It’s Saturday night at last! The week has passed, and we’ve been looking forward to the weekend and getting out there.
Focusing only on flirting won’t help us in any way. Over-motivation can affect our effectiveness and will cause us to go home alone and beaten if we don’t achieve our only goal. Are you one of those who goes out at night with the sole thought of approaching every woman who comes across your path to see if something is itching? You’re using the wrong strategy, very wrong.
If you feel like it, take a look at this post: “10 ways to be more attractive (scientifically proven)”
We have to learn to flirt without flirting!
Flirting without flirting, is that possible?
I suppose you’re thinking: what the hell is this “flirting without flirting”?
Well, it may seem like a tautology or nonsense, but it’s a philosophy that works for more and more men who want to meet women. If you keep reading, you’ll understand why some things work when it comes to seducing girls while others lead to failure.
8 beginner’s seducer errors and 8 solutions to improve your social skills
Strangely enough, here are eight mistakes that we all make when we go out to meet girls , and eight solutions for learning how to have fun and not focus on picking up girls.
1. Going out for a flirt
As we pointed out in the introduction, if we spend all our energy and time flirting and talking to girls, we will be betting everything on one card and, if we fail, this will affect our self-esteem. Flirting is just one more thing we can do in a social context. An interesting thing, no doubt, but not the only or most important one.
We have to bear in mind that it is more positive to go out and have fun and socialize with all kinds of people, whatever their sex. Starting to talk to our friends and acquaintances and have fun with them will help us forget about flirting and will relax us.
2.There’s the girl of my dreams, I’m going to knock her out by showing off my sympathy and my people skills
A girl is at the bar with a friend, she attracts us and we feel the urgent need to hit on her. We think of an ingenious way to approach and impress her and, when we decide to talk to her, we feel that fear invades us and paralyzes us.
We don’t have to impress anyone . We haven’t come here to make fireworks or a show of something as simple as talking to someone. We have to adapt to the social skills we have at the time. It’s not about liking anyone: it’s about knowing someone. Important nuance. If we place too much importance on interaction, we are likely to be overcome by fear of failure and doing something wrong. The best thing is to approach that girl immediately with humility and try to have fun with her. A simple hello , sometimes, works better than the most ingenious phrase in the world.
Get out of here!
We have managed to get close to her; we have her in front of us and we can see that she is as beautiful as she seemed from afar. We look at her and realize that she is looking at us seriously and tired. Again we are afraid of being rejected , we turn around and leave in a hurry, before she lets go of a border or doesn’t even speak to us and turns her face.
We have already pointed out that we should approach a girl to have fun and not to flirt with her . But it is likely that, even though we have assumed this concept, we are still afraid of feeling rejected. Girls, especially in a discotheque, are used to and saturated with being the target of glances and receive thousands of comments from boys who want to hit on them. It’s normal that they don’t like it when “another heavyweight” comes along.
For this reason we have to understand sportily that many look at us in a hostile way. Let us not hold it against them and excuse their initial reticence. Let us continue to want to have fun and if she does not accept our open door to fun, it is her loss. And if, on top of that, she is rude to us, let us pity her tactlessness; we will find someone polite who deserves our attention.
4. You’re pathetic!
We return, with our group of friends, happy and content because we have unmasked one more unfriendly one. It hasn’t affected us at all and we have had fun with failure, but our friends think differently : they tell us that we are ridiculous behaving like this and that we are ashamed of others; we should do like them and not try to be what we are not. We bow our heads and silently think that they are right: we swear to ourselves not to go near a girl again in the night.
If our friends have paid a ticket to stay and drink, watch life go by right under their noses and all they know how to do is put sticks in our wheels, that’s their problem, not ours. We don’t have to be ashamed of our interest in meeting new people and having fun with it. And if they don’t understand that and keep laughing at us maybe we should start asking ourselves who our friends really are.
5.This is a antro
We’ve been in that place for over an hour, we look around and discover that we don’t like the music they play or the people at the party.
It’s important that we choose the places we go because our main goal is to have fun and feel comfortable. If we don’t like music and feel like we have nothing in common with anyone, we’ll feel like “freaks”. Next time we should think about where we want to go. That will make it easier for us. If we have things in common with the audience, it will be easier to feel like one of them and we will probably have more things to share with them and therefore it will be easier for us to start a conversation, for example, about tastes and hobbies.
6.I need one more drink
To try to get rid of our inhibitions and start to be more sociable, we invest money and time in drinking alcohol .
Drinking won’t help us . It may make us feel more sociable temporarily but it will take away control over ourselves and, if we drink too much, we will only increase our chance of being rejected by drunks. Drinking should be a social act, not a necessity. Let’s not use drinking as a drug, much less as an excuse for our failures by saying “I didn’t get laid because I was too drunk”. Let’s learn to overcome our fear without the need for narcotics.Being under proper control of our social skills will help our assertiveness and ability to relate to others.
7.Sex is the most important thing in the world
There are five minutes left to close the club, we’ve met a couple of girls but it’s not enough for us: we want to go home accompanied because we haven’t slept with anyone for a long time and, we feel that if we don’t, we’ll be lost because sex is the best thing in the world.
Despair and need are not attractive at all . We have to understand that sex is one more attraction in life but that nobody has died from not having sex. There are four primary motives that move human beings: hunger, thirst, sleep and sex. If we don’t eat for a long time we die, if we don’t drink for a long time we die, if we don’t sleep for a long time we die and if we don’t have sex for a long time nothing happens because nobody has died for lack of sex , and the species is not going to become extinct if we don’t have sex either.
We have to start valuing other things, besides sex, that make us feel good; like playing sports, having fun with friends, studying, learning to play an instrument… We have to base our self-esteem on things that only depend on us, and sex is not one of them. We are not less interesting or less men because we don’t have sex every weekend.
8.I hate girls, they are all the same and I will die alone
We are in the subway, on our way home, alone or accompanied by our friends, and we don’t even have the strength to stand up. We review how the night went and the last forces we have are invested in drawing one conclusion: I hate girls!
Misogyny and machismo has never been appealing to someone with a stable self-esteem and, moreover, we will be undermining our future interactions. Protecting our self-concept in this way will make us feel good at the time, but no matter how many times we repeat it to ourselves, we will not be right. Girls might think that about us, too. They might think that there are no boys who know how to treat girls and that we’re all going to the same thing.
We better invest our energies in thinking about what we have done wrong and how we can correct our mistakes and improve in future interactions. And also, let’s think about the good times ; about what we have laughed with our friends, about that song we like so much and have danced to as if there were no tomorrow. Let’s rejoice that we have come closer to a girl and overcome our fears a little more. Let’s be happy that we are becoming more like the person we want to be.
In short, we have to learn to go out and have fun and not flirt . Flirting without flirting , should be the slogan of this article. Being afraid of the results will make us give too much importance to something as simple and harmless as meeting new people.
Learning to develop our social skills is a slow process that will probably be full of successes as well as failures. Rejoicing in our successes and learning from our failures will cause us to create a belief system that will work in our favour. Flirting is not the most important thing in the world; we have a life full of friends and loved ones that we have to take care of, starting with ourselves.