Filial-parental violence is that which children exercise towards their parents . It usually occurs from underage males towards the mother, although not necessarily. The aggressions may be both physical and psychological or material and occur repeatedly, with the aim of maintaining control of the family dynamic. Therefore, significant cycles of violence are generated that have a negative impact on both the victims and the family itself.

In this article we will see in more detail what is philo-parental violence, why it can happen and what are some of its consequences.

What is philo-parental violence?

Filial-parental violence is a type of domestic violence characterized by a set of aggressive acts perpetrated by a minor towards his or her parent, making the latter feel threatened, intimidated and controlled (Paterson, Luntz, Perlesz and Cotton, 2002, cited by Gámez-Guadix and Calvete, 2012).

In the Spanish penal code, filio-parental violence is typified in article 173(2) and defined as “habitual abuse in the family environment”, where the main characteristic is the civil or cohabitation relationship between the victim and the aggressor , which does not necessarily imply the biological link between both (Molla-Esparza and Aroca-MontolĂ­o, 2018). In other words, the victim is the one who has a civil responsibility with the aggressor, although it is not always the parent.

Main characteristics

Filial-parental violence can occur in families that have a blood link, as well as in foster, adoptive or reconstructed families. Likewise, the aggression may be direct or indirect, and the abuse may be verbal, psychological, material or economic, physical or sexual .

These abuses are also characterized by the presence of intimidating, controlling, dominating or empowering behaviours on the part of the aggressor, which are carried out in an intentional manner and which may cause harm or pain to the victim. On the other hand, the aggressions can be exercised by one or several members of the family nucleus, and directed to one or several members of the same.

As it is a socially unacceptable phenomenon, one of the characteristics of filio-parental violence is that is usually kept hidden within the family , which aggravates the circle of violence. For the same reason, this is a phenomenon that until recently had not been studied.

Especially when it comes to minor children, this phenomenon is often covered up, since responsibility for the child’s behaviour tends to fall entirely on the parents, in many cases on the mother, who is precisely the object of the aggression in the majority .

Currently, philo-parental violence has gained special interest, so there is a large amount of specialized literature on the subject.

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Why does it happen?

The clinical-forensic psychologist and Ombudsman for Children of the Community of Madrid, Javier Urra, is one of the most renowned specialists in the investigation and description of philo-parental violence.

It tells us that in the majority of cases is carried out by a male minor between 12 and 18 years old , and that the aggression occurs mainly towards the mother. It is usually the older child, although it may be a younger child, which generally occurs when the older child has left home.

The same psychologist explains that philo-parental violence is related to the development of dominant personalities and behaviours of children, which in turn is a consequence of both an excessively permissive society and previous exposure to violence.

Following this, we will briefly see the relationship between philo-parental violence and the experiences of violence within and outside the family, as well as some of the causes for which philo-parental violence is intensified within families .

Relationship between philo-parental violence and exposure to violence

Urra (2006) does not say that some of the elements surrounding philo-parental violence that represent important risk factors are the following:

  • Violence learned in a vicarious manner , for example, from the father’s treatment of the mother.
  • In the case of children of separated parents, this may occur due to the influence of comments made by the father on the mother , and vice versa, as well as due to certain styles of living with the new partners.
  • In adopted children it may occur because of a history of violence or because of condescending parenting styles that compensate for the lack of blood ties.

On the other hand, Molla-Esparza and Aroca-MontolĂ­o (2018), in their review of the scientific literature on philo-parental violence, tell us that violent behaviour occurs when the individual has learned to use force of any kind on another individual , this being a mechanism to achieve objectives, solve problems and resolve conflicts, within a framework where there is a real or perceived imbalance of power.

The latter is in addition to studies on the explanatory model of the intergenerational theory of violence, which report how the observation or experience of abuse is a risk factor that triggers philo-parental violence.

In other words, direct or indirect exposure to violence, which among other things brings with it the inability to firmly reject inappropriate behavior, increases the likelihood that a dynamic of violence will develop from child to parent. Such exposure usually occurs within the home , although it may also happen on the street or in other nearby environments.

Intensification by two-way violence within the family

Following the previous line, Sancho, 2016, tells us that philo-parental violence is a phenomenon that is not only a problem of the child, but of the family as a whole. This is so because, on the one hand, the dynamics of violence are often experienced in a negative way by all members of the family. On the other hand, all types of domestic violence have a series of elements that speak of relational dynamics and conflicts and not only individual ones.

For example, there are often desperate attempts to re-establish the hierarchy, thus installing a dynamic of two-way violence, which, being perceived as an aggression by both sides, is justified as a form of self-defence (Molla-Esparza and Aroca-MontolĂ­o, 2018). This intensifies and lengthens the cycle of violence, but these dynamics, which lead to the violent relationship, can be traced, identified and modified.

Emotional consequences on parents and prevention strategy

We have seen that philo-parental violence is that through which the child exercises abusive behaviour against his or her parents, or against those who carry out that function. The latter occurs consciously or intentionally, as well as repeatedly over time.

It should be noted that the two previous elements, intentionality and repetition, are determining factors for the definition of behaviour as abuse, and are distinguished from a specific aggression that is not considered philo-parental violence (Molla-Esparza and Aroca-MontolĂ­o, 2018).

On the other hand, the immediate purpose of the exercise of violence is not so much to cause harm as to gain mastery of the dynamics generated with the victim. However, harm is one of the inevitable consequences, since such mastery is pursued through psychological, emotional, physical, or economic violence.

The main consequence of the latter is the prolonged experience of suffering and frustration in the parents , because of the violent situation and also because of the feeling of lacking resources to avoid or counteract it. It can also imply important difficulties with the partner or with the person who shares the care of the child.

Specifically, depending on the frequency and intensity of the aggressions, philo-parental violence can lead to concealment, guilt, shame and a sense of failure, to mention some of the main emotional consequences for parents.

Finally, according to research by Molla-Esparza and Aroca-MontolĂ­o (2018), the greater the level of impotence and confusion on their part, the greater the risk of perpetuating the cycle of violence, since it is generated between the need to give in and the need to defend oneself; for this reason, prevention and intervention strategies must act towards breaking the coercive dynamics of this cycle.

Bibliographic references:

  • Molla-Esparza, C. and Aroca-MontolĂ­o, C. (2018). Minors who abuse their parents: a comprehensive definition and its cycle of violence. Anuario de PsicologĂ­a JurĂ­dica, 28: 15-21.
  • Sancho, JL. (2016). Filioparental violence: psychosocial characteristics of adolescents and parents in severe family conflict. Doctoral thesis, Faculty of Psychology, Universidad Complutense de Madrid.
  • RodrĂ­guez, N. (2017). Study of philo-parental violence: analysis of a juvenile court case. End of degree work in Psychology, Universitat Jaume I.
  • Gámez-Guadix, M. and Calvete, E. (2012). Filioparental violence and its association with exposure to marital violence and parent-child aggression. Psicothema, 24(2): 277-283.
  • Urra, J. (2006). The little dictator. When the parents are the victims. The Book Sphere: Madrid.