In relationships, human beings find the greatest learning, the greatest satisfaction, and the most relevant and transcendent experiences of our lives… but also the greatest difficulties.

Our fears and apprehensions flow in the couple’s relationship with a greater intensity , as if that emotional bond implies a kind of emotional catharsis. What do these fears and apprehensions lead to? Where do they come from? And above all: how can they be solved?

Fear in relationships

Human beings are naturally social, affective and emotional animals. We need contact and relationship with the other to know ourselves and grow . “The other” implies a kind of mirror in which we reflect ourselves.

But the relationship or sentimental relationship is different. In that mirror our best qualities are reflected (the capacity to love, understand and accompany, precisely through the differences) and also our deepest difficulties arise (the fear of abandonment, the need to want to have control, the use of the couple as a reflection to exploit, jealousy, insecurities, dissatisfactions, etc.).

Partner learning is learning about oneself

The couple’s relationship is a projection of the state of learning and personal development in which we are . Sometimes we think that our relationship as a couple is going well just because our expectations are met, but this is usually only usual in the first phases of the relationship, where two completely different people meet and come together only on the basis of their similarities and compatibilities.

With time, difficulties and differences come , in a kind of struggle of egos and where the greatest fears are felt . Where do these fears come from?

Each person has a very particular and small view of reality. Each person interprets reality according to their vision, belief system, self-esteem, and above all their way of managing their emotions. This makes you believe that you “are” in a certain way, you have specific needs (which are usually fictitious and also a product of those fears or fears). All these difficulties are usually reflected in the couple and the attitudes end up being defensive . Instead of accompanying each other, we fight and try to control the other so that they adjust to our point of view and vision of how life should be.

The conclusion is simple: you cannot, and should not, try to control anything outside yourself .

How Fear Works

Fear is a necessary, basic and fundamental emotion for survival. Fear helps you protect your life. Thus, the problem with fears is not your fears themselves, but the way you manage your emotions and those fears in particular.

Fears in couples are usually too abstract, unreal, a projection of an event that has not happened . We have learned to live according to fear not because of our past experiences, but because we have not known how to understand and manage our emotions in times of difficulty. This leaves a mark that is reflected in the couple. However, it is precisely the relationship that is a perfect opportunity to clean up that footprint, to learn to understand and manage your emotions and to have them on your side instead of against you.

Managing emotions to build trust and confidence and overcome fears in the couple

The basis of everything that happens to us is in our emotions, since we are emotional beings and emotion is a constant in our lives, which not only influences our state of mind but every decision we make, behavior, way of communicating and understanding life and interpreting situations.

Managing emotions is a lifelong learning process . It includes 3 necessary learnings: learning to understand your emotions and not to live conditioned by them, learning to manage them in a functional way with a concrete plan of action, and learning to generate confidence and security in your life and that this learning is forever (because you learn mainly about yourself).

If you want to take the step, you can register for free at Emociónate dentro de empoderamientohumano.com, where you can deepen your emotions and take the necessary steps to learn how to manage them forever and thus have them on your side instead of against you.

Relationships, with all their difficulties and hard times, are the most revealing experience of our lives because they show us who we are and, above all, who we are not. It is difficult to answer the question of who you are, but you can know who you are not: you are not all those fears, fears and insecurities. Transcending them will be the key to living well, both with you and with others.