Relationships and marriages are not always a smooth ride , there are times when the situation gets complicated, as conflicts between members are frequent.
However, many times these problematic situations can even be beneficial, because if the situation is resolved in a mature way, mutual learning can make the couple grow and there is a greater degree of intimacy and rapport.
Relationships are not easy
Because living together is not easy. Each partner has his or her own values, needs, habits, and way of understanding life , and adjusting that to the other partner’s way of thinking is not always simple.
Every person is a world, every couple is a world and every family is a world. Idyllically, adults must set an example and must support each other in everything and contribute equally to family life: in financial contributions, in the education of children… But when one of the two members of the couple feels that he or she is giving more than the other, conflict can arise.
The day-to-day life of a couple or marriage can be stressful
And living this situation on a daily basis makes communication difficult and the relationship difficult. The conflict can end up being the day to day of the relationship and the stress can manifest itself. Many women complain about having to do household chores in addition to their own work, dedicating their whole life to the family.
So it’s not surprising that a survey conducted in the United States, in which more than 7,000 mothers gave their opinions, concluded that husbands generate 10 times more stress than their own children. Forty-six per cent of the participants said that their partners caused highly stressful situations for them.
Husbands and added stress
Some women even claimed that their husbands added work to their daily lives , even giving them more work than their own children. As if that were not enough, some participants stated that while their children hardly gave them headaches, the childish attitude of their husbands bothered them a lot.
In addition, some complained about the fact that their partners did not help them with their daily tasks, so they had no free time. Obviously, these situations were stressful for them, which made them feel very uneasy.
A matter of expectation
According to the researchers, it is possible that these results are due to irrational expectations . Many mothers know that their children will cause them conflictive situations as a result of their age.
However, this is not the case with husbands, who expect them to be a support rather than a burden. “You can expect a child not to understand certain things, but not an adult to behave that way,” explains one participant. Another, adds: “I am physically and mentally exhausted when my husband comes home. I feel like it’s another job to look after him. It is important to remember that a mother’s love can do anything.
And what do the husbands think?
Analyzing the data, we could think that parents are the main cause of the evils of the world . That is why the same researchers decided to find out more about their opinion on this matter. To this end, they carried out a study with 1,500 parents, half of whom admitted having shared childcare with their partner. The strange thing was that of the 2,700 mothers interviewed, 75% said they were doing everything themselves.many fathers also confessed to feeling hurt because they believed they had a secondary role in the family. They also expressed that they would like to be recognized for their efforts from time to time, at least with words of thanks.
This study reveals that there is a problem of communication and expectations in many households. Some parents think they are doing enough and that it is not recognized, while mothers think it is not true.
Whose fault is that?
Leaving aside the data from this study, the reality is that being a parent is stressful enough as it is . In this situation, it is easy for sparks to fly in the relationship and for parents to blame the other partner. Being a parent can cause really complicated moments.
Because if a relationship is already complicated on its own, if you add the work of raising a child to it, increase expenses, etc., the tension can arise at any time. Fathers and mothers do not stop being people and are therefore imperfect. It is important that communication between parents improves and that there is tolerance between them, because the first one who will suffer the consequences of this type of situation is the child himself.
Parents, moreover, also come out of these conflicting situations badly . Several studies found that a stressful marriage, where there is constant conflict, is as harmful to the health of the heart as smoking and increases the chances of suffering from cardiovascular disease in men as well as in women. Furthermore, a recent survey of 300 Swedish women found that the risk of suffering a heart attack is multiplied by three when their marriage is conflictive.
Books for Parents
Almost all parents want the best for their children. But raising a child is complicated, especially with the first offspring. No one is born an expert.
That is why a good text on educational psychology for parents can be very useful , because even with the best of intentions, one does not always educate correctly.
- If you would like to acquire a book on psychology for parents, in this post you will find a great selection: “The 8 most useful books on Educational Psychology for parents.”