Emotional control (or emotional regulation) is essential when relating to other people, and is a skill that is part of emotional intelligence.

Therefore, the control of emotions is included in emotional management, and in order to regulate them it is necessary to understand them, make them conscious . It is impossible to control emotions if we do not master the skill of emotional self-knowledge.

Emotional intelligence: a paradigm of current psychology

Emotions are part of us, and although they are necessary and adaptive, they can cause us suffering . Suffering is often caused by the negative assessment we make of them, because trying to fight them is not a good decision. It is much healthier to understand them, to know them, to know that they are there, but to accept them as part of our existence and our experience, knowing that many times they are not what we would like them to be.

Emotional intelligence has become one of the most important paradigms of modern psychology, because after all, we are emotional beings. Although we may think that we make our decisions through reason, studies indicate that a large part of our decisions are emotional.

Improving Emotional Control

Most of the success and rise of emotional intelligence (EI) is determined by its benefits . Because EI is used in different areas: sport, education and business, because it positively affects performance, decision-making and the achievement of results. But in the clinical and psychotherapeutic fields it is also essential, because it helps us to relate to others and to improve our psychological well-being and our quality of life.

If you want to know how to improve your emotional control, below you can find 11 strategies really useful to increase the knowledge of this very important skill.

1. Understand your emotions

Take some time to reflect on what you feel and why you react in a certain way in some situations. You may be worried about how you behaved at work this week, shouting at a colleague, and now you regret it. Maybe the problem wasn’t so bad, but it just got out of hand because you didn’t stop to think about the real problem. Maybe the real problem is that you feel stressed out at work because you don’t manage your time well.

One strategy for understanding your emotions is to keep an emotional journal. To use it, you only need to sit in front of it, 10 or 20 minutes before going to bed. You can review the day and write down how you felt, why you felt that way, and what you could have done to improve it. Maybe the next time you find yourself in this situation you will have learned not to behave this way.

2. Practice active listening

It may also be that you are simply angry that you have not listened properly, in other words, you have simply heard. Many people have the habit of paying little attention to others, and while they are talking, they are already thinking about what they want to say.

Active listening is important to relate to other people, because allows us to pay attention not only to what other people say with their words , but also to what they express with their body language. In fact, scientific studies state that verbal language represents only 30% of what we communicate. The rest is non-verbal language.

3. Exercise

Physical exercise is a good way to relieve stress and release tension that can lead to frustrating and tense situations. Something that is not at all positive for emotional control. In addition, physical exercise helps us release neurochemicals related to positive moods, such as endorphins or serotonin. Therefore, its practice also has a positive effect on our self-esteem.

4. Don’t take criticism badly

Learn to deal with criticism because it can make you lose your temper and give vent to your anger . Being too aware of what others are saying about you is a symptom of not having enough self-confidence and not finding the inner peace needed to control your emotions. So take the edge off when you get criticism, at least if you want to be an emotionally balanced person.

5. Work on self-acceptance

One of the big problems with not accepting yourself as you are , is that you adopt a defensive mentality, not at all beneficial for emotional control. We can all make mistakes because it is part of life, so you must love yourself as you are. This way you will feel less frustrated and have more patience in dealing with the conflicts that can arise in your daily interpersonal relationships.

6. Adopt an optimistic attitude

In addition to working on your self-acceptance, you should have a positive attitude towards life, which will make you more resilient and less likely to have interpersonal conflicts. Both for self-acceptance and for a positive and optimistic attitude towards life, it is necessary to be willing , that is, to do your part to make this happen.

7. Think good and not bad

The discomfort that makes us feel some emotions is what makes us want to avoid them. However, to solve problems we must face them, because it is useless to look the other way. If you have worked on emotional self-knowledge and self-acceptance, you must let these negative emotions go. Now it is your turn to focus on the positive ones, and your level of tension will be greatly reduced .

8. Leave at the right time

It is good to have a positive attitude towards conflict and think about the good, although sometimes the stimulus may still be present no matter how hard we try to avoid it, because this does not always depend on us. For example, if we are provoked into fighting. In these cases, the best thing to do is to turn around and leave .

9. Do not react suddenly

You may have detected that the conflict is on the surface and there is a force within you that drives you to step forward without caring about the consequences of that moment (although you may regret it later). Be patient, take a deep breath and don’t react suddenly . If necessary, leave the room, take a breath and come back as if with a clear and renewed mind.

10. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is an ancient practice that is very popular today because of its benefits: improves concentration, reduces stress, improves self-awareness, etc. This method helps you to be in the present moment, with a non-judgmental mentality and an attitude of compassion towards yourself and others. Without a doubt, a very important tool for controlling emotions.

Attend EQ courses

If you are interested in taking an Emotional Intelligence workshop, Mensalus Institute offers the possibility of training courses that will help you develop the competencies and skills to become an emotionally intelligent person . This centre for psychotherapy and training in psychology offers these workshops both in person and at a distance, so that you can do them from anywhere in the world, in the comfort of your own home (or wherever you wish).

Specifically, the “Online Emotional Intelligence Training Course” allows you to learn and put into practice key strategies for managing thoughts and emotions. This option makes it easier to live an experience similar to classroom training but with the advantages offered by distance learning. You will have a tutor who will follow up on the practical tasks that you must carry out and the different webinars that you can take part in.
This training action starts on February 5, 2018, costs 380 ? and lasts 10 weeks (the material will be available in the virtual campus until 8 weeks after the end of the course).
For more information, you can contact Instituto Mensalus through this link.