In the world of relationships, several logics are almost always at work. On the one hand, there is that which has to do with personal attraction and which gives us short-term incentives to stay by a person’s side. This in itself can sometimes be confusing, because it is not easy to analyze one’s emotions.

On the other hand, there is the logic of material possibilities, which is all that needs to be done to allow for living together on a continuous basis: earning a salary, having time for one’s partner…

All this makes many people wonder… how do I know if I am compatible with my partner? The small problems and conflicts of everyday life may be just that, but they may also be symptoms of an incompatibility that is more difficult to remedy.

Keys to knowing if you are compatible with your partner

It is clear that every relationship is a world, and there is no universal yardstick that allows us to know the “quality” of a love bond.

However, it is generally useful to look at a number of criteria or facets of a relationship to determine whether there are incompatibilities, given the severity of their problems. Let’s look at it.

1. Is there sustained mutual respect?

This is the first criterion we should look at to see if we are compatible with our partner. Respect is the basis of any non-antagonistic relationship , and of course, in the specific case of love it is paramount.

So it is not enough that there is no direct physical or verbal aggression. The habitual way of relating to the other must be consistent with the value of respect, and sustained over time. The latter is very important, because even in relationships where there is abuse, there can be a cycle of violence in which there is occasional remorse and then the aggression continues.

2. Do you have time to be together?

Each person has their own needs when it comes to setting the minimum amount of time they want to spend with their partner, either daily or weekly. Therefore, it is essential to stop and analyze if these apparently different interests fit together, and if the conditions exist for these expectations to be met.

For example, in long-distance relationships this can be a problem , but if a realistic plan is drawn up whereby both people can spend quality time together, or one where at some point the relationship ceases to be long-distance, then there is no need to talk about incompatibility.

In any case, it is important to note that not all expressions of love compatibility need be purely psychological or emotional in nature; others are material, such as the serious problems caused by long working hours.

3. Is it all based on physical attraction?

In youth, it is frequent to confuse love compatibility with mutual attraction based on the physical, the aesthetic. This is a pattern of behaviour that in the medium and long term gives problems .

That is precisely why it is good to ask ourselves if what keeps us together with our partner is the inertia of what began only with physical attraction. Although technically it is not an incompatibility, it is a source of future and probable serious incompatibilities. Bearing in mind that most people consider relationships to be a stable and very long-lasting bond, it is not superfluous to think about it.

4. Is there asymmetry in communication?

There are times when one of the people in the relationship takes a markedly passive role when there are arguments or conflicts of interest. In other words, they pretend that everything is more or less fine, although in practice they do not manage to hide it completely. In these cases it may be that the other person is interested in making the reason for the problem explicit, or that he or she takes it for granted that in such cases the right thing to do is nothing, so that the conflict does not surface.

When both people have become used to this because they don’t know how to deal with the problems directly , this can constitute an incompatibility. In the long run, it is always the will of one of the parties that prevails.

5. Are there realistic expectations about compatibility?

Paradoxically, becoming obsessed with whether or not one is compatible with one’s partner can be an incompatibility if it leads to demanding from the other person that they conform almost perfectly to what is expected of them. It is important to assume that there are always small frictions between the interests of the people who have been involved in the relationship . The concept of lovers who complement each other perfectly cannot be idealised.

In conclusion

Meeting the requirements we’ve seen doesn’t guarantee that a relationship will work, but it does give a fairly realistic indication of the chances it has of thriving. Taking them into account regularly to see if everything is still good is good, although you should aim to make the love bond more than just a set of desirable objective characteristics.

Love and infatuation must be lived, not simply analyzed.