The human being is a social and gregarious being who throughout history has built links with his fellow men in order to survive. The need to contact others and to relate to each other is not something innate to us.
But these interactions are not always the same: sometimes we may feel more similar, identified or compatible with a group or person than with others.
Sometimes we meet someone with whom we feel deeply connected, whose presence attracts us and generates well-being, emotion and joy. And although it can sometimes be difficult for us to see, there are a number of elements that can give us clues as to whether or not such chemistry exists. How do you notice the chemistry between two people? Let’s see.
Chemistry in relationships
Before starting to evaluate different signs that may indicate the existence of chemistry or mutual attraction, it may be useful to make a brief mention of the meaning of the concept we are referring to.
The consideration of the existence of chemistry between two people is carried out between both of them and a series of behavioural and physical/physiological manifestations can be observed that show the existence of a deep affinity between both .
These manifestations, visible in the way they interact, are produced in an unconscious or semi-conscious way. That is to say, they are not the product of voluntary manipulation by any of the parties involved. Moreover, for there to be chemistry between two it must be bidirectional : the opposite would be mere attraction of one to the other.
The origin of this mutual affinity has been discussed since antiquity, but among the various explanations that have been offered we can find both biological and environmental factors.
For example, some authors propose that chemistry is the product of an identification with the other derived from the observation of personality and behavior patterns which coincide with or resemble what we have learned throughout life that generates well-being and happiness.
This coincidence predisposes us positively towards the other person , something that in turn can make it easier for the other person to do the same. To this we must add the existence of attraction on an emotional and/or physical level. This feeling of proximity and interest involves various neurotransmitters and brain nuclei, highlighting the role of dopamine, phenylethylamine or noradrenaline. The influence of pheromones in this process has also been proposed.
It should be noted that although it is a concept that is generally used mainly when talking about relationships or affective-sexual attraction , the idea of the existence of chemistry between people is not limited to this area. In fact, we can talk about the existence of chemistry with friends, family or even in the workplace.
Signs of this compatibility between people
Next we will see a series of aspects to consider that can serve as indications of the existence of attraction and chemistry between two people, or on the part of one of them towards the other. We must take into account that we are talking about signs, not a clear and univocal signal of attraction.
Likewise, such attraction need not be solely or may not even include physical or sexual attraction.
Finally, the signs we are going to refer to are behaviours or physical changes that can be observed independently of the sex of these people; are valid for both men and women .
1. Looking at the other
When there is chemistry between two people, one of the clearest signs of interest can be seen in the eyes of both.
Specifically, in the time spent looking at each other. Generally, when you feel attracted to another person, you tend to look (not necessarily in the eyes) for a large proportion of time at that person, compared to the attention paid to the rest .
This is relatively easy to observe, especially in group situations.
2. Pupil dilation
The attraction generates that in an unconscious way our pupils dilate in such a way that as much light as possible enters the interior of the eye, so that we can observe the other in more detail.
3. Searching for the other
A sign of the existence of chemistry between two people is the fact that they tend to look for each other, that is, even on an unconscious level they seek contact or encounter with the other person. This is more revealing if there are frequent encounters between two people who live in very different places.
4. Smile and laugh
Another sign can be found in the fact that two people who are attracted to each other will tend to smile at each other constantly in a natural way, as a reflection of the feelings of well-being implied by the presence of the other person .
It is also common that if there is interest between two people the sense of humor is higher and that there is a tendency to laugh easily at any positive or humorous comment.
5. Searching for shared interests
Among the behavioral signs that reveal the existence of interest and chemistry between two people is the presence and/or pursuit of multiple shared interests. In this sense, there is a mutual interest in knowing the opinion and tastes of the other, even without a specific purpose. Moreover, if common elements are found they can be used to foster interaction .
6. Prolonged conversations
When there is chemistry between two people it is common that the conversation held with the other person can go on indefinitely, and there may even be a feeling of losing track of time .
At this point, however, one must bear in mind that shy people may be afraid to prolong the conversation and be rather shy, without this leading to a lack of interest (in fact, it may be more difficult for them precisely because of this).
However, it is possible that it is the topic of conversation and not the person himself that arouses interest, so this fact should be taken into account and not jump to hasty conclusions.
7. Physical distance
Another factor that may indicate the presence of attraction or chemistry between two people is the distance that separates them.
It is common that two people attracted to each other tend to get closer and reduce the distance between them. In fact, in many cases both people can enter into the personal space (the distance that we usually keep with others and that if someone goes through it can be uncomfortable) of the other without it being invasive for them.
8. Direct physical contact
We live in a society where physical contact is not as frequent as it might seem. Generally, except for greeting each other, we do not usually touch each other unless they are very close to us. However, when there is attraction or chemistry , it is common that there may be spontaneous physical contact , such as touching or rubbing the arm, face, back or hands.
9. Orientation of the feet
Another indication of attraction between two people is found in the orientation of their feet. It is common for us to unconsciously point one or both feet in the direction of the person we are interested in.
10. Body orientation
It is also common for us to tend to orient our bodies so that both people are facing each other, with the shoulders and torso aligned with the other person. This does not imply a mutual chemistry per se as it can happen due to numerous factors, but if both people seek to be face to face it could be a sign .
When there is chemistry between two people, they usually imitate, on an unconscious level, each other’s behaviour. We copy or acquire habits or actions, but also of aspects such as modulating the tone of voice to adjust it to the other person’s, gestures, ways of speaking and even of moving (for example we imitate the rhythm at which the other person walks).
12. Complicity and trust
Another aspect that speaks to us of the existence of chemistry between two people is the existence of complicity and ease of trusting the other. It is frequent that before a person with whom we have chemistry we tend unconsciously to be able to trust him/her more than the rest. In the same way, it is easier for us to feel understood by the other .
Deeply related to the previous point, it is common that when there is mutual interest and chemistry there is greater ease in trying to understand the thoughts, opinions and emotions of the other, as well as being relatively easier to put oneself in their place and imagine what may be going on in their mind.
This fact is relevant when comparing the one who exists with that person with the one you normally have with most people.
14. Disposition towards the other
Finally, it is common that between two people who are attracted to each other, the disposition towards each other also increases greatly. We are more neat and generous and we dedicate more time and effort to spending time and/or performing acts that please or help the person we are interested in.
- Buss, D. M., & Shmitt, D. P. (1993). Sexual strategies theory: A contextual evolutionary analysis of human mating. Psychological Review: 100, 204-232.
- Carreño, M. (1991). Psychosocial aspects of love relationships. Santiago de Compostela: University of Santiago de Compostela.