Unfortunately, many children today feel rejected . They feel this way when they perceive that they are different, whether on a physical, verbal, behavioural, sentimental or intellectual level; to their peers, friends, class children or sometimes to relatives.
All those children who are somewhat “different” or stand out in some way from their peers or friends are the ones who tend to suffer from being pushed aside or pushed aside. For example, the typical “chubby”, the “nerdy”, the “squealer”, the “snitch”… All of them are the most likely to be rejected. But it is not a requirement either, many children are rejected without having any of the characteristics mentioned above.
In this regard, the important question is… what should parents or relatives do when they begin to sense this situation or if the child himself tells them? How or in what way can we help a child who feels rejected? Let’s look at some practical advice.
Helping Children Who Feel Rejected
From our professional experience, in Psicólogos Málaga PsicoAbreu we recommend these guidelines on how to help your child:
1. Strengthening communication
The first thing we must do is talk to the child, listen to him/her and understand how he/she feels . It is important not to treat him/her as a victim or to imply that it is an unfixable situation. For example, if he has not been invited to a trip or a party, it is essential to tell him that it would have been fun to go, but that there will surely be other parties or outings. It is important that you understand and express your feelings in case this happens to you again.
2. Encourage him not to go after anyone
On the other hand, it is important to explain to the children (always adapting to the age), that if there is any partner, any friend or group that has left it aside, do not try to be their friend. Do not force the situation , if that group of children do not accept you, surely there will be others who have the same tastes and are more comfortable with them.
3. Help you understand rejection
It is also important to know the reason for the rejection . Sometimes there are children who behave negatively or aggressively, and that is why they stay away from it. For example, if they get angry when losing in a game, if they don’t do what the child wants, if they answer wrongly, etc. Therefore, it is important to find out and make the child aware of what is going on, to give him/her the necessary skills to solve it.
4. Working and improving social skills
Sometimes children feel rejected because they don’t know how to relate to their peers , or they don’t understand non-verbal language well. They feel embarrassed when starting a conversation, or they simply don’t know.
Therefore, it is important to teach them some basic notions of how to relate to others, or how to respond to complicated situations (conflict resolution), work and explain empathy, assertiveness, self-control, etc.
5. Strengthening self-esteem
Another aspect that would be essential to improve is to reinforce self-esteem; when a child feels this rejection, his self-esteem automatically decreases. He begins to feel inferior and to compare himself to others . That is why it is important that the child feels that he or she is worthwhile, that the subject of rejection is taken away from him or her and that he or she can see that he or she is not alone, that he or she has his or her family and that he or she can make other friends.
It is important to understand that being rejected is not something that comes up in him, but simply happens because others are not like the child; perhaps they have other tastes than his and probably the thing to do is to try to find other children who like the same ones as him.
6. Asking for help at school
If necessary, we should talk to the professor. Sometimes we don’t know what is happening in the classrooms, our children can tell us their version, but not know the reality .
If after carrying out the previous advice we still have the suspicion that the child still has rejection problems, it would be convenient to talk to his guardian and have him tell us what is really happening, so that he can help us at school level, or even talk to other parents, if it is convenient, to give a solution to the problem.
7. Seek professional help in psychotherapy
And finally, another resource that would be of great help if we see that our child is having a hard time would be to ask a professional for help to give him the necessary tools and skills in case he finds himself in a similar situation again .
Many children suffer rejection, and if this is prolonged, it can turn into bullying. Therefore, it is important to detect it and find a solution to the problem.
Many times parents don’t have the necessary tools or don’t know how to help the little one, because they are not objective with their children. Therefore, it is essential that they apply the above advice, and also ask for help for both the child and themselves. In the case of the child to provide him/her with communication and resolution skills; and in the case of the parents to receive more specific guidelines on how to help the child.