If there is one thing that is clear in the area of love, it is that interpreting our emotions is sometimes as complicated, if not more so, than playing at guessing what the person we are with feels. The human mind is complex and full of nuances, so, for example, one is not always clear about what one wants.
In the case of love this is especially true, and this is not necessarily bad, but when the relationship is very damaged, this inability to value what is really happening is counterproductive, since through inertia we will tend to continue doing what we always do. Here are some guidelines on how to tell when a relationship has ended .
How to know when the relationship is over
In relationships, this is especially problematic because inconsistencies and unpredictability in one’s goals and motivations can put a strain on commitments. A certain level of tension is relatively normal in any relationship, but when a critical point is reached, it is important to be aware that it is best to cut back.
Because of the myth that love always implies suffering and sacrifice for the other, there are those who, whatever happens, do not even consider cutting and starting over autonomously, letting the other person go. But this is not so: life is short, and there is no reason to bet everything on a specific relationship, indefinitely.
In the following lines you will find several aids to recognize where the limit of what is acceptable is . Note, however, that it is not necessary for one of them to be met in order to have the legitimacy to cut. Each person is free to end a relationship if he or she feels it is best, for whatever reason.
1. Assesses whether there is physical or psychological abuse
This is the first aspect to consider, since abuse is a very clear red line. However, victims of abuse often do not recognize their situation or even justify it unless they stop to think carefully about what is happening. In this sense, psychological abuse can cause problems because it is sometimes somewhat ambiguous or needs a special context to be so.
2. Consider whether there is enough physical contact
Affection and love are expressed not only through words, but also through the sense of touch. However, in couples where there is no longer love, this type of interaction is no longer a frequent habit.
3. Think about how much you care about “what they will say”
Some people stay with their partner simply because cutting off the relationship would have a negative impact on those around them. Group pressure is surprisingly powerful , and it acts indirectly, even if no one has done anything to suggest pressure, simply from our expectations and what we imagine will happen if we go back to being single.
That is why it is worth stopping to think if in the present one of the main reasons why the relationship continues to exist is the desire to please others, to give them a kind image of ourselves. In the end, one of the most direct solutions to the problem of how to know if the relationship has ended is to look at whether it is only being sustained by others, and not by ourselves.
4. Rate the frequency and intensity of fights
This is possibly one of the most popular methods for people to find out whether or not it makes sense to continue a relationship, and it’s easy to see why. Fights are crises with a relatively clear beginning and end , and so it is easy to distinguish them from what is considered normal.
It’s true that strong arguments indicate tension and confrontation, but don’t let them completely capitalize on your concept of what a failed relationship is. As we are seeing, there are many other phenomena that denote problems in the relational dynamic but which, being more discreet, can be overlooked.
5. Are the basic covenants broken?
In every relationship there is a minimum level of commitment, provided that there is a pretense that it lasts longer than a few weeks or months. That is why it is important to look at whether they are fulfilled; this is a sign of the importance that each person gives to being in a relationship with the other.
6. Assess whether you can talk about your feelings with your partner
By definition, a relationship must be a two-way communication link. It is not viable to have a partner and not be able to express important things that we would like him/her to know , as long as this happens because of his/her attitudes, because this means that there is no capacity for the other person to adapt to the variations of what we feel, or even to comfort us in difficult moments.
A couple’s relationship in which only “the facade” is taken into account, what we seem to feel, is incredibly poor.
7. The other person has left us
It may seem silly, but not everyone recognizes the moment when their partner ends the relationship . They assume that it is a joke, a strategy to create pressure, or a way to get even. But this is not the case: when the other person breaks up, what is happening is exactly what it seems, and we do not have the right to pretend that we did not know or to act as if we knew better than the other person what he or she really wants.