Relationships are not only based on love. They also go hand in hand with a series of commitments and efforts aimed at creating a climate of mutual trust. And this, in turn, raises expectations about what will happen in the future in that relationship.

However, there are times when expectations in love do not match reality , either because they are based on an unjustified optimism, or because they make us fall into something that can almost be considered paranoia and fear of abandonment. Knowing how to analyze whether or not they adjust to reality is one of the most important elements for maintaining the love bond, if you already have a partner, or for correcting certain attitudes if you do not have a stable love relationship.

What are expectations in relationships?

In the world of love relationships, expectations are the set of beliefs that delineate an expected or probable future with regard to living together and mutual accompaniment with real or imagined people (in the case of a couple that has not yet met).

Thus, they are not just a set of ideas “stored” inside the brain of each of the lovers, but they are constantly affecting the way in which the people who participate in the emotional bond interact with each other on a daily basis, even if they do not explicitly talk about future plans.

That is why it is vital to see to what extent these expectations are compatible and fit together, or to what extent these ideas are not too demanding with what life offers us . It should be kept in mind that these expectations are not only about what the person in love with us will or could be like, but also the material context in which the relationship will take place. For example, is it wise to expect a life of luxury in a couple if there is no money to be made in the present? Probably not.

We will now examine, depending on whether or not these are expectations in love, whether or not a relationship already exists, how we can adjust them to what makes sense. First, let’s start with those who already have a corresponding love relationship.

How to assess expectations in love if you already have a partner

Follow these guidelines to reach the most objective understanding possible, keep these key ideas in mind in your daily life.

1. Analyze the causes of possible fears

Many times, uncertainty makes us afraid of getting frustrated by placing too much hope in a relationship. It is clear that each case is unique, but in spite of this it is possible to evaluate a series of objective criteria to ensure that there really are reasonable causes for doubting .

First, start by thinking about your situation and creating a list. Second, think about the extent to which these are fears associated with real or imagined signs, probable or not. You can sort them by this criterion, and assess how important each one is to you.

2. Think about your self-esteem

Some fears may arise not from the characteristics of the relationship itself, but from self-esteem. This is very frequent in people who have an unkind concept of themselves and believe they will be abandoned because they are not worth much . Detecting the cause of this problem is already a great advance, and psychological therapy usually helps.

3. Have you fantasized too much?

There are times when the glimpse of a very happy future makes us obsessed with such ideas, and we become dependent on it for our own happiness. At the same time, appears the fear of not reaching that goal .

So reflect on whether, if you really have a tomorrow clearly marked by a happiness far greater than that of the present, there is reason to assume that this will be the case, and what you are doing to achieve it.

4. Speak up

The sharing of these ideas is crucial. Talking about your illusions and fears can be somewhat stressful, but it is necessary if there is a suspicion of a mismatch in this area. However, it is crucial to do so from a constructive point of view.

And if you’re single…

When it comes to reviewing your expectations of love when you are single , follow these tips.

1. Do you have a very marked filter? Check it out

Sometimes we dismiss the possibility of initiating relationships with certain people simply because they do not meet one or more very defined characteristics. Does this make sense?

2. Are you trying to give an image that is not real? Don’t do it

Some people expect to have love relationships by attracting the profile of the ideal boyfriend or girlfriend by behaving in a way that is supposed to attract that kind of person . This is an imposture that leads nowhere in practice.

3. Have you assumed loneliness? Question it

No one has to be alone or lonely, although certain people have an easier time attracting the attention of others. But defeatism effectively makes the rest of the people not perceive any interest in oneself.