Usually, after a breakup, either party may be left wondering if the other person still loves them. Love relationships are a complex subject, and not always what is obvious is what it seems.

Sometimes couples break up and it is in that time interval when they remain apart that they realize how much they need the other person, and decide to try again. Of course, this is not an exact science, and it is not what happens in all cases.

In this article we’ll review some of the signs of how to tell if your ex still loves you , and give some pointers on how to proceed in these cases. However, we have to keep in mind that regardless of our suspicions we should always respect the decisions made by the other person, even if that means cutting the relationship off completely.

How to tell if your ex-partner still loves you: various signs

The question of how to know if your ex still loves you is answered mainly by looking at the non-verbal signals sent by the other person. As the saying goes, “You don’t have to speak up to say I love you.

Let’s see what these signs are, but keeping in mind that love and attraction are not the same thing; it is very common that an ex-couple is still attracted to you and even wants to get back into a relationship and does not do it out of love but because she feels lonely or because she wants to go back to her old life.

1. Remains present

If, despite having ended the relationship, the other person continues to make himself or herself known in your everyday life and this is not due to his or her obligations or responsibilities, this is an indicator that he or she is still attracted to you and wants you to notice .

For example, if you meet very often in some places and this is not explained by the neighbourhood you live in or the circles of friends you socialise with, this may not always be coincidental.

2. Try not to lose contact

When the other person insists on keeping in touch after the breakup through text messages, calls to ask trivial questions, and even more indirect contact, such as reacting to posts on your social networks, this suggests attraction. They are an indicator that this person might still have feelings for you .

3. When other people tell you about him or her

This criterion refers to the fact that when some friends you have in common with your ex-partner start talking to you about that person in a suspicious way, as if they wanted us to do something to get back into the relationship, with phrases like “you made a nice couple”, among others…

This particular behavior may not be casual, since many times when a former partner wants to return, she tries to get others to help her get back into the love relationship she had before .

Caution: feeling nerves is normal

Be careful not to confuse nerves with a sign of love , in these cases. The uncertainty and ambiguity in which the relationship finds itself (once it has ceased to be one of a couple) can generate anxiety, and this is independent of whether or not you love the other person.

How we should act against this possibility

If our ex-partner perceives these signals , it is normal that we may feel confused about them , especially considering the time that has passed since the break-up. It is always best to take things slowly, without acting rashly.

We must remember that even though these are pretty clear signs that our ex-partner still likes us, there is a possibility that this may not be the case. Also, taking the time to reflect on our feelings and whether we want to give that person another chance should always be the first step.

After we have determined how we feel about the possibility of that person still liking us is when we proceed to come out of the woodwork. Using assertive communication we talk to our ex-partner and discuss the possibility of meeting in a quiet place. Once there, we openly express our doubt and ask her to give us an answer. This will help close the cycle of uncertainty that possibly existed on both sides.

After we have the other person’s clear answer, we express our thoughts and feelings about it (which we have already meditated on).

What happens next?

Having heard what the other person has to say, and once we have stated our position on it, we will feel that a weight has been lifted from our shoulders.

Regardless of the answer we get from the other person, or the answer we give them, after that moment it will be much easier to go on with our daily life , return to our routine or find new ways of living.

Without the anxiety that could be generated by not knowing clearly what was happening, even after having closed that cycle, the relationship with that person could evolve, and we could begin to see it with different eyes. A friendship could develop from that moment, or we could also realize that the best thing for both of us is to go our separate ways. In either case, the uncertainty and anguish will dissipate.

It is healthy for us to be honest with how we feel, but at the same time to face the reality of things and see them as they really are happening, and not as we would like them to happen .
Final considerations

In these cases the most important thing is to give ourselves the value we have, and not allow our own feelings to play against us. It often happens that the person we have fallen in love with turns out to be negative for our lives, and compromises our mental health. When this happens, we should review the facts carefully, avoiding any cognitive biases that may exist, taking into account our feelings towards the other person.

Remember that your peace of mind is not negotiable , and that relationships are there to make us believe as people, not to limit us.

Bibliographic references:

  • Fehr, B., Russell, J. (1991). The Concept of Love Viewed From a Prototype Perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
  • Laurie, Timothy; Stark, Hannah (2017), “Love’s Lessons: Intimacy, Pedagogy and Political Community”, Angelaki: Journal of the Theoretical Humanities, 22 (4): 69-79.