Healing a broken heart: 7 keys to dealing with heartbreak
It could be thought that the opposite of love is not hate, but love failure. The feeling of loss that is often called “having a broken heart” is a type of grief that can be very difficult to face . Not only does it entail a loss in the face of future situations (the impossibility of feeling and acting the same way again when we are with a certain person) but it also makes us question the authenticity of all the experiences we have had in the real or imagined company of that person.
Recommended article: “The 5 phases to overcome the duel of the couple’s breakup”
The sensation of having a broken heart is hard not only because of the material changes that accompany it, such as the fact of not seeing or seeing much less of a person, but also because of the existential doubts that it introduces in us. Have we lived an unrequited love? Has the other person changed, or has it been us? Did our relationship necessarily have to come to an end, or could we have fixed it? Have we done something to deserve to have our hearts broken?
These are not questions that we ask ourselves from the distance with which a scientist studies a group of cells: they are doubts that are originated by a series of feelings such as guilt, sadness and disillusionment, and the way in which we respond to them will also have a clear emotional impact on us.
Can a broken heart be healed?
It is clear that the fact that our hearts are broken (or, rather, that we ourselves are broken) has a very important impact on our lives. will these feelings and ideas stay there forever? Is it irremediable that this discomfort becomes chronic in us?
The feeling of sadness and helplessness can become suffocating, but broken hearts can be healed. Healing a broken heart can take time and effort, but it is possible for one simple reason: just as emotional pain has been produced by a series of learned behaviors and thoughts, so can everything that makes us feel bad be unlearned.
To get to work with this recovery, rather than focusing on advice to heal a broken heart it is important to focus on ideas, vital principles that should accompany us in our daily lives . In the end, advice can only be given if the circumstances of each person are known and can be examined and discussed between the two parties.
The solution, then, is to embrace certain ideas and keys to life that make us reorganize the schemes with which we interpret our environment, ourselves and others. Here you can read 7 of these keys.
1. Opening up new possibilities
Feeling heartbroken is an anomaly that can lead you to experience novel and atypical situations that we would not have experienced otherwise. For example, if you feel lonely, this will lead you to take the initiative and meet other people who in the future may be very valuable to you.
If you feel so bad that you don’t want to do anything, forcing yourself to do the opposite of what your body tells you (to break the dynamic of sadness) can lead to the same result. In any case, you’ll be doing things you didn’t used to do, and in a new way. Opportunities can be extracted from negative feelings .
I recommend reading: “Guide to meeting new people: sites, skills and tips”
2. The broken heart as an engine of creativity
Often, even the most adverse situations can be exploited. The feelings triggered by the sensation of having a broken heart can be a source of new creations that, in addition, can help you make sense of the pain you feel at that moment.
You can try writing what you feel , using your imagination to translate textually everything you would like to say, or you can develop any project in which you think that emotional activation you feel can help you.
3. The powerful power of attention
Have you ever noticed that throughout history there have been great tragedies and irreparable losses, and yet they don’t make you feel terribly bad at every turn? That’s because, despite knowing many of these sad stories, you don’t pay attention to them in your daily life .
If you think that feeling heartbroken can’t help you in any way, it’s good to know that the pain is there because you feed it with your actions and your recurring thoughts : it doesn’t exist by itself. This is why a lot of the advice given in these cases invites you to keep busy with something, to force yourself to concentrate on new tasks.
4. Embracing Humanism
Fixing a broken heart means accepting the idea that we are the ones who decide what we can expect from others and from ourselves. There is no indispensable or extraordinary person beyond the value that we ourselves give him.
Similarly, there is no objective measure that determines our own value, nor who we can or deserve to be with. We can decide all this for ourselves on the experiences we have in the present. Embracing the humanistic spirit will help us understand that we are the ones who give meaning and value to things.
It is good to keep in mind that we cannot control everything that happens in our lives . Many good and bad things happen regardless of our intentions, and therefore we should not feel guilty about their existence.
The stoic idea that we should only care about what depends directly on what we do is very applicable in the case of a broken heart, which often involves someone else besides ourselves.
6. Feeling bad is not bad
There is nothing wrong with expressing our sadness to others .Crying is very helpful in relieving pain, and so is sharing our thoughts with others.
When we suffer from a broken heart, it is good to take advantage of all the help that is offered to us and not to throw it away so as not to be a burden or not to spread the discomfort. In the end, we would do the same for other people.
7. Denial doesn’t fix anything
Trying to block out memories of what we experienced with someone will only make us focus more on those memories and evoke them all the time. Similarly, denying that we feel bad when it is obvious that we don’t, will only make us feel a tension that we can’t get out of, and our way of behaving will become totally artificial.
To get rid of the pain of a broken heart you have to accept that those feelings are there , and that they will not go away in a matter of minutes.