How can I not flirt? What are the most frequent mistakes when we try to seduce another person? Necessity, fear and lack of experience lead us to make mistakes that can make our dates or our first encounters with girls not entirely fruitful or even total failures.
These errors lead us to “flirt badly”: we don’t connect with the other person .
How not to flirt: 11 things not to do when it comes to seduction
Taking into account certain factors and trying to avoid them will minimize our chances of failure. Limiting our mistakes and being aware that certain attitudes are not valid will increase our chances of success and, consequently, will encourage us to have positive experiences that will motivate us to continue learning.
Below are eleven errors that are usually synonymous with failure or that greatly limit our chances of success. How not to flirt?
1. Wanting to impress
Being too intent on impressing the girl in front of us can backfire. It is advisable to relax and try to enjoy ourselves without the need to fall into the false spontaneity of doing or saying impressive things so that she feels attracted to us.
Unless the context is right and certain behaviors are encouraged, we should act naturally and be calm and relaxed . Only within this framework will we be able to make an impression without having the constant need to prove anything to anyone.
2. Need to be admired
This point is closely linked to the first. Wanting to impress is a problem, but if we then wait for her reaction and her approval or impression, we will be conveying an image of need and lack of confidence in what we do. In our head, we always have to keep in mind that the only person we have to impress is ourselves. We don’t need anyone’s approval, especially not if it is excessive or required. We are not a small child showing a picture to our mother.
Besides, she doesn’t have to be interested in what we do or don’t do. Let’s do things because they really make us feel good and not to receive a positive feedback that gives away in others that we are semi-gods. Let’s not fall into self-centeredness.
3. Being funny and not knowing when to get serious
One of the phrases that has done most damage to social relationships and seduction in particular is “girls like to be made to laugh”. We all like to be made to laugh! Let us not become jokers who try to make them laugh at all costs.
There are times when we have to get serious and show that we are mature people who know how to behave in all kinds of contexts. The sense of humour must be reserved for the necessary moments. There is nothing less attractive than provoking the shame of others by an excess of “clowning”.
4.Be aware of taste and look for indicators of interest
Obsessively looking for gestures or attitudes that give away their interest in us will make us focus our perception too much and forget other important details for communication such as active listening. In addition, being obsessed with seeking immediate results will undermine our self-esteem and make us uncomfortable.
This will cause us to invest too much effort in adopting behaviors or attitudes in the hope that they will be rewarded and will project us as insecure or in need of approval. It is more beneficial to forget about us and focus on making them feel understood and liked by us .
5.Be careful not to make mistakes
We have to take into account that, many times, the art of communicating falls into forgetting oneself and focusing on the qualities of the other in order to communicate and qualify them properly. Constantly judging ourselves by what we do and by how our actions will be received by the other person will make our communication difficult and plunge us into a state of counterproductive stress and anxiety so that the interaction flows harmoniously.
There are no absolute truths or totally wrong actions. Making a mistake will humanize us and make us perceived as close and confident people who know how to relativize errors.
6.Hiding your faults
Before we assume that any of our attributes can be called defect , let’s think about whether or not it is. We often think that we have defects that we don’t really have or can’t always be considered defects, because context plays a very important role in communication. If after having analyzed them we still think that they are defects, we should think if they are defects that can be remedied or if they should be remedied.
It is true that certain physical disabilities or defects cannot be remedied or cannot be completely cured. But there are many that can. For example, going on a diet is an effective way to combat that belly that makes us feel flabby. Another example: if we have a serious acne problem, we can go to a specialist to get rid of those undesirable pimples that do not appear on the face. Whether our problem is solved or not, we cannot allow this to affect our self-esteem and, therefore, our communication.
Treating our defects naturally and even joking about them will project us as confident people who are not afraid to show their weaknesses. Joking about our defects is the fundamental key to overcome shyness and to avoid others to detect in us unattractive insecurities.
7.Fear of the opposite
Changing your mind for fear of not liking it is a mistake we often make. Being accepted and not feeling socially rejected leads us to never want to be contrary.Working on assertiveness will be very useful when it comes to communicating. Let’s keep in mind that our opinions and attitudes are valuable sources of information for our interlocutor. Always falling into the error of not wanting to offend or contradict and, therefore, adopting servile attitudes will make us lose our attraction and look like people without an opinion or objectives: this is the abc of how not to flirt.
Our attitude also has to be evasive in relation to the other person; we must establish a framework in which two people value each other but do not judge each other.
8.Idealize the other person
The romantic love is one of the great evils of the 21st century. We live intoxicated by movies and stories where we are shown a sweetened love and that makes us learn the social relations and contexts of seduction, as if we lived in Romeo and Juliet . We do not live in a romantic novel. She has defects just like everyone else.
If we believe that the person in front of us is perfect and has no defects, we will fall into mistakes that we have already pointed out before, such as wanting to hide our defects, the need for approval… Knowing how to observe and qualify the errors and virtues of others will be a very important key to avoid feeling that the girl in front of us is the goddess Venus made person.
9.Having unrealistic expectations
We have the social and communication skills we have. Being aware of this will help us not to fantasize excessively about what might happen. We have to be patient. As we get to know people and develop our skills we will feel more able to achieve what we want .
It is a mistake to think that if a girl has smiled at us it is because she is tremendously in love with us and wants to make love to us on a glass bed, by the sea, while the moon lights up our naked bodies. If, on the other hand, a girl smiles at us and we think that she has done so because we have amused her or because perhaps she is interested in us a little, it will be more beneficial for our self-esteem and we will avoid major failures that will make us fall into frustration and a consequent lack of motivation .
10.Do not sexualize
We have been talking for more than three hours, everything is going great, we like the girl, we feel that she likes us, but there is a moment when she gets bored and things don’t move forward. Maybe it’s time to give a little push to the interaction with some phrases that let us understand our sexual interest .
There are times when we become obsessed with the fact that things must arise spontaneously and we forget that things can be born spontaneously in us but that, if we do not verbalize or express them, they will remain in us without anyone having any idea that they have arisen. Let’s communicate our interest properly and not be afraid to show our sexual interest. Sex is good!
11.Sexualize too much
Insinuating yourself excessively and not stopping making comments that indicate our sexual interest can make the other person uncomfortable and we may be giving the message that we only have an interest in one thing. We can fall into the mistake of appearing to be extremely needy or insecure people who are afraid that their interlocutor has not understood the message we have given them and, therefore, we repeat it ad nauseam: this is one of the keys to not flirting.
Let’s dose our sexual interest and show it gradually and adequately so that we can move forward without the other person feeling forced or bothered by so many spicy comments that often end up being in bad taste. In this case, let’s look again at the context in which we are in order to adjust the intensity and degree of insinuation.
By way of conclusion…
Let’s not get obsessed with liking. Let us know how to be in all contexts of life. Let’s like ourselves more so that others will like us. Let us be mature people who face the obstacles of life in a mature and assertive way. Let’s not become puppets at the mercy of a little charity in the form of sex. Let’s be happy with who we are!