Fantasy is not an activity exclusive to children and child-like adults. Fortunately, it is a skill that all human beings have and that we can use throughout our lives.

Sexual fantasies

Fantasizing is simple: roughly speaking, you just have to let your imagination run wild . Thus, by imagining other realities, we can live experiences of all kinds. That is, in the mind.

On the sexual plane, in a private and personal way, we can be able to let ourselves be carried away by our erotic thoughts and intertwine mind, body and emotions, being able to live tremendously pleasant experiences, and even, get to trigger the sexual response.

Just find and press the fantasy ON button .

When did we start fantasizing? What do sexual fantasies feed on, and how do they evolve?

According to sex therapist Wendy Maltz in her book “The intimate world of female sexual fantasies” , women start fantasizing in childhood, with more romantic or sensual ideas, evolving over time to more sexual ideas.

The development of fantasies seems to be closely related to sexual development, and in turn, to the experiences, culture and information that are gathered regarding sexuality throughout life.

It is important, then, to fill the drawer of our fantasies with everything that stimulates us. We must seek sources of inspiration, which place the person’s senses right at the starting point of the path of eroticism , always ready to seek pleasure.

Types of sexual fantasies

This question is complicated if you start from the premise that in the mind anything goes: strictly speaking, there are all kinds of fantasies. The subject matter is as varied as the tastes of each person are different. However, there is a classification that is interesting to mention, since it can provide a deeper knowledge about one’s sexuality.

As Maltz explains, sexual fantasies can be classified into novelized and unnovelized fantasies .

Novelized fantasies develop into a true story, with characters and relationships between them. The protagonist’s roles usually vary from dominance, where power and control are the characteristic elements, to a sweet and beautiful role of beloved, where affection, intimacy or spiritual attraction are the predominant ones. But there can also be roles of victim, where fear or even violence appear; of savage, understood as a free role, without power or control; of object of desire, or simply of voyeu r .

On the other hand, there are the un-novelized fantasies. These fantasies are totally linked to the sensory capabilities that we humans have. They are not stories like the previous ones, but visual, auditory, tactile stimuli, etc. that give us pleasure when we imagine them in our minds.

What are your fantasies like, do you make real movies in your head or do your senses take you to pleasure havens?

In any case, whatever the type of fantasy, the most important thing is to give yourself permission to fantasize, free of guilt, censure, shame or fear .

What are the meanings of sexual fantasies?

The meaning of fantasies has a relative importance, if we start from the idea that there is no bad sexual fantasy as long as it works. If the fantasy is able to activate you, to suggest you, to make you feel pleasure, that fantasy works. Use it and use it a lot!

However, sometimes the fantasies can be a cause for concern or can make the person’s intimacy difficult, in which case they become disturbing or intrusive fantasies, or as Wendy Maltz also calls them, trap fantasies .

These types of fantasies can occur when the fantasy itself is in contradiction with the person’s reality or when the fantasy makes the person who is living it lose a sense of control or they can also be those that maintain or reinforce negative or even dangerous behaviors.

In these cases, it is good and reassuring to know that fantasies can be shaped to the consumer’s liking . Therefore, one can discard this fantasy and look for another one.Wendy Maltz conducts guided explorations of fantasies in workshops or in therapy and in her book she explains how she does this, telling some cases.

What are the advantages of sexual fantasies?

1. The mind is the most important engine of sexual activation . Using the potential that the ability to fantasize brings can help to enrich and enjoy sex life more, as it acts directly on increasing sexual desire. By fantasizing, one can have experiences that one may not be able or willing to have in real life, but which, when experienced in the mind, bring enormous pleasure.

2. They are a source of improved self-esteem and personal attractiveness . Generally speaking, fantasies allow us to focus on the more detailed and sexy , and can avoid criticism from others and self-criticism.

3.They help to rehearse possible future practices or can serve to preserve pleasant past memories or to overcome some limitations of the present .

4.Fantasies are personal creations and as such, they can be modified as desired, adapting them to personal tastes and needs.

5.It is a simple, fun, creative technique that is available to everyone and is free! (important detail in these times when everything seems to have a price).

6.The more you practice fantasizing, the easier it is to trigger well-being , pleasure and even, sexual response.

There are too many good things about this practice not to consider fantasizing.

Bibliographic references:

  • Maltz, W, and Boss, A. (1998) . The intimate world of female sexual fantasies: a journey of passion, pleasure and self-discovery . Publisher: Paidós Iberíca.

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