In certain contexts of life, many people feel the desire to forget certain people who were important to them in the past.

Ruptures, mourning processes, dismissals from work… Everyone can have their reasons for feeling frightened by painful memories , but the truth is that sometimes it is good to take action against this form of discomfort.

In this article we will review some of the psychological keys about how to forget someone , even if it is not definitive and it is simply due to the desire to feel better at a bad time.

How can you forget someone?

Once we have met a person that information is unconsciously processed by our higher mental processes.

The face, the voice, the skin color, etc. These are some of the first characteristics that we internalize from others at the moment we meet them, as we get to know someone to a greater degree, discovering new things in this person and they are more and more the characteristics that we memorize. Getting to know someone is a process that takes time, and forgetting someone, too.

The term “forgetting someone” refers to a state of overcoming that is reached when the memory of a person no longer affects us in a negative way . Let’s see how this can be achieved.

Adopting a more realistic perspective

To see things as they really are happening and not as we would like them to be. Avoid denial, face reality as it is, even if you don’t like it at the moment. This will prevent you from wasting time and energy trying to change something you can’t. This is one of the best tips on how to forget someone who has trouble accepting the way their life has changed lately.

2. Not clinging to the past

Understand that time is constantly moving, and that means that circumstances can change from one moment to the next; we must adapt to change. To insist that things are always the same is irrational and unhealthy.

3. Avoid repressing our emotions

We don’t have to shut up about how we feel . In fact, expressing our emotions greatly helps us to forget someone. We should allow ourselves to say what we feel. We can talk about it with a good friend, or go to therapy, if necessary.

4. Taking up old hobbies

Taking time to reconnect with ourselves is essential when we intend to forget someone. Returning to activities that we used to enjoy is a good way to do this; it helps to focus our mind on ourselves and is a way to prevent intrusive thoughts.

5. Give us the opportunity to meet new people

When the time comes, once we have taken time to reconnect with ourselves, it is good to interact with new people. To give us the possibility to meet someone and enjoy the process . Not all men are the same, nor are women…

6. Avoiding Anxiety

Just because they have failed us in the past does not mean that the same thing will happen in the future. Bad experiences serve as a lesson to us; ideally, we should nourish ourselves from them in order to realize in which aspects of our personality we should work to become stronger in the face of adversity .

We don’t have to think that we will do badly in the future, because it doesn’t have to be like that.

7. Avoiding unnecessary contact

This refers to voluntarily decreasing the probability of having information about the person we want to forget . Avoiding calls, text messages, “accidental” encounters… it is even advisable to remove the person from social networks so as not to come across updates.

8. Get rid of the intimacy with that person

The less close we are to the person we want to forget, the closer we will get. This includes both physical and emotional intimacy. Avoiding having long, deep conversations with that person is a goal that we must achieve.

Sleeping with someone you want to forget is counterproductive for both sexes, but it’s especially harmful for women. Physical intimacy causes women to produce oxytocin, a hormone that triggers feelings of connection and affection.

9. Remove any memories from our sight

Even if we have managed to cut the ties of contact with the person we want to forget, it will be particularly difficult for us to do so if we have in visible places in our house objects that bring back the memory of that person , for example letters, anniversary gifts, etc…

The ideal is to get those things out of our sight. We don’t have to throw them away, just keep them in a place where they are not exposed to our eyes.

10. Understand that everything is ephemeral

This step is fundamentally important to our goal, because if we manage to change our thinking about social relations we will also make it easier for us to deal with the natural processes in society.

Oblivion is a natural part of social life . Bearing in mind that nothing lasts forever we can enjoy our relationships in a healthy way, rejoicing in the good times and facing the bad. If it is time to say goodbye, we will be able to do so with our heads held high, knowing that there will always be new people, new experiences.

To conclude

Depending on our personality characteristics, some steps about how to forget someone may be easier than others; we must be able to identify this and put special effort into those that are complicated for us.

Bibliographic references:

  • Dudai, Y. (2006). “Reconsolidation: the advantage of being refocused”. Current Opinion in Neurobiology. 16 (2): 174–178.
  • LeDoux, J.E. (2007) Consolidation: Challenging the traditional view. In: Roediger, H. L., Dudai, Y. and Fitzpatrick S. M., eds. Science of Memory: Concepts. New York: Oxford University Press, pp. 171-175.