Love is one of the forces and emotions that move and motivate us the most. Living as a couple increases life expectancy, facilitates the acquisition of attitudes such as tolerance and negotiation, allows us to share joys and receive support in bad times, as well as softening pain, suffering and stress.

If the relationship is good it is often a source of joy, satisfaction and motivation, even though it is natural that there are conflicts and it can also mean some limitations and suffering.

However, not all affective relationships are positive and functional, but they can lead to profoundly unadaptive, suffering generating or limiting behaviours for one or both of the components of the relationship. This is the case of the so-called Fortunata syndrome, which involves and is a type of emotional dependence on another person. It is about this syndrome that we are going to talk here.

Fortunata syndrome: definition and characteristics

It is called Fortunata syndrome, a maladaptive, abnormal and non-functional way of relating that some people maintain towards the person who is the object of romantic and affective-sexual interest. Specifically, Fortunata syndrome is characterised by the establishment of relationships of dependency towards married people, often establishing itself in the role of lover of these .

Among the main characteristics or symptoms of the syndrome, first of all, there is the presence of a feeling of deep love for the person who is the object of desire, which persists over time and independently of the existence of a current relationship on his part.

A deep loyalty and abnegation towards her is shown and it is common that life without the lover is considered meaningless , with a strong attachment to the loved one that can last for years or even decades.

The dependence is absolute, being able to make any house that the object of their love asks of them and being able to forgive, justify or ignore any action or lie of this or that. Moreover, they only feel attracted to that person and they leave aside other possible opportunities and relationships, and they can even leave everything (work, family, home…) because of it.

In these people also we can observe the presence of utopian and extremely optimistic beliefs and fantasies that things will change, that the person loved will end up leaving his/her current relationship to be together, and there is usually the belief that one has more right to be together than the one in the current relationship. There are often dreams and a focus on information that favors the presence of interest on the part of the loved one.

With respect to the woman or man married to the object of desire, the person with Fortunata syndrome maintains an ambivalent attitude: on the one hand, he or she considers her a rival whom he or she despises and considers that he or she is taking something from her, while on the other hand, he or she may show empathy, admiration or a desire to be like her or him. It is considered that it is mere chance or bad luck that the loved one is married and that something will happen that will make him/her end up being together.

It is a syndrome that is not considered a psychiatric disorder or pathology , although it has characteristics that can be dysfunctional and generate great suffering over time. In fact, obsessive, borderline personality or even delusional characteristics may occur, and in itself implies a toxic relationship between both parties that may lead to the appearance of abusive behaviour.

As a general rule, those affected are usually heterosexual women, although it can also occur between couples of the same sex, whether male or female. It must be taken into account that the syndrome is not necessarily identified with the fact of being a lover: it is possible to maintain affective-sexual relationships, but it can also occur unilaterally.

Origin of the term

Fortunata syndrome is named after the well-known novel Fortunata and Jacinta , by Benito Pérez Galdós. In this novel Fortunata is in love with Juan Santa Cruz, who is however married to Jacinta. Juan and Fortunata establish a lover’s relationship, wishing Fortunata to be in Jacinta’s position, but Juan is not willing to leave Jacinta.

Fortunata ends up becoming a prostitute and even gets married, but she remains Juan’s lover for years, believing that he must be her real husband and even goes so far as to have children with him, while her thoughts about Jacinta go from anger to admiration and the consideration that both are equally legitimate, considering that the whole situation is justified by the love she feels. All these characteristics, as we have seen, are not uncommon in the syndrome described above.

Possible causes of this dependency

There are multiple causes that may lead to the emergence of this syndrome , and several authors have tried to offer an explanation to its origin. Among them, some of the most common and those that have paid the most attention to the syndrome are the psychodynamic ones.

Some authors propose that this is a way of putting into practice the masochistic tendencies of those who suffer from them. It has also been proposed that this way of relating is a reflection of a poorly resolved Oedipus complex, which causes an attraction towards married people as the parent of the opposite sex and an ambivalent relationship with the third person with whom one is competing (the person of the same sex or the “mother” in the case of women).

Other hypotheses establish that it is a learned relational pattern, as it happens in the usual dependent personality, in which self-sacrifice and giving everything for the other without taking into account one’s own needs is conceived as something virtuous and courageous and that everything must be allowed and accepted out of love. Feelings of grief and guilt may arise in case the separation or cessation of their love may generate pain in the other.

It is also common in women and men who are subjected to restrictive and rigid education, as well as in people with low self-esteem, insecurity and need to be accepted.

Along with this it is common for there to be excessive and distorted expectations of what romantic love is , full of misfitting myths and distorted beliefs regarding what coexistence implies. Finally, from the cognitive-behavioral perspective, the role of reinforcement in the maintenance of this syndrome has been explored: the presence of the loved one acts as an immediate reinforcer, something that together with the fear and avoidance of loneliness causes the maintenance of dependent behavior and thought patterns.

How to treat this problem

Treating Fortunata syndrome is complex and involves a set of strategies very similar to those employed in dependent personality disorder. The first thing is to analyse the thoughts, beliefs and emotions of the patient and with respect to romantic love and its relationship with the object of desire.

Once this is done, it will be possible to try to work on the awareness of the problem that the bonding or the focus on the married person implies, restructuring little by little the cognitions of the subject and making him/her see the suffering and the limitations that it generates, as well as the factors that are participating in the origin and maintenance of the problem.

Work must also be done on disassociation with respect to the person in question and the prevention of responses so that they do not relapse with the same person or establish another equally dysfunctional relationship.

The presence of myths and beliefs about romantic love can be restructured later, and techniques such as exposure with prevention of response to tasks and situations without thinking about or linking to the object of desire can be applied. Self-esteem and the acquisition of independence, as well as a focus on oneself, should also be worked on.

Bibliographic references:

  • Barraca Mairal, J. (2015). A form of emotional dependence: Fortunata syndrome. Papers of the Psychologist, 36 (2):145-152.
  • Castelló Blasco, J. (2005). Emotional dependence: characteristics and treatment. Madrid: Alianza.
  • Tuch, R. (2002). The single woman-married man syndrome (2nd ed.). Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson.

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