Ligating techniques are an increasingly widespread claim within the current literature, in which psychology has much to say.

However, not all the things that have been published on this complex subject are useful or based on scientific criteria, beyond the inventiveness of some daring author, as is the case with the widespread suggestion of combining praise with a veiled criticism of the kind: “what a beautiful dress you are wearing, I have seen it on many women”.Of course this is a good way to be reminded of one, but we must avoid making a negative impact on the other person.

Since there are differences in the dynamics of men’s and women’s desire , we will start by talking about those techniques to link different men and women, to finish by talking about what aspects are common in both cases.

Gender Differences in Ligation Techniques

These are the aspects in which both sexes are distinguished from each other in terms of attraction.

1. Showing interest and generating doubt

The prototype of choice of love in the case of men is more related to the object itself (to the qualities or the physical one), what in psychology we call choice of object love, while women make a narcissistic choice, that is, they look more at how much they want it than at how it is their object of desire . That is why during the relationship women need to hear more often that they are wanted.

Therefore, a useful resource is found in men’s direct expression of how much interest they take in women. However, in the first moments of flirtation, generating the doubt of whether or not the man is interested in them is effective (according to a study published by the University of Virginia and Harvard).

2. The smile

Men prefer smiling women, but women are not so positively influenced by this quality (according to a study published at Columbia University), but rather by signs of distress, shyness and low gaze of men , in a punctual manner.

3. Listening

Although we all like to feel listened to and this capacity is valued in a generic way (not only in intimate relationships but also in any social bond) we must take into account that women speak more than men, a fact verified by the University of Maryland in which they find that there is a higher percentage of the protein in charge of language in their brains, and they have a greater need to communicate verbally . Thus, a man who is a good listener is more likely to attract women, while this characteristic is less valued by men.

4. Intelligence

Again, she is attractive to both sexes, but with a nuance. Unfortunately, an excess of intelligence in the case of women can intimidate men , as revealed by a study published by the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

5. The sense of humor

A sense of humor is desirable for both sexes but with a difference: according to a study by Eric Bressler, women look more at men who make them laugh while they value women who laugh at their jokes more .

Common aspects in men and women

This is what both sexes share when it comes to flirting techniques.

1. Odors

We know that we are conditioned by the Halo Effect, that is, the first impression is usually important in terms of the subsequent assessment we make of someone. Although we cannot modify our physical qualities, we do have a resource to “manipulate” how they are perceived by others in order to be more attractive: smell.

In fact, we process olfactory stimuli in a brain region that also receives visual information, so that one intervenes in the processing of the other. Cosmetic companies are well aware of the effect that odours have on us, and they make their perfumes with pheromones to attract the opposite sex.

2. Mouth-eye triangle

Another trick is to look at the eye-mouth triangle while having a conversation to arouse the partner’s sexual desire, which also works as an indicator of the other’s desire (not so when only looking at the eyes).

3. Repeat the name

The human being is narcissistic by nature (and I am not referring to the pejorative character of the colloquial term, but to the psychological concept), because of that need to feel valued and recognized. That is why we like to hear our name pronounced in the mouth of others. Therefore, repeating the name of the person we are addressing and trying to seduce is a powerful reinforcement of the bond.

4. The group effect

Although we usually seek intimacy when we want to gain someone’s interest, the first contacts are better made in a group than alone . According to research carried out by psychologist Drew Walker, we are more attractive when we are in a group than in an isolated way, since common traits are more desirable than rare ones.

5. Analysis of non-verbal language

Knowing how non-verbal language is interpreted, we can know both the receptivity of the other by their positions and the way in which we have to manifest ourselves in order to transmit interest. For example, refrain from crossing ankles or arms during courtship since this gesture denotes in the first case doubt and in the second rejection.

Another common mistake is to look at the position of the head during conversation, when what really gives us a reference of the interest that others have is that the posture of the torso and legs are directed towards us.

A well-known gesture popularly associated with women is the touching of their hair. More than a sign of interest to them (which also), it is a resource for them, since it works as a powerful catcher of a man’s attention that the woman touches herself discreetly.

Ligation techniques are not infallible

Having said that, do not lose sight of the fact that although scientific research, the study of the mind and the analysis of our corporeality have shed light on some aspects to be taken into account when it comes to flirting, these indications cannot be taken as a dogma since there are many exceptions to the rules.

The art of seduction is something very personal where naturalness and simplicity are the real keys to success.