It is clear that not all people grow and develop at the same rate. However, while physical development depends basically on genes and food and in most cases progresses without us having to worry about it, something different happens with psychological and emotional development .

Our competencies and skills in managing emotions and relating to others do not depend on automatic biological processes, but on the way we learn to interact with the environment (and the people in it).

That means that people who don’t worry about bringing their emotional and social skills to a minimum get stuck before they come of age, or soon after. In these cases we can talk about emotionally immature adults .

What are emotionally immature people like?

Emotionally immature people are deeply immature, not from appearances.

Playing video games, being a fan of animated films or enjoying the spontaneity of certain situations does not tell us anything about a person’s level of maturity; it only expresses personal tastes. But other patterns of behaviour do tell us about the degree to which the way an adult experiences emotions has become stagnant in a juvenile or almost adolescent stage .

In short, an emotionally immature person is characterized by not regulating his or her emotions according to long-term goals that include the well-being of others.

Moreover, this is a characteristic that affects all facets of their lives ; we cannot speak of emotionally immature adults, for example, in the case of artists who express their feelings in a unilateral and explosive way specifically through forms of artistic representation.

Now, this definition may seem too abstract, so let’s look at the main characteristics of this type of adult .

1. No commitments

Emotionally immature adults systematically avoid commitments . This means that they do not do it based on an analysis of the costs and benefits of making a pact with someone, but rather, by default, they do not consider fulfilling a series of tasks and responsibilities to do good in others.

Making compromises would involve striking a balance between at least two people who, because they feel differently and experience different things, need to create a stability arrangement so that the relationship can move forward.

But emotionally immature adults are characterized by an appreciation of emotions that is limited to their own, with little regard for those of others. Therefore, as a compromise can only exist when there is a certain symmetry between the importance of one’s own emotions and those of others , it makes no sense for these people to do this.

In the end, when you only pay attention to how you feel, the only conclusion you can draw is that these feelings always change in unexpected ways and that you cannot anticipate what will happen.

2. are self-centered

One of the characteristics of children is that, although their behavior is often interpreted as “naturally good” and kind, it is based on self-centeredness .

But this is not moral self-centeredness, but cognitive self-centeredness. The idea of being able to imagine the mental world of others is a challenge that is often not achieved and which involves devoting a lot of effort to thinking about what goes on in the minds of others. This capacity will improve as the parts of the brain become better interconnected through the areas of white substance.

Emotionally immature adults do have a sufficiently developed brain to put themselves in the shoes of others, but by inertia they have not become accustomed to making use of this skill . In many cases, they have simply not needed to do so to enjoy an acceptable level of well-being, and therefore maintain an egocentric personality.

Thus, thinking about the interests of others will be the exception, not the rule, for this kind of person.

3. Live in a dependency relationship

One would expect an egocentric and individualistic person to be independent, but paradoxically this characteristic does not hold true for emotionally immature adults. If they can live outside of their commitments it is precisely because they have a social or family environment that protects them so that they do not have to weave social relationships mediated by empathy .

Sometimes this type of protection offered by parents or friends is toxic and unsatisfactory even for these people, because it acts as a very large comfort zone from which it is difficult to get out to experience intense sensations.

However, this social “bubble” persists, despite its failures, because it produces dependency : once it has gained strength, it is difficult to break this kind of relationship dynamics, since doing so would imply making many drastic decisions at once and normally one does not know where to start.

4. They blame others for their mistakes

These people’s coping strategies are often very poor, which means that they avoid the possibility of examining their own mistakes. To do this, there is nothing like the easy and immediate way out: to blame others for their mistakes .

Thanks to this kind of action, emotionally immature adults can afford to continue living without looking back and devoting efforts to stop satisfying their immediate desires in favor of avoiding having more problems in the future.

5. They show financial irresponsibility

Emotionally immature people live by and for impulsivity . That, taken to the domestic economy, means that they manage their expenses very badly. For example, they may spend a lot of money on dinner while accumulating debt.

In some ways, this behavior makes them similar to substance-addicted people, although the latter’s impulsiveness is due to neurochemical changes in their brain that make them think only about consuming the substance in question, while emotionally immature adults are generally impulsive.