Grieving processes, such as those that arise from the loss of a loved one, almost always involve significant discomfort for the person presenting it. That is why, when it is our boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband who suffers it, a typical question arises: how do I help my partner to overcome a grief?

In this article you will find a list of tips that can be very useful to give you the necessary support.

What is grief?

The couple represents a source of support, which can often be decisive in helping to overcome grief.

This is not an easy situation, and it should be given the importance it deserves, but first we must understand what a grieving process is, so that we can better understand what our partner is going through and thus provide help in a more efficient way.

Grief is a process by which a person experiences the loss of a person or element significant for his or her life , either by death or because he or she is no longer accessible (for example, if he or she becomes very distant). It could also be caused by the fact of not being able to continue with some activity that the person liked; a university career, for example.

Once the subject has suffered the loss, there is a crisis of emotions related to the fact of not being able to live as when access to that person, object or activity was something that was taken for granted .

Stages of grief

The typical psychological states one goes through when experiencing grief have been described as follows. It is important to bear in mind that grief does not always begin at the first stage; depending on the personality characteristics of each subject, the process may begin at a more advanced stage and last less time.

1. The denial stage

This stage of the grieving process involves the person’s rejection of the loss. It is a situation so adverse to the subject that he refuses to accept it as a real fact .

Phrases like “this can’t be happening”, “this can’t be real”, among others, are typical during this stage.

2. The anger stage

In this phase the subject begins to realize that he can’t do anything to change reality , and it is precisely this that makes him frustrated and angry and irritated.

This is an anger that has no clear focus; the person knows he can’t do anything to change what has happened, and usually can’t find a way to drain his hostile feelings.

3. Negotiation stage

During this stage, people start to question themselves in retrospect, as if they could see in their imagination what would have happened if things had happened differently .

For example, they begin to imagine that they could have done something to change the fact of the loss they suffered, and they begin to question themselves.

4. The Depression Stage

At this point the subject begins to exhibit depressive symptoms that have nothing to do with clinical depression, but are a normal response to loss.

The subject becomes depressed because somehow he understands that he must go on with his life, in spite of the loss, and this idea generates sadness and anguish in him.

5. Acceptance

Calm finally comes. In this last stage of the grieving process the person has adequately drained all the emotions that were generated by having gone through the loss, and begins to reorganize his life again .

How can I help my partner get through the grief?

Empathy is indispensable when we want to help our partner get through his or her grieving process. Having the ability to put ourselves in their shoes during the hard times makes us sensitive to their situation and helps us to provide them with everything they need to get through it.

That said, these are the main tips to help your partner get through the grief.

1. Be present

The mere fact of being present during your partner’s grief represents an emotional support for him or her .

You don’t have to try to say something comforting every time. Just stay close and be supportive in an open way.

2. Active listening

While you are accompanying your partner, be sure to let him/her know that he/she can openly express all his/her feelings .

Listening to your feelings and emotions is important so that you can drain away any discomfort you may be feeling.

3. Avoiding your partner’s appearance

Contrary to what some people think, compassion does not provide any kind of help to the person; on the contrary, it works as a reinforcement of negative feelings. Therefore, if we want to help you overcome these feelings, it is best to avoid this at all costs.

4. Don’t let him get careless

This point refers to the personal care we should give our partner. In a mourning situation it is common for people to tend to neglect basic aspects of their life , such as food or personal hygiene.

If you notice that your partner is neglecting any of these aspects, or others regarding basic needs, then offer support in this aspect.

Bibliographic references:

  • Archer, J. (1999). The nature of grief: The evolution and psychology of reactions to loss. London, England: Routledge.
  • Bayés, R. (2001). Psychology of suffering and death. Barcelona: Martínez Roca.