The loss of a pet, the mourning that one suffers when it dies is one of the most painful and stressful experiences one can have .

It is well known that the subject of mourning for the death of a relative, friend or acquaintance is widely studied and, most importantly, socially accepted. But, what about when our beloved pet dies?

It is an issue that, despite taking on increasing importance due to the changing role of pets in the family nucleus, continues to be ignored, undervalued and even denied. We will now go into more detail.

What we know about grieving for a pet

Referring to the psychological impact of the mourning process for a pet, according to studies conducted by Field and colleagues (2009), is comparable to that of a human loss . The mourning process would last between 6 months and a year, the average being 10 months (Dye and Wroblel, 2003).

In several studies (Adrian et al, 2009) it was found that such death produced an emotional disability in a percentage of 12% of people that could lead to psychological pathologies, although this is not the most common. In another study (Adams et al., 2000), it was found that these people had physical and emotional symptoms such as sleep problems, loss of appetite and the feeling that “something inside them had died”.

Differential aspects of the mourning process for human loss

As we have already mentioned, the process experienced by the loss of a pet is similar to that of a loved one, but in spite of this there are certain characteristics that make it a little different: the great feeling of guilt, the social attitudes and the absence of rituals.

Social attitudes

When this type of loss occurs, the affected people may have serious difficulties to carry out a correct resolution of the grief due to the hard social attitudes they have to face, which is called unrecognized grief .

In fact, a study by Adams et al. (2000) found that half of the people who had suffered this type of loss felt that society did not consider their situation “worthy” of a grieving process. In other words, that such loss is not important as it does not legitimize the deep bond between person and their pet and the pet is considered replaceable (Doka, 2008).

Unrecognized grief, then, would appear when a person feels that their process is not recognized or validated, and there is a lack of support for it. Comments that exemplify this could be: “it’s not a big deal, it’s just a dog (or whatever the case may be)”, “then buy another one”, “you can’t give up your responsibilities for this”, etc.

As we have already mentioned, this type of unacknowledged grief can make the natural course of the mourning more difficult, as the person could force himself to behave “normally”, “as if nothing had happened”, as this is what is required of him, and he could also retain all his feelings internally and refuse to ask for help out of shame. Therefore, this denial of grief may lead to a complicated or unresolved duel (Kaufman and Kaufman, 2006).

Grief in Loss of Pets

Several authors investigated that guilt is a major factor in cases of pet loss . This extreme guilt is explained by the type of relationship established with the animal and because most deaths occur through euthanasia.

The type of relationship is explained by the fact that the caregiver is considered to be totally responsible for the life of his or her partner, so the relationship is one of total dependence. Adding to this that we would see our pets as helpless, this would lead to a relationship similar to that of a parent with their baby.

Death by euthanasia would be a clear factor in the guilt, enhancing it in most cases . It can be seen as a liberating alternative to the suffering of the animal but one can also have the feeling that he has made the decision of his friend’s death, turning him into a murderer.

The funeral rites

Being able to say goodbye to your loved one in a formal way is a key differentiating factor of mourning in animals . The absence of this and many other rites can lead to problems in the resolution of the duel since it prevents the performance of an act in honor of the animal and the public farewell.

Although there are currently pet crematories, this act is more a procedure than a ritual, since the usual method is for the services to take care of the ashes and deliver them to the corresponding veterinarian (Chur- Hansen, 2010).

Conclusions

The review of empirical studies leads to the conclusion that there is indeed a process of grief in people who lose their pet . The impact of this is comparable to the loss of a loved human being and in addition there is a high probability of it becoming a complicated grief due to the factors mentioned.

Recommendations for mourning

The recommendations that we can make go in the direction of the need to create awareness about this type of loss in order to facilitate this process to be carried out correctly in the people who suffer it, since, in addition, it is a subject that is becoming more frequent in our society every day.

On the other hand, recommendations for people who are going through these moments would be to hold a commemorative event for the mascot, a formal farewell to it. It can be in the form of a letter, planting a tree, reciting a few words on its behalf… there are many options, but expressing thoughts in words is highly recommended as it helps to reorganize one’s feelings and ideas and also allows one to express how much the pet has given us.

Another important measure is to try to gradually reduce bitter thoughts and keep the happy ones , to remember how many good moments our partner has brought us, in order to create resilience.

Last but not least, it should be noted that a pet is irreplaceable. It is not advisable to try to fill that gap desperately by having another one, as a new pet is not meant to be a replacement. When the feeling appears that a good part of the mourning is over and it is time, then surely there will be many animals waiting to be given affection.