are other characteristics of it.

1. tend to accept challenges

They are enjoyed and are the way to improve, expand boundaries and knowledge, become stronger and more intelligent.

2. Face and persist in the face of obstacles

Failure, although a painful experience, is seen as an opportunity to learn and repair mistakes, not as something that defines them as people or defines their capabilities and worth.

3. They value effort

The fruits of effort are born. It is seen as necessary to grow and master important skills.

4. They learn from criticism

Negative criticism is not perceived as a definition of what they are, but speaks to their current level of skills or performance. They know they can change and learn to do better and prefer relationships that challenge them to grow respectfully.

5. Find lessons and inspiration in the success of others

They are taken as examples, sources of information and learning to put into practice on the journey itself.

As a result they foster their development and mastery, reaching high levels of performance and achievement. They feel that they are the ones who build themselves up, which feeds back into their positive beliefs and encourages them to keep learning and improving.

Making the decision to grow day by day

Choosing to grow more than a once-in-a-lifetime decision is a daily choice. Every step of the way we are faced with opportunities to embrace a growth mentality or a fixed mentality to what happens or what we do. If we want to grow we have to allow ourselves to change the limiting ideas about our intelligence, abilities, personality, etc.

This does not mean that everything can be done, that it is desirable to change everything we do not like, or that every challenge should be taken up. It is up to each person to determine when their beliefs are really acting as barriers to their development in the areas or goals they value and then make changes if they wish.

However, to grow, it is necessary to stop living for an image that others like and have the courage to explore one’s own path, making mistakes, taking on new challenges, valuing effort and facing obstacles, but above all enjoying and learning from life.

Bibliographic references:

  • Dweck, C. S. (2008). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House; New York.