Being oneself . Doing what we think is right, regardless of what others say. These two phrases may seem practically synonymous, and often go hand in hand in such a way that thanks to their combination we can live the life we want to live, a life that is full and consistent with itself.

And yet, for many people at some point or aspect of their lives, the two elements may contradict each other: a part of our being and our beliefs may conflict. These elements or parts are considered self-centered, a term we will discuss throughout this article.

Egodystonic: definition of this term

The concept of egodystonia, from which the adjective egodystonic starts, refers to the existence of some characteristic or element which generates discomfort or unease to the person or persons who possess them due to the fact that it is contrary to or incongruent with the values, way of being or thinking or beliefs of those persons.

As the ego prefix implies, this element contrary to one’s beliefs is part or product of one’s being: it is a denial of the self . It generally refers to the existence of acts, attitudes, thoughts or even physical aspects carried out or held by a person and that are contrary to what his/her system of values or beliefs admits. A cognitive dissonance is then created, an uneasiness or suffering derived from the capture of the incongruence between one and the other thought, and which can lead to the acts or thoughts held being deeply criticized at an internal level.

This can lead to a frustrating situation which, if repeated frequently or if the disagreement cannot be expressed or resolved, will lead to stress and may even lead to psychopathology. Thus, something egodistonic will be problematic as long as something is not done to make it stop.

The opposite concept: egosyntonic

Understanding the concept of egodystonia is much easier if we also value its opposite: egosynthesis. Egosyntonic is defined as any thought, attribute or action possessed or performed by a person that is congruent with the scale of values and beliefs he or she holds .

Thus, the egosyntonic is what results from following one’s convictions: what each of us considers to be right. The fact that our thoughts, attributes, ways of being or doing and specific acts are egosyntonic can mean that their existence implies well-being on an emotional level (although it can also mean negative reactions or repercussions from the environment), especially if it is something that involves an effort. However, given that this is what we believe “should be”, it is also very common for us not to notice them (since there is no incongruity) and even for them to generate indifference.

Although it is evident that the egodistonic causes us suffering, the truth is that it has something positive: indicates that there is a dissociation between belief and situation/thought/action , in such a way that it allows us to value the element in question and/or the beliefs behind the conflict and to be able to reevaluate them and work to achieve the existence of well-being. In case you had not said discomfort, trying to change something would be at least difficult as there is no motivation for it.

What can cause something to be/become egodistonic?

The causes of the existence of egodystonic elements can be very variable . They may be behind it from the fear of living or performing the actions or thoughts despite not wanting to do them, or the fear of being judged or the repercussions of doing something that we do want and is in line with our being.

Other possible reasons are the belief in the fusion or equation between thought and action (considering that it is the same to think something as to do it), the overvaluation of a concrete act or thought in relation to a scale of values or the existence of a high level of self-demand. Personality is another factor to take into account.

In all or almost all cases there is also an influence of values and culturally realised learning. Another element that can affect to a great extent are the models of upbringing and parenting, as well as the learning of behaviour models where self-criticism prevails. Obedience to authority or the effect of perceived social pressure (whether real or not) also has a great influence on whether something can be or become egodistonic.

Situations in which it can appear

Although the term egodystonic is not commonly used, what it implies happens constantly and in a wide variety of situations and conditions. Here are four examples of this.

1. Socio-cultural conditioning linked to sex or sexuality

Education and the socio-cultural vision of things that have been transmitted to us throughout our lives can also contribute to the emergence of egodistonic elements, something that is especially relevant when the problem is found in elements that are part of our being.

This is the case with sexual orientation: those with a sexual orientation different from heterosexuality have traditionally seen their sexual preferences attacked and persecuted, considered sinful or unhealthy. The same is true for those with a gender or sexual identity other than cisgender (as in the case of transgender people), persecuted until not so long ago for having an identity different from the one considered their own by their sex of birth.

This is why some gay, bisexual or transgendered people, among others, may experience their sexual orientation or gender identity in an aversive and egodistonic way, as something negative and/or embarrassing. This implies that they hide and deny a very relevant part of their being, something that can lead to the emergence of isolation and not living a free and full life, in addition to being able to suffer problems such as depression, anxiety or other psychological disorders.

Eating disorders

A case of mental disorder in which the existence of egodystonia can easily be observed is in eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. Both of these disorders involve serious perceptual distortions of one’s body, as well as fear of gaining weight and reducing or altering one’s intake.

Thus, for those (and those, although less frequent) affected by this type of disorder their own body weight or shape would be egodistonic, since it is contrary to what they would like to have.

3. Obsessive-compulsive disorder

OCD or obsessive-compulsive disorder is one of the mental disorders in which egodistonic elements appear. Specifically, the obsessive thoughts that people who suffer from this disorder have, which are defined as constantly appearing in the psyche and are experienced as intrusive and against their will, are usually totally contrary to their beliefs and values, something that makes such thoughts unacceptable and unbearable for the patient.

In fact, it is precisely the fact that they are egodistonic that makes them very anxious, something that in most cases leads to compulsions to avoid them.

4. Personality disorders

Our own personality can also sometimes be egodistonic . For example, we may have a pattern of behaviour and thinking in which we are highly submissive, be very inhibited, very rigid or have an excessive tendency to risk. This may not be uncomfortable for the person, but in some cases the subject may find great unhappiness and suffering in maintaining these traits.

It may be the case of a person who is always submissive out of fear, or who needs and depends on the approval of others, but who really wishes he could be more independent or not need others to make him feel good. In these cases we would also be before an egodistonic characteristic. This is common in many personality disorders, such as avoidant personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, obsessive, borderline or histrionic personality disorder.

What to change?

We have said before that the egodistonic is a problem for the person unless something is done to stop it. In this sense, there are two main options: either we change the scale of values in such a way that we make it congruent with the lived reality, so that what generated us discomfort no longer does so as it is now permissible in the new way of seeing things, or we modify the action or thought in such a way that it becomes congruent with the current scale of values.

Which option to take can be complex to decide, and can be affected by a large number of variables . However, we have to take into account that we are talking about a part of our own being, so the most adaptive strategy is usually to seek to make a change in the system of beliefs and values in such a way that we can accept ourselves fully and make that part stop being egodistonic.

Thus, in the examples given, the person with egodistonic sexuality should not hide his sexuality or fight against it, but change the beliefs that make it impossible for him to live it out in freedom. In the case of anorexia or OCD, although they require treatment, it should be noted that part of the solution in the first case would be to accept one’s own body shape (something that would avoid the search for weight loss) or in the second case to have had aversive thoughts without considering them unacceptable and without the self-recrimination and guilt that this generates turning it into an obsession.

However, sometimes what needs to be changed are acts or ways of acting that are inconsistent not with our beliefs but with who or how we are. In this case, it would be advisable to make the change in the problem behaviour in question. For example, a person who is excessively inhibited or submissive because of learning or the imposition of others may try to train assertiveness and social skills because such inhibition is against their way of being.

Bibliographic references:

  • Triglia, Adrián; Regader, Bertrand; García-Allen, Jonathan (2016). Psychologically speaking. Paidós.
  • Vidales, Ismael (2004). General psychology. Mexico: Limusa.