Jealousy is one of the most harmful phenomena that can be experienced in a love relationship. And although to a greater or lesser extent many people may feel jealousy, there is a difference between what is considered normal and what is considered pathological. Relationships can be complicated, but jealousy undoubtedly contributes to their deterioration and degradation.
Jealous behaviour comes to light because of the unrealistic beliefs and insecurities the person has , and often results in obsessive thoughts that are not healthy at all. It is a couple’s problem that is often not overcome and, in extreme cases, must be treated by a professional, as marked jealousy is often the cause of low self-esteem, a paranoid personality or a possessive character, among other reasons.
How to stop being a jealous person
Jealousy causes great pain and suffering for both partners. If you think you are acting jealously and you think this is affecting your relationship, you better put a stop to your behaviour before the situation enters a vicious circle.
Below you can find a series of tips that will make you think about how you are behaving.
1. Acknowledge that you are behaving jealously
How to stop being jealous or jealous?The following tips will be of no use if you don’t recognize that your behavior is being exaggerated and unhealthy for your relationship.
It is clear that it is not always easy to be self-critical , but surely you are able to recognize that your way of acting is hurting your partner and making you tremendously unhappy.
2. Be willing to change
If you have already acknowledged that you are being jealous, the next step is to do something to transform the way you behave. Change is not easy, especially when you are feeling insecure. If you are aware that you are jealous, you are going to have to transform your way of thinking so that you don’t lose that person you love so much. This can only be achieved with willingness and if you do your part.
3. Detects jealousy
If you have already recognized that you have a problem and are willing to change, you need to detect when you are behaving jealously. Jealousy can manifest itself at many times. For example, c hen you are afraid of being unfaithful, you are invaded by when you know your partner is leaving for a company dinner.
You need to recognise when you lose your temper and whether these thoughts you have are real or are the result of your imagination (i.e. that you have no proof that your partner is having an affair with someone else).
4. Think realistically
Once you have detected that you are behaving too exaggeratedly, it is time to make an effort to change, otherwise jealousy will invade you. If the thought appears in your mind that “your partner is with someone”, think about the times he has shown you his love and the lack of evidence you have to accuse him.
5. Work on yourself
Jealousy is often a consequence of low self-esteem and insecurity. Jealous people, moreover, suffer a great emotional dependence , because they feel a great concern to be abandoned. That is why the first step to overcome jealousy is to work on oneself.
6. Trust your partner
Trust in your partner and jealousy are incompatible, so you need to learn to trust your partner. A healthy relationship is based on respect and mutual trust , so you should let him enjoy his own life. Relationships work when both members have their own space, so don’t spoil what has brought you together and what has made you so happy together.
7. Find out what makes you jealous
It is possible that jealousy may have arisen because of your low self-esteem or because you have had a traumatic experience in an old relationship. So you need to find out what makes you behave this way, because you may have a better understanding of what is going on. Look for clues in your behaviour .
8. Forget the past
Once you have detected what the problem is, if what is making you react this way is the fault of some past relationship, you better turn the page and enjoy the present moment . There is something good about bad experiences, and that is that they make us grow and become better people if we learn from them.
9. Focus on the good in your relationship
I’m sure your relationship has some very good things, and that’s why you’re with the person you love so much. If you don’t want to end it, you’d better focus on the positive things rather than letting your irrational thoughts interfere with your love.
10. Improve communication with your partner
Communication can avoid conflicts in the relationship , so it is good that you spend more time with your partner, communicate with him and know his needs, and show him your trust and respect. And if something worries you, you better tell him. But be careful how you talk about this sensitive topic.
11. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a very powerful tool to improve interpersonal relationships and also jealousy. It can help you to interpret situations more realistically, to improve your emotional self-awareness and to treat your partner and yourself with compassion. All these elements are positive for your well-being and will allow you to see life from another perspective.
To deepen this practice, you can read our article: “Mindfulness: 8 benefits of mindfulness”
12. Go to psychological therapy
It is important to understand that the previous points, sometimes, may not have any effect, because if the jealousy is pathological it is necessary to go to psychological therapy to treat the problem at its root . Whether it is due to low self-esteem, lack of social skills or a traumatic experience from the past, psychological therapy provides tools to overcome this problematic situation.