Living in a society full of people with different interests and opinions has advantages and disadvantages. Being with others gives us greater access to resources and information, but it also means that we adapt to what others expect of us… which sometimes even unconsciously in contexts where we give up too much.

Thus, peer pressure is one of those drawbacks that we have to know how to deal with when living in society or in groups of almost any size, since we have a tendency to accept the views that the majority imposes on us. In this article we will see several tips on how to deal with peer pressure .

How to deal with peer pressure?

Although being surrounded by people allows us to reach very good quality of life standards, it is known that we have to maintain a balance between what we get from society and what we sacrifice in order to fit in well with it. This can apply to society in general, such as its laws and regulations, as well as to portions of it: our work colleagues, our families, friends, etc.

This is because this balance between the defence of one’s own subjectivity and the points of view of those around us has always been a subject of study addressed by those who are part of the history of psychology.

For example, this is a theme that has great importance in the theories of psychic structures proposed by Sigmund Freud, according to which part of the norms and interests of others are internalized by the individual, to the point that he yields to these elements without realizing it.

But is Solomon Asch the most discussed psychologist when talking about how peer pressure affects our lives . This researcher in Social Psychology carried out studies on conformity in which he saw how people tend to express ideas that coincide with those of others simply because many people hold them, despite the fact that they are evidently false.

So, since knowing how to deal with peer pressure has a lot to do with detecting when we unconsciously bend to the will of others, let’s look at some advice on how to combine our own view of reality with a reasonable respect for the interests of others.

1. If you can, anticipate what they will say

The first step is to stop and think about the possible arguments (or lack thereof) that others will use to exert peer pressure on you. This step is very useful for tackling the following steps, and at the same time it helps to ensure that surprises do not lead us into a state of intense emotionality or anxiety that makes us lose control over what we say.

2. Don’t get defensive

One of the most common mistakes we make when we notice social pressure directed at us is to assume that it is time to withdraw from the conversation or interaction, to assume a passive role that does not attract attention.

This, in most cases, is a mistake, since it means giving in to peer pressure, albeit not doing exactly what others expected of us, at least making our actions unnoticeable, as if we did not exist.

Instead, what you have to do is redirect that pressure towards those who try to exert it against you . How do you do that? Let’s look at the following tips.

3. Questions the relevance of these expectations

The first thing to do is to refer as concisely as possible that what we are explicitly or implicitly asked to do is not something we are obliged to do just because someone wants to. Ideally, this message should be interpreted between the lines, not expressed in an antagonistic or hostile way , because that way the burden of explanation falls on the person who exerts group pressure.

For example, if in a group work you are expected to write the longest section, the ideal is not to attack the others for trying not to take on part of the effort, but to ask who has decided to divide the parts that each one should do in this way and why they have done so, bearing in mind that the most equitable thing is to establish this division by number of pages, and not by assigning sections.

As we have seen in this example, peer pressure is dissolved with our request that others be the ones to give the explanations , and we don’t have to move until others have made an effort to give a convincing response.

4. Express yourself by assuming that others want the best for you

In this last step, you have to assertively express your own interests by speaking as if others take it for granted that your position should be respected . That way, it will be others who will be forced to adopt an antagonistic attitude, which is often uncomfortable for many people.

Bibliographic references:

  • Allport, G.W. (1968). The historical background of modern social psychology.In G. Lindzey & E. Aronson (Eds.) The handbook of social psychology.(2nd ed.) Vol. l.
  • Asch S. E. (1948). “The doctrine of suggestion, prestige, and imitation in social psychology. Psychological Review, 55, 250 – 276.