How to forget an impossible love, in 5 steps
Experiencing impossible love is one of the most frustrating and painful sensations a human being can go through. If requited love can make you tremendously happy, impossible love can turn your life into a real ordeal, especially if you meet that person often, either at work or at the gym.
The pain of an impossible love can be so strong that it can lead you to a depressive state if you don’t change a series of habits that are detrimental to your emotional balance. In this article you can find some tips to overcome impossible love and get out of this harmful situation.
The chemistry of falling in love
Falling in love is a complex phenomenon in which both biological and cultural variables are present . When we feel attracted to someone, our brain changes and a series of chemical reactions take place inside them, especially in the area of reinforcement, which causes us to change our perception of the world. The chemistry of love or falling in love alienates us, hijacks our attention, makes us obsessive and can even depress us if we cannot consummate this strong feeling or impulse, turning our life into a real hell.
Consummate love makes us feel good because it causes our brain to release dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin among other neurotransmitters and hormones, so we feel excited, full of energy and our perception of life is magnificent when we are with our partner.
But when it is not possible to have that person with whom we want to be with so much, the chemical cascade descends and causes serious problems for our emotional stability. For example, serotonin levels decline, which is associated with depressive and obsessive behavior, just as they do when we stop using a drug we are addicted to.
- To know more: “The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug.”
The Romeo and Juliet Effect
It would be perfect if we fall in love and simply give free rein to our heart , because consummate love makes us live unforgettable moments. Unfortunately, relationships are not always that simple and, in some cases, conflicts can cause us to end the loving commitment we had with what we considered to be the most important person in our lives.
At other times, love is simply impossible because the other party has a partner or is going to live on the other side of the world, which makes this love unworkable and unrealizable. The truth is that, regardless of the reason, impossible love can hurt us if we do not adopt a series of strategies that allow us to face this situation in the best possible way.
Experts say that when we feel the feeling of falling in love and cannot be with that person, what is called the “Romeo and Juliet effect” occurs, and far from fading away, the feelings of desire, urge, and need to be with the loved one increase. This is also known as “frustration attraction”, and this is why secret loves are so successful. It seems that the Romeo and Juliet Effect causes the secrecy of a relationship to act as an aphrodisiac .
Tips to overcome an impossible love
Because disaffection is not a linear process, but there are ups and downs. You can feel better for a week, but when you see that person or have contact with him or her again, you fall apart again. Impossible love can be a painful situation and can therefore negatively affect your well-being and mental health.
You’re probably wondering: “What can I do in these cases?” You’ll find the answer to this question if you read the following lines, where delves into a series of tips to overcome impossible love . So pay attention, because your emotional stability is at stake.
1. Walk away
In any process of falling out of love, if you want to forget, it is necessary to stop having contact with your object of love . Every time you see that person (or remember them) your brain circuit of reinforcement is activated, which again elicits the neurochemical cascade of falling in love.
In reality, love acts almost like a drug, which means that we tend to detect aspects of the present that remind us of that person all the time, even if they seem to have nothing to do with it. Many things that we perceive refer us to those memories, based on real or imagined events, and in this way we begin to get frustrated for not being able to go back to those times when we did not experience the pain of loss. So we have to fight against this vicious circle by avoiding “exposure” to that person.
That doesn’t mean you can’t see it again, but it is necessary for the brain circuit to weaken, and for that to happen it needs a longer or shorter time. The time required depends on many factors: your self-esteem, the social support you have, the past experiences you have had, etc. So be patient, because it can go on for a long time, although the degree of serenity achieved makes it worthwhile.
2. Accept it
This kind of love is, as its name suggests, impossible . It is not easy to accept, but as hard as this statement sounds, it is part of life. Surely you cannot prevent impossible love from hurting you, but what does depend on you is your attitude towards this phenomenon and how long you wish to remain anchored to suffering. To go on and overcome it you must accept it, otherwise you will only be avoiding facing reality.
3. Tell someone
If you feel that you’re having difficulty getting over it and that pain has taken over your life, you don’t have to keep it to yourself. Obviously you shouldn’t go around singing it to the four winds , but you can tell a good friend about it so that he or she can support you and be there for you in the most delicate moments. This will help release some of the pain and allow you to have someone you can trust.
4. Get on with your life and love it
It is important that you do not become obsessed and paralyzed . To overcome this situation, it is necessary that you continue with your life, set yourself objectives that fit with your own desires and fight to achieve your goals. You must give meaning to your life, because if you are not happy with yourself and do not fight to be happy, it will be difficult to overcome it.
To do this, you should even do things you don’t want to do but know that in the long run you will do well, like socializing more, exercising, etc. The idea is to keep you going.
5. Seek psychological help
In some cases, the person who feels an impossible love sinks , coming to live situations that are really paralyzing and problematic for their own health and quality of life. It may be, for example, that there is a problem of self-esteem or a deficit of social skills in the background, which does not allow them to get out of this emotionally tiring situation.
If you have tried to overcome it on your own and you see that you are not progressing, perhaps you should go to psychological therapy, so that a mental health professional can give you the possibility of knowing and developing different tools to improve your well-being.
- Related article: “The 8 benefits of going to psychological therapy.”