Usually, most people tend to be sexually interested in people who are close to or similar to their own age (up to about a decade above or below is most common). But there are also couples of very different ages. Although it is not very common nowadays, there is nothing pathological about it if this union is between consenting adults and there is no abuse or exploitation of circumstances that limit the ability to consent.

However, there are cases of people who have intense sexual fantasies and are attracted exclusively or almost exclusively to stimuli that most society considers abnormal and which generally include non-consensual people or animals, inanimate objects or pain/submission relationships between bedfellows. When this attraction generates a discomfort to the person or to others , it is practically the only type of stimulus that generates sexual attraction and/or generates limitations in the life of the subject or his or her sexual partner, we are talking about a paraphilia.

Within the paraphilias we can find a type that, although rare, is subject to some controversy since its inclusion within the paraphilias could only generate discomfort or limitations to the subject himself or his partner: gerontophilia or attraction to the very old . It is about this that we will talk in this article.

Gerontophilia: basic definition

The sexual attraction towards older people is called gerontophilia and the subject is considerably younger . The age difference that is usually considered is at least 35 years of differential The person in question has recurrent sexual fantasies about the elderly, this being the characteristic that exclusively or almost exclusively generates sexual excitement.

It is important to note and emphasize that when we talk about gerontophilia we are not talking about a spontaneous crush on someone of advanced age. A person with gerontophilia feels an attraction that is not so much derived from knowing a person but from the fact that he or she is old. In other words, what awakens the sexual impulse is that it is from an elderly person , regardless of what the person is like.

As a paraphilia, the interest maintained is in principle merely sexual, although in some cases the gerontophiliac and the object of his desire may become romantically linked.

The classification of gerontophilia as a paraphilia can be controversial , because paraphilia is often confused with having a relationship with someone much older. But the truth is that one does not imply the other: you can have a relationship with an older person and the person who does so does not have to fall into the category of gerontophiliac. In fact, gerontophilia is a paraphilia only if it generates a clinically significant discomfort, if it implies a functional limitation in the day-to-day life of the person or if the only stimulus that awakens sexual desire is old age as such.

Basic types

There are two basic types of germaphilia, or rather we could find mainly two types of attraction towards older people.

1. Alphamegamy

The first of these is alphamegamy , in which there would be a sexual attraction on the part of a young person (whether male or female) towards much older males and within the elderly.

2. Matroswimming

The other type corresponds to sexual attraction to older women by men or much younger women , this case being called matronolagnia.

Causes of gerontophilia at the paraphilia level

Although relationships between people of different ages do not necessarily imply the presence of gerontophilia, in cases where a paraphilia is being discussed, the question may arise as to what makes this fixation with the elderly appear . In this sense, there are multiple explanations that can be found. It should be noted that we are talking about paraphilia, not about falling in love with someone who happens to be that age.

One of them tells us about the presence of an insecure, dependent or needy personality that would see in being old a stimulus that has traditionally been associated with wisdom, experience, protection and warmth. This view of old age may cause some people to develop a certain sexual desire for these characteristics, which makes them feel safe.

It may also arise in the context of people who feel unable to relate successfully to people their age (something that also occurs in some cases of paedophilia).

Another possibility arises from conditioning: it is possible that in a situation of sexual excitement the image or some type of stimulus related to old age may have appeared by chance, which may have subsequently been positively reinforced (for example through masturbation).

Related to this, cases have also been observed in which the existence of this type of attraction is derived from traumatic experiences , such as sexual abuse in childhood, in which the sexual act with people much older than the subject himself has somehow been normalized. Sexual excitement has been associated with the difference in age or with old age, generally acquiring a certain compulsive tinge towards the elderly.

Another possible reason can be found in the fragility of the elderly or the fact that they have someone to care for them: the elderly are generally people in poor health, who may need help and may be somewhat dependent. Some people may find it sexually stimulating to be necessary and help the elderly .

The opposite pole would be found in the search for relationships of domination-submission: an old man can be more fragile than his partner, something that puts the gerontophiliac in a position of certain superiority at the level of physical power. In this case, special caution should be taken with regard to the possibility of an attempt to abuse the old person in question , as there may be a vexatious component that seeks to subject the old person .

Treatment

The treatment of any paraphilia is a complex matter, which requires taking into account a large number of factors and variables.

In the case of gerontophilia, the first thing to consider is whether there really is a paraphilia as such , which may be more complex than it appears at first glance. In the first place, and as we have already repeated throughout the article, having a partner of a very different age from one’s own does not make the subject a gerontophiliac, this being only a paraphilia when it implies a clinically significant discomfort, limits the life of the person or generates damage to the partner. Thus, age-differentiated couples with different ages must be excluded, as well as relationships based on interest.

But even if there is discomfort, it is necessary to evaluate why, given that the experience of discomfort can only be generated by social disapproval or the internalisation of this.

In the case of working with the paraphilia itself, it will be necessary to evaluate what makes old age the almost exclusive object of desire for the subject, what aspects he considers relevant and the repercussions that this situation has on him.

Also aspects such as security and self-esteem will be worked on , as well as social and problem-solving skills, in cases in which the attraction is due solely to considering oneself incapable of dealing with people of a similar age to the chronological one or in cases in which what attracts is the need to feel necessary.

Another type of intervention will be necessary if it arises from traumatic experiences, which will have to be worked on. Also in the case that it is due to aspects related to power and submission, being especially vigilant of the existence of some possible abuse towards elderly people with whom they have a relationship.

But all this could only be necessary if it is something that has not been chosen and is lived with unease by the parties involved . In other cases, it should be taken into account that in the end and when it is such, love has no age

Bibliographic references:

  • Ball, H. N. (2005). Sexual offending on elderly women: A review. Journal of Forensic Psychiatry and Psychology.
  • Janssen, D.F. (2014). Gerontophilia: A Forensic Archaism. Sexual Offender Treatment. 9 (1).
  • Kaul, A.; Duffy, S. (1991). “Gerontophilia: A case report.” Medicine, Science and the Law. 31: 110–114.