Bullying is a situation that, unfortunately, many children have experienced – and are experiencing – in schools . It consists of a harassment and mistreatment (physical and/or psychological) towards a person, who is considered the victim.

Fortunately, by denouncing this situation and with the necessary help, we can get out of it. Once we have left, but, there can be psychological consequences that are very important to treat. In this article we will explain how to overcome the consequences of bullying through 8 ideas that can help us.

Bullying: definition and analysis of the phenomenon

Bullying is an experience that can be very traumatic for children and adolescents. It consists of receiving insults, threats, harassment or abuse, either psychological or physical, from one or more people, who are the aggressors. Bullying is a real situation that is increasingly breaking into school classrooms.

This harassment tends to be prolonged in time and to occur in a frequent and recurrent manner towards the victim , who suffers during the period in which he suffers from bullying and after it, through a series of psychological sequelae that may remain. These sequels can manifest themselves in: post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, insecurity, fear, nightmares, psychosomatic symptoms…

On the other hand, many times the victim is a “weaker” person psychologically, or with an evident physical “defect”, which the aggressor uses to ridicule her. However, the key to fighting bullying is not only to attend to the victim, but also, and above all, to the aggressor.

Frequently, moreover, it is the aggressor who feels most insecure , and that is why he needs to hurt someone he considers “inferior”. Through this, she is “empowered” and if she also has people who support her (or allow the situation to continue), who are usually classmates, this makes her feel superior, more powerful.

Overcoming the Aftermath of Bullying

It is for all the above reasons that the work should always be done with both parties (victim and aggressor). In this article, however, we will focus on the victim, and that is why we will propose some keys on how to overcome the consequences of bullying.

1. Ask for psychological help

An essential step on how to overcome the consequences of bullying is to ask for professional help in case you need it . After such an experience, which may have been very traumatic, it is likely that there will be sequelae to deal with, insecurities, fears, etc.

Sometimes it is difficult to manage or solve it yourself without help, because we do not always have the necessary tools to do so. The help we ask for should be adapted to our particular case, and may be psychological, psychiatric or medical help…

2. Accept the experience

Another step on how to overcome the consequences of bullying involves accepting the situation experienced. This does not mean resigning oneself or forgetting about it as if it were not important, on the contrary; it means accepting what has happened to us, what it has made us feel and that, fortunately, the situation has already ended and does not have to be repeated.

This is not an easy or short process, but it is a path that may require a long period of time . Many times it will be essential to go to a psychologist who will accompany us during the process. Accepting the experience will allow us to manage and confront the emotions and consequences caused, to evolve, to continue advancing and to acquire important vital learning.

3. Be clear that it is not your fault

It’s common to feel guilty after experiencing bullying; but just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s healthy, realistic, or “logical. In other words, the guilt of having been a victim of bullying is never ours , even if our head wants us to believe otherwise.

That is why we must be aware that the fault is always the aggressor, and that having these negative thoughts can cause us a lot of harm. So we must keep this in mind, and also not feel guilty for thinking this way.

4. Stay away from negative thoughts

Another tool on how to overcome the aftermath of bullying has to do with the negative thoughts we may have after such an experience. Related to the previous point, we find frequently that victims of bullying have negative thoughts , of insecurity, self-destructive, etc., after such an experience.

As in the previous case, we must move away from such thoughts, either alone or with psychological help.

These negative thoughts can be translated into “you deserved it”, “you are worthless”, “no one will want you”… When they appear in our mind, we can apply techniques such as stopping the thought; that is, saying “STOP!” out loud, or “STOP!”, when such a thought appears, taking a deep breath and doing some pleasant or enjoyable activity (or imagining a pleasant scene).

5. Stay away from resentment

A grudge is that feeling or emotion that we experience towards someone when they have caused us harm; it is a feeling of “revenge”, of anger, negative, that in a certain way ties us to that person and perpetuates our suffering, because it does not allow us to move forward and accept the situation.

Reducing this grudge until it disappears will free us and allow us to continue moving forward , accepting what happened to us but looking again to the future. Many times it will be necessary to go to a professional to help us manage this anger.

Thus, it is not so much a question of “forgiving” the aggressor, but of accepting what happened to us and moving forward.

6. Express what you feel

How can you overcome the consequences of bullying without expressing how you have felt all this time? It is impossible. That is why it is essential to do so, as expressing our emotions, whether positive or negative, will help us to understand what we have experienced and how it has affected us. At the same time, we will be able to analyse our feelings and emotions, and move forward, in order to feel a little better each time .

7. Empower yourself

It is important to be clear that we continue to be valid, true and deserving people of all the positive things that life has to offer, even though – and in spite of – having lived an experience like this. We must trust our worth and our power to transform our reality , as well as to achieve everything we set out to do through effort and self-confidence.

8. Transforming pain

Pain is an affective experience and an emotion that causes us much suffering; however, it has its “positive” side, which is that, besides being an adaptive emotion (necessary to evolve), it is an emotion with the power to make us change things and to make us fight . In fact, it is a natural emotion.

That is why we can transform this pain into other “formats”, such as art and creativity (drawings, poems, stories…). It is a matter of projecting it into other things that do make us feel good and that allow us to bring out our full potential.

Bibliographic references:

  • Irurtia, M.J., Avilés, J.M., Arias, V. and Arias, B. (2009). The treatment of victims in the resolution of bullying cases. AMAzônica, 2(1): pp. 76 – 99.
  • Rodríguez, A.C. and Mejía, Y.K. (2012). Bullying: a phenomenon to be transformed. Duazary: International Journal of Health Sciences, 9(1): pp. 98 – 104.