Jealousy is to some extent a common circumstance in relationships, it is related to the level of affection you have for the other person, although it also has a possessive component. As long as it does not affect the partner or the person presenting it in a significant way, it does not represent a major problem.

When jealousy crosses a boundary and people’s quality of life is compromised, the best we can do is try to help, and in some cases it is also necessary to seek psychological assistance. In this article we will see how to help a jealous person , as well as reviewing the concept of colopathy.

What is colopathy?

It is a pattern of thoughts and behaviors oriented towards pathological jealousy . To understand how to help a jealous person, it is necessary to understand that this condition is limiting and harmful. The subject is not able to see things as they are happening, but as he imagines them.

The subject with cellopathy is capable of creating fantasy stories in his mind, in order to satisfy an irrational need to inquire into the jealousy that he himself has fed. That is to say, they are jealousies that do not necessarily have to fit with the reality of the facts .

Paradoxically, in his intense desire to keep the couple, the subject ends up distancing them from his life, or else he will end up damaging the relationship to the point of making it dysfunctional for both members. This behaviour is intrinsically related to a high level of insecurity and low self-esteem .

How do you help a jealous person?

In the next few lines we will review some effective methods for bringing help to people who are affected by this jealousy situation.

1. Help him reach acceptance

The first thing we should look for when helping a jealous person is to make him realize that his behavior is being disproportionate, and he ends up accepting that he needs help.

To overcome pathological jealousy, it is necessary to recognize that one is being irrational and exaggerated with respect to the way of seeing and facing up to the doubts concerning the couple’s fidelity. A distance from reality is generated, and it is necessary for the person to notice it.

2. Give her reasons for wanting to change

Once the person has accepted that he has a problem and needs help to overcome it, it is a good idea to give him strong reasons to understand how important it is for him and his relationship to change these inappropriate thought patterns .

You can start by listing a number of advantages, such as; less incensed anxiety, and a higher level of trust with your partner, etc. This will help the other person, whether your friend or your partner, to become willing to change their behavior patterns.

3. Show her ways to detect jealousy

It is probable that jealous people do not know that they are being jealous; for this reason it is necessary that you educate the subject in the recognition of this type of behaviour , when they occur, so that he can recognise them and modulate them when they occur.

Give him examples of situations where he can show the right way to proceed when we have a feeling of mistrust towards our partner, point out that we should not make value judgements, and that it is always best to ask things openly to the couple.

4. Help him change his view of things

This point refers to the fact that as long as we have the ability to make the other person begin to see things as they really are happening and not as he imagines them, then we will be taking good steps through successful help.

Focus on focusing the subject on the real facts and try to get him to move away from the ideas that he has infused himself with by hypothesizing about far-fetched situations that don’t make much sense other than playing him against himself.

5. Encourage him to work on himself

If you get the other person to start investing time in himself, and learn to have a personal space where he can do things he likes, his level of jealousy will most likely decrease considerably.

A busy mind has no time to create jealousy stories when there is not enough information, sometimes it happens that people focus so much on their partner that they forget to do things for themselves. Thus, it is advisable to remind the subject that he too deserves time to enjoy life independently . In the end, being jealous also implies becoming dependent and obsessive.

6. Reinforces couple’s confidence

Make sure that the person you are helping renews her confidence in her partner, it is no use constantly looking for the cat’s 5 paws. If a person is mostly looking to corroborate suspicions about their partner, then they won’t have time to fulfill their role as boyfriend or girlfriend.

Bibliographic references:

  • Mathes, E. (1991). A Cognitive Theory of Jealousy. The Psychology of Jealousy and Envy. New York: Guilford Press.
  • Winston, R. (2004). Human. Smithsonian Institution.