Christmas is coming; when I am on my way to the clinic in Marqués del Turia, I see that Valencia is beginning to dress up, to fill up with lights, decorations, colours and joy.

Christmas is par excellence the time of the year for peace and happiness, for gathering as a family to celebrate. However, for some people who have just lost a loved one, it can be a very painful time of year . Everything around us invites us to have fun, to celebrate, to share the joy, and yet for those who have suffered a loss recently, this festive atmosphere contrasts with the sadness felt and the pain suffered. Even people who are religious experience a great contradiction before the celebration of the birth of Christ and the death of a loved one, it is a difficult moment without a doubt.

Therefore, these holidays are a great challenge for these people who, in the face of memories and intensified emotions, feel a lot of sadness for this loss and also have feelings of guilt.

Some of my patients tell me that laughing, having a good time, or enjoying a celebration gives them a great feeling of guilt and feelings that are constantly confronted. During Christmas, it is very common for this feeling of guilt to appear and to feel bad, because everything is an invitation to celebrate and enjoy with the family. If you or a family member or friend are going through this situation, I would like to explain to you that there are some guidelines to manage the Christmas period in a more pleasant way.

Guidelines for managing Christmas in the face of the death of a loved one

Here are some tips to help you get through the grief phase when you are grieving the loss of a loved one.

1. Talk and plan as a family what you are going to do

The first thing I would like to recommend is that if it is a direct family member, have a family meeting to plan the parties, what celebrations are going to be done and what not, in case you do not want to do some, and agree everything as a family.

2. Let yourself be loved by others

Even if you find yourself empty, try to appreciate the tokens of affection that other people give you , and open your heart.

3. Let yourself go and enjoy these dates and the rest of the family, they need you too

Let yourself be carried away by the spirit of Christmas, peace and love, although it may seem hard on the one hand, on the other, it is a good scenario to face the loss, and to go through that mourning that we all have to go through when a family member leaves us. What could be better than to do it as a family, in company, remembering him, and overcoming his loss little by little.

4. Create a reminder

Another guideline that works for many people is to remind the person who has left with a symbol . For example, putting a candle, framing a beautiful photo we have of the person and putting it in a visible place during all the Christmas holidays, putting an ornament on the Christmas tree that reminds us of the person, making a photo album and sharing it with the family during these days, etc.

5. Do not avoid the topic

In many cases the person is not named because it hurts to talk about him/her, but it is beneficial to remember him/her, especially on these dates . For example, before dinner, you can say a few words, or ask for a toast, or perform a special action for that person, like saying a mass in their honor, for example.

6. Don’t feel bad about laughing, enjoying yourself with family or friends

Surely that person who has left would want you to enjoy these moments and remember them with joy.

7. Adapt this process to your needs

Despite all this I say, first of all we must understand that everyone needs his own grieving process, his own times , one way or another. There are people who need to cry and others who do not, there are people who need to express their feelings and others do not need to, or cannot, or decide to do so at another time.

Above all, everyone has to respect each other, and be patient with their own feelings. Little by little everything will go back to normal, but you have to give yourself time . In some cases, however, grief becomes an insurmountable process by oneself, and the help of a professional is needed. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or need more information. A psychology professional can help you overcome stages that you may not be able to face alone.

I hope I helped you.