Emotional intelligence is one of those forgotten concepts that are missing when we review how we are raising our children. This concept, developed by psychologists like Daniel Goleman, sees the emotional and introspective side as an area of special interest when it comes to children growing up with good psychological and relational health.

However, in few families and educational institutions enough effort is devoted to educate the emotions of the children . Whether due to a lack of time, scarce resources or a stagnant educational scheme in the past, emotions have been undervalued and our children grow up without certain educational guidelines to help them improve their self-control, self-esteem, assertiveness or the way they relate to and communicate with other people.

How to educate emotions? Several psychological keys

Over the past few decades, more and more parents and schools have realized the vital importance of children’s emotional state in their academic performance and happiness.

Therefore, what psychological and educational keys can we use to improve the emotional state of children? We review them below.

1. Value the process and not so much the result

Sometimes, we adults are too focused on our children’s performance: what grades they get on their exams, what their IQ level is, how they compare with other classmates… This attitude makes them dependent on the praise they get, and gives them a totally wrong message: the value of the activity they do depends on whether they are able to solve it correctly .

In the case of advantaged children who are good at solving problems (who are not necessarily the smartest or the most promising), they are positively reinforced by their achievement, but the process they have gone through to achieve that result is rarely valued. In this way, they are also taught that the enjoyment of activity is totally secondary, since the important thing is that they have known how to solve the problem. As we can see, this is not a good strategy.

In addition, children with divergent thinking and/or those who have more difficulty solving problems are also taught that they are not capable of success, which can result in the Pygmalion Effect. Nor are they taught the importance of enjoying the thinking process and the task, since the only important thing is to achieve an objectively correct result.

To avoid this resultant scheme, it is advisable to emphasize the thinking process, the motivation of the student to fit the pieces of the puzzle, and to give him/her the necessary attention and feedback (not excessive) so that he/she can discover the path that will lead to the correct result.

2. Playing games of emotional introspection

Something as simple as playing guessing games and defining other people’s emotions can help children recognize, identify, and reflect on anger, rage, guilt, shame, joy…

There are different activities and games that pursue this purpose in one way or another . As parents (or teachers), we can use these games as a basis to ask the children when they have felt such emotions, how exactly they felt, what caused them, how they got back to normal, etc.

3. Relaxation

Relaxation allows children to disconnect momentarily from the endless number of stimuli they receive and reconnect with their breathing, their body, their muscles, their heartbeat… It is a technique that, when well used, brings them great cognitive, emotional and behavioural benefits .

In fact, many schools are already implementing some relaxation sessions. These sessions have great benefits, as reported in this study from the University of Valladolid led by Beatriz Peón.

What are the benefits of emotional education?

Emotional learning has a number of benefits for our children and students. It gives them certain psychological tools to build a much more positive vision of their lives, of themselves and of their environment. It also helps them to manage their fears and conflicts.

Children who develop good emotional intelligence are capable of:

  • To increase their resilience, that is, to recover before the obstacles and bad feelings they feel at a certain time.

  • Have an optimistic but moderate view of its possibilities.

  • Be more proactive, getting more involved in their work and developing new interests.

  • Expressing their emotions in such a way that they are better able to face relational and personal challenges.

  • Fostering good self-esteem and self-confidence

  • Be more cooperative and better manage the conflicts and demands of the group.