All or most of us have felt anxious at some point in our lives. So we know that this state of discomfort, feeling uneasy, hyperactive and nervous is highly punitive and aversive, and is usually something we do not want to experience.

Now, coming out of a state of anxiety may not be as easy as it seems. In fact, it’s a complicated thing to do, especially if you’re having an anxiety attack. Let’s imagine now that it’s not us who are suffering from it, but someone else we care about. What can we do? How can we help a person with anxiety? Let’s talk about it throughout this article.

Anxiety: what is it?

In order to think about how to help a person with anxiety we must first know and understand the type of situation they are going through. That’s why a brief explanation of what anxiety is can be helpful.

We give the name of anxiety to a state of deep subjective discomfort of emotional origin characterized by the presence of strong negative affect together with a high level of physiological activity or activation, which in turn has an effect on behavior.

We are faced with a state that is usually defined as an apprehensive reaction that appears without the need for a threatening situation to exist at present, but which does tend to be linked to the anticipation of a future threat or an overflow or an inability to cope with environmental demands, although one is not always aware of its origin.

It is important to bear in mind that in anxiety there is an interaction between a subjective or cognitive-emotional component, which allows the perception of emotions and the state of discomfort, a biological or physiological component in which the emotional affection generates a series of physical symptoms (the most common being palpitations, tachycardias and the accelerations of the respiratory rhythm, although there may be others such as pain, dry mouth, sweating or trembling) and finally a behavioural component that includes the set of actions carried out in that state.

Anxiety attacks

The existence of a certain level of stress and anxiety is common in our society, but the truth is that anxiety can often rise to such an extent that it can overflow us, sometimes even surprisingly and without warning. This is the case with what happens to us when we have an anxiety crisis.

In these crises, a great discomfort suddenly appears and panic ensues along with palpitations and tachycardia, a sensation of suffocation and hyperventilation, abdominal or chest pain, dizziness , sweating, trembling, a feeling of having a heart attack, dying, going crazy or losing control of one’s body.

It is also common for a sense of strangeness and unreality to appear, known as depersonalization.

Therefore, when helping a person with anxiety who is going through a stage with frequent crises, it is important to know that one must intervene both during these crises and when they are not occurring, to prevent them .

Anxiety and related disorders

Anxiety is not an uncommon emotion or reaction. In fact, most people have experienced some degree of anxiety in their lives, and a large percentage of the world’s population has experienced or will experience a crisis of anxiety at some point in their lives.

This is not in itself pathological , but sometimes the persistence of anxiety or its repeated appearance, whether or not it is linked to some type of situation or stimulation, can become a highly disabling disorder. And in fact, the group of anxiety disorders is the most frequent type of alteration that exists, together with major depression.

There are many anxiety disorders, but probably the best known are panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.

In the first one, the subject suffers several episodes of anxiety crisis, which generates the appearance of anticipatory anxiety before the possible appearance of a new crisis, which generally leads him to change his way of life and even to avoid exposing himself to habitual situations in which he considers that he could experience them again .

In generalized anxiety disorder, symptoms such as restlessness, fatigue, irritability, tension, sleep problems and the inability to relax appear due to the existence of anxiety in the face of concerns about multiple aspects of life or even in the face of a non-specific and general ongoing concern .

In addition to these, other disorders such as phobias are also linked to anxiety, as well as other disorders such as obsessive disorders.

Depression, bipolar disorder or acute stress or post-traumatic stress disorders are also common. In fact, anxiety is usually common in multiple psychiatric and psychological problems .

How to help in case of an anxiety crisis

As you can imagine from its description, the anxiety or distress crisis is a very disabling phenomenon and tends to focus the attention of the sufferer on the symptoms themselves. It is also easy to confuse the symptoms with those of a heart problem, something that makes one live in great fear.

Helping a person in this situation is not easy when we are already immersed in it , although it is possible. How to do it?

The way to help would be to try to reduce the focus on the discomfort or reduce some of the more controllable physiological symptoms, such as breathing. It should also be remembered that anxiety attacks are usually relatively short, lasting only a few minutes , so they eventually disappear on their own.

Here are some small tips to keep in mind if we meet someone in the middle of an anxiety crisis. However, it is important to keep in mind that first of all we must rule out a real heart attack.

1. Don’t tell her to calm down

It is relatively common that when a person goes into a panic attack or an anxiety attack, others do not know how to react. In this sense, it is common for people to try to tell him/her to calm down.

This type of indication is totally counterproductive : if the person could calm down just by wanting to, he would do so immediately and would not be going through the crisis.

It can also add to the burden or tension that feeling recriminated for not being able to get out of the situation can feel. The reaction is probably not positive, since it promotes nervousness and a feeling of being overwhelmed and suffocated.

2. Give him space, but offer your help

The person who is suffering from an anxiety attack will usually feel safer if he feels that there is someone nearby who can help him and attend to him at that moment.

However, you need to have a certain amount of space, in the sense that it is not convenient to gather a large number of people around you since it makes it easier to get even more nervous (something that can happen, for example, if you hit us in the street).

3. Help her to focus on a fixed stimulus other than her feelings of suffocation or suffering

Anyone suffering from an anxiety attack is experiencing a series of very intense symptoms on which they usually focus their attention.

One way to help them would be to try to get them to focus on some kind of different stimulus. In this sense it can be helpful to try to get them to maintain eye contact with you, and help them to focus attention on aspects such as your own breathing in order to imitate it.

You can also try to distract them in other ways, such as by talking them into focusing on what we’re telling them rather than on the symptoms, although this may not work.

4. Tries to help you take deeper breaths

One of the strategies that may be useful to help a person in the middle of an anxiety crisis is that of helping him/her to control his/her breathing, since in such crises one of the main symptoms is the existence of hyperventilation .

In this sense, it can be useful to try to make the other person pay attention to you and to try to take a deep breath, both in inhalation and exhalation. If available, it may also help to use a paper bag so that you can concentrate on filling and emptying it.

  • You may be interested in: “8 breathing exercises to relax in a moment”

5. Don’t panic

Living through an anxiety crisis is not exactly pleasant and generates a great deal of suffering, to the point that the person may feel like he is dying or losing his mind. In that circumstance, having someone who reacts with panic and nervousness and not knowing what to do about what is happening can increase one’s anxiety.

That is why it is necessary to try to stay calm and act decisively , so that the way the other acts is a reassuring stimulus for the person having the attack.

6. Speak clearly and in a calm voice

Even though the person in the middle of an anxiety crisis may react with some hostility, the fact that you speak to them in a firm, calm and clear voice can help lower the level of activation , especially if they are processing and understand what we are saying.

7. Remind her that anxiety ends up happening

This point only applies if the person has had other anxiety attacks before. The idea is to try to remind them that although the sensations are very intense and aversive, these crises are not dangerous for their life and that little by little their symptoms will disappear .

Of course, we must always appreciate that it is really an anxiety crisis, since we could be facing another type of problem.

Helping people with anxiety (whether or not they have a disorder)

Supporting someone who is feeling a certain level of anxiety requires an appropriate approach to their situation. First of all, it is necessary to evaluate if there is a reason for this emotional reaction, in order to act little by little to reduce the level of tension. In this sense we can make some recommendations.

1. Encourage him to communicate his feelings

Very often feelings and emotions considered as negative, such as sadness or anxiety, tend to be hidden or little expressed. A good way to reduce the level of tension of someone who is anxious is to allow this emotion to be expressed in some way . In this sense it can be useful to talk to him or her about their situation.

2. Expressive and energy-releasing activities

Probably when we have been anxious one of the ways to reduce this discomfort has been to do something that allows us to let off steam. This can also help others to do so.

Among the different activities to be carried out, those that allow us to really unload our instincts stand out, such as doing exercises, practicing boxing, singing, shouting or dancing. It can also be useful to write or paint, if possible avoiding excessive rationalization but letting things emerge and flow naturally .

3. Help him to value his concerns

There are many aspects of our lives that can cause us anxiety. However, sometimes the focus on these aspects can be extremely maladaptive and prevent us from functioning as a norm. It can be useful to contribute to make him/her value his/her concerns, as well as the way he/she relates to them and how they affect him/her .

It is important not to do this from a critical point of view or by diminishing the importance of your thoughts (since in the end if they generate anxiety it is because you care), but in a reflective way and proposing if the concern or avoidance of situations is really an advantage or a disadvantage in your day to day.

4. Propose alternative interpretations

Another aspect that can be useful and is in fact used in therapy is to propose seeking alternative interpretations of our thoughts and concerns, as well as possible disturbing thoughts that are dysfunctional or especially limiting.

5. Use relaxation techniques

One of the most common techniques with regard to anxiety is that of relaxation, within which breathing and muscle relaxation techniques stand out.

This type of technique allows us to focus our attention on certain sensations, or to get used to going from states of tension to others of relaxation , in such a way that it decreases and prevents the possibility of suffering a crisis at the same time as it reduces nervous activity and calms the body and mind.

In this sense, it is possible to indicate the possibility of carrying out some variant of this type of techniques, even in a group.

6. Mindfulness: Full attention

Although mindfulness seems to be the umpteenth fashion in terms of meditation practices of Eastern origin, the truth is that this technique has been shown to have very beneficial effects in the treatment of anxiety.

Often misnamed relaxation technique, what is intended with this type of methodology is to focus on the here and now , as well as to observe our thoughts and sensations and allow them to flow without judgment. It is very useful to help a person with anxiety, and it does not require much time to learn its fundamentals.

7. Recommends professional help

In the case of an anxiety disorder, these recommendations may fall somewhat short and it is usually advisable to seek professional help. In this sense, it may be a good idea to try to help find a psychologist or recommend doing so , given that many people may not dare to take the step.

Bibliographic references:

  • O’Connell, M.E., Boat, T., Warner, K.E., eds. (2009). Tabla E-4 Factores de riesgo para la ansiedad. Prevención de trastornos mentales, abuso de sustancias y conductas problemáticas: Una perspectiva de desarrollo. National Academies Press. pág. 530.
  • Rynn, M.A., Brawman-Mintzer, O. (2004). Trastorno de ansiedad generalizada: tratamiento agudo y crónico. CNS Spectrums. 9 (10): 716 – 723.