Some people have difficulty asserting themselves when talking to others, or to specific individuals or groups. This can be a major drawback, because the image of insecurity they convey means that what they say is not taken into account, or even, by extension, they are not taken into account.

In this article we’ll look at various tips on how to assert yourself when speaking both in terms of the content of what you say and the way you say it, including non-verbal language.

How to assert yourself in conversations and relationships

Interpersonal relationships and the conversations that take place in them are always somewhat complex.

On the one hand, making oneself understood and correctly interpreting what the other says is already complicated, but to this we must add that through dialogue we must also resolve clashes of interests, opinions and beliefs. Although the ability to use language has given us the possibility of connecting better with others, it has also made us use words to make ourselves worthwhile , to submit or be submitted and, if we do not realize it, to enter into dynamics that wear down our self-esteem.

As a result, there are people who have entered into a dynamic in which they cannot express their ideas without feeling vulnerable, insecure. These are individuals who need to learn (and get used to) how to speak confidently, defending their point of view.

It is necessary to break this habit, which consists of a set of habits related to the way of speaking and communicating in general, in order to gain confidence in personal relationships . Therefore, to assert yourself, it is advisable to follow the following key ideas.

1. Identify what you fail at most

There are different ways to speak with insecurity. So the first thing is to see where we need to make the most noticeable changes in the way we talk and behave in conversation.

A good way to start is to become familiar with the concept of passive communication, which is most typical for people who need to learn to speak confidently. This communicative style is characterised by the avoidance of direct confrontation , the expression of one’s needs and feelings, and the maintenance of a low profile.

2. Be sure to maintain eye contact

It is very important that most of the time there is eye contact, because if not, whoever is avoiding it will offer an image of insecurity, in addition to making communication difficult. To solve this, the easiest thing is not to become obsessed with looking precisely at the other person’s pupils, and to limit oneself to not looking away from the other person’s face. In this way, without realizing it and in a spontaneous way, the glances will meet and contact will be maintained without you having to worry too much about it .

3. Do not maintain a contracted posture

Avoid postures and positions that keep your arms and legs too close to your vertical axis. Try to relax your muscles and make your arms move freely, keeping your forearms off your chest most of the time (instead of keeping your arms crossed or having your hands close to your chest).

4. Get used to talking loudly

It is important that the volume of your voice is right. There are insecure people who, to avoid making a fool of themselves, try to make what they say not very noticeable , but this is something to avoid, as it puts those who are used to talking like this in a submissive role.

So it’s best to practice in front of a mirror and improvise so that, little by little, that volume of voice becomes more familiar and is the one used spontaneously, by default. It is important to do this with a certain regularity, so as not to miss out on some of the progress made in previous sessions.

5. Avoid memorizing literally whole sentences

Some people try to compensate for their insecurity when speaking by carefully planning what they are going to say in a conversation. This is something that can generate more problems than it solves , because it demands a greater concentration than it would cost to speak simply in a spontaneous way, since in them it is necessary to be constantly remembering what has to be said according to the script made previously.

Therefore, the ideal is to plan ahead, very briefly and only for important conversations, ideas that can be dealt with in a conversation, but without memorizing phrases.

6. Work on your self-esteem

Part of the problem of speaking with insecurity has to do with something that is beyond communication and dialogue proper: it is about self-esteem. Working on it so that it doesn’t deflate is important, because part of the problem often has to do with lack of confidence in oneself and in what one can offer in a conversation. With a few months of practice, if necessary attending a psychologist’s consultation, asserting oneself will be much easier.

7. Reflect and learn

This is another way to gain confidence in speaking: having topics of conversation. To do this, it is important not only to be original when it comes to making the dialogues turn towards interesting topics, but also to have certain knowledge to transmit , even if they are only personal reflections or interesting opinions that do not have to be based on the memorization of concrete data.
When a person feels that by the simple fact of having some knowledge of something it can be very easy to make a dialogue interesting, this gives him a lot of security.

8. Work on your assertiveness

Expressing ideas or opinions that do not fit with those of others is not bad; it is natural. Therefore, it is necessary to work on assertiveness, which has to do with our capacity to express ourselves defending our point of view while respecting others .