Couple’s crisis after the first baby: causes and what to do
The crisis of the couple after the first baby represents a challenge for the parents , who must face this situation with the best possible disposition, taking into account that it is no longer only about them, but also that they must think about the needs of this new member of the family.
In this article we will see what this crisis is about, what some of its main triggers are, and we will present a series of key tips to overcome it in the best way.
What is the crisis of the couple after the first baby?
This crisis has its origin in the changes in the dynamics of the couple . Becoming parents represents the acceptance of a new role in the life of the couple; it is no longer just about the two parents, and this can be difficult to cope with at first.
Changes in the parents’ schedules and routines are one of the main causes of the crisis of the couple after the first baby, because sometimes it will be necessary to dedicate time to the new child and have less free time.
The couple may have frequent arguments about who should take care of the baby’s needs, and in many cases there is a lack of time to be alone.
When one partner cares for the newborn while the other works, conflict may come in the form of recrimination by the partner caring for the baby.
Causes of the crisis in the couple after the first son or daughter
Let’s look at a list of the main causes that trigger this crisis in the couple.
1. The baby is the priority
It is an irrefutable fact that babies require all the attention and care from their parents, and that is why the couple must understand that some of their activities take a back seat.
When either or both partners resist this change, then conflict and frustration over accumulated stress occur .
2. Mother distances herself from father
This distancing occurs because the mother usually focuses completely on the baby. She takes care of his basic needs, especially breastfeeding .
As a consequence of these new occupations, she may incur an involuntary omission towards her partner, which may lead to the crisis.
3. The sexual act
The arrival of the new member of the family, and the implications that come with it, will diminish what refers to sex in the couple. At least for a while, this area will be compromised due to lack of time and less energy .
When this issue is not assimilated in the right way, and parents do not talk about it among themselves, then conflicts between them intensify.
4. Responsibilities in the home
An aspect that, although it may seem trivial at first, has a decisive impact on the crisis that arose after the first child. It happens that it is no longer so easy to distribute time and household activities in an equitable manner .
Usually one of you will have to deal with these issues while the other takes care of the baby. This change in household duties can lead to constant disagreements and arguments.
Postpartum depression
Another issue that may be related to this crisis is postpartum depression. When women experience the birth of a child, they present a series of alterations at a hormonal level that are a natural response to this experience.
In some cases, this change in their hormones can make them somewhat sensitive, causing them to be in a depressive state of varying intensity for a while, although most commonly none of this occurs. When this happens, the couple’s understanding and the support of the family are essential for the woman to overcome this situation adequately.
How to face this crisis?
In these lines we will see some useful advice that can be used to face this situation in the couple.
1. Do not avoid the crisis
This first point refers to the importance of accepting that one is going through a difficult situation . After acceptance, the couple can start to think about the best solutions to the problems that arise.
2. Recognizing the focus of discussion
Usually there are everyday situations that end up in discussion. If we are able to identify what these triggers are, then we may be able to prevent fights .
3. Assertive communication
Communication in the couple is a fundamental factor so that the relationship is solid and the love bond is strengthened . If we are able to express our emotions and feelings clearly and in an appropriate way, it will be easier for us to reach a solution together with our partner.
4. Couples therapy
Attending couples therapy is an important decision that should be discussed so that both members of the relationship have the possibility to express what the expectations are. concerns and needs . Once they agree on several basic points, it will be easier for the process to evolve properly in conjunction with the therapist.
Bibliographic references:
- Jeronimus, B.F.; Riese, H.; Sanderman, R.; Ormel, J. (2014). Mutual Reinforcement Between Neuroticism and Life Experiences: A Five-Wave, 16-Year Study to Test Reciprocal Causation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 107 (4): 751–64.
- Resnikoff, R. (2002). Couples Therapy and Psychopharmacology. Psychiatric Times. 19 (7).