The family is a context of relationships in which it is normally easy to have happy moments, but it is also common for people to believe that their relationship with other relatives can be improved. While arguments between siblings are a constant in certain households with children, it is the relationship with the parents that is most likely to leave problems entrenched for years.
How can I improve the relationship with my parents? This is the question asked by those who, due to differences, past conflicts or misunderstandings of all kinds, see how time goes by and this emotional bond does not give you all that it should.
In this article we will see some tips on how to improve the relationship with parents, and how these guidelines can be applied according to various examples.
Improving the Relationship with Parents
The steps you will find below are general guidelines that work in many cases, although each family is unique and you have to know how to adapt them to what you experience in your day-to-day life.
1. creates expectations of good behavior
One of the mechanisms that facilitate the improvement of a relationship has to do with openly showing that our perception of a person is good or, in the case that we already knew them, that they have changed for the better. In this way, the other person sees a positive reflection of his or her identity, and tries not to miss the opportunity to continue enjoying a good image.
For example, we can thank a parent for a favor he or she has done us, and do so with an emphasis that shows that we especially appreciate what he or she has done for us . It is good to stop and think about and acknowledge his or her effort invested in actions that benefit us and that, out of habit, we often take for granted.
This strategy may seem banal, but with this simple strategy, repeated several times, it is possible to give that little boost needed to improve the relationship, especially in those cases where relational problems were maintained by the inertia of believing oneself despised by the other person.
2. Give them time
To improve a relationship with parents, it is always necessary to spend more time with them. These moments will help to know their points of view, to give them the opportunity to break our expectations about what we think their tastes and opinions are, and of course, to express affection .
For example, you can go from eating at your own time to doing it together, or spend Sunday mornings taking a walk, etc.
3. Remember happy moments together
This is one of the easiest steps to improve the relationship with parents, since it involves simply remembering together and out loud , as if creating a narrative from the memories, in a collaborative way. In this way, the experience lived in the present (sharing a moment with a father, a mother or both) is linked to the positive emotions produced by these experiences.
In addition, it is possible to know facets of what happened in those times that were unknown at the time, which allows for a deepening of the relationship.
4. Recognize their contributions to your life
In most cases, parents do not only give us life; they also raise us and educate us to become functional adults , with the capacity to make different kinds of achievements. Therefore, it is good to make it clear that we are aware of this.
For example, if our professional career was boosted by university studies paid in part by them, this fact can be highlighted in a situation where we are congratulated for a job objective achieved.
5. Do your part in conversations
Part of the family conflict between parents and children is often related to the impatience of the youngest when parents take an interest in their lives. For this reason, some dialogues seem more like interrogations, since the parents ask, and the children respond in the shortest possible way.
This is just a sign that we should invest more effort in establishing enriching dialogues , instead of simply enduring them as if they were torture. You can also ask them to make the words come out more spontaneously from there.
6. Be patient
Parents too have a lot to learn from their children , and this is something we often don’t count on. Assuming that they are adults, it is tempting to think that with little effort they can learn basic everyday things as we have done, especially related to new technologies. But the truth is that the context in which our parents grew up bears little resemblance to our own, and at some point it is harder to catch up with the latest lifestyle trends.
So get yourself together: they’re going to ask a lot of questions about what certain neologisms mean, they’re going to ask you for help with the phone or the computer, and you may have to tell them several times. None of this should try your patience, because as frustrating as this may seem, it is logical that it is harder for them to enter these worlds of the new.