One study confirms that most people are unable to actively listen to their interlocutor for more than 3 minutes at a time. On the other hand, several surveys show that approximately 50% of the Spanish population feels lonely .

It is inevitable to think that there is a parallel between a feeling of loneliness and isolation and a society that has not learned to listen.

Is hearing the same as listening?

The first thing we have to do is make the difference between hearing and listening r . While hearing simply means receiving information through our auditory channels, listening implies intentionality. It implies an effort to listen to what the other person is telling us, in an attempt to create effective and empathetic communication.

What difficulties prevent us from actively listening?

Do we know how to listen carefully to our interlocutor? There are various reasons that can interfere with and detract from the quality of the process of active listening. Some of them are the following.

1. Inability to tolerate silence

Most people feel uncomfortable when silences occur in a conversation, especially in front of strangers. That is why while the speaker is talking they think about what they are going to say next, decreasing the attention towards the information that is transmitted in speaker so as not to be left without anything to say immediately.

2. Judgments and comparisons

In many cases what makes listening difficult is a series of judgments that are emitted in the thought that have nothing to do with what the speaker is trying to expose (I like his shirt, the color green doesn’t suit him, he seems to have gained weight, his short hair looks better than mine, etc.).

3. Focus of attention

It consists of focusing attention on only one aspect of the conversation and thinking about it, ignoring the rest of the information given by the speaker.

4. Having your mind elsewhere (tixag=7)

This is one of the most common interferences. While the speaker is talking, the person begins to remember an event that happened the other day, to plan the evening meal, or to think about the job interview he or she has the next day, paying little or no attention to what the other person is saying.

5. Be careful to please

This happens mostly to unsafe people. They focus on thinking if their posture is correct, if they are smiling enough, if the answers they are giving are the right ones, etc. Losing attention span and therefore quality of listening.

6. Continuous interruptions

There are certain people who for various reasons need to continually talk and be the center of attention in a conversation. That is why they continually interrupt the speaker’s speech by providing information from their own personal experience, bringing the conversation to their own turf in order to talk about themselves or give advice.

7. Environmental distractions

Surely we have all felt the frustration of wanting to talk to someone who is constantly looking at their mobile phone, television or computer screen. Environmental distractions make listening very difficult, as attention is divided towards several different stimuli.

Active listening for better communication

Therefore, if we want to learn to listen actively we must strive to reduce all those inferences and develop our attentional capacity in the here and now.

To create a climate of respect where we understand that what the other person has to say to us is important, and therefore deserves that we put the five senses to it, just as we would like the people who listen to us to do.

“Listen, you will be wise. The beginning of wisdom is silence” -Pythagoras