The family represents a source of support that is often unconditional, and depending on the age in which we find ourselves this nucleus fulfills different roles that will help us to mature.
But sometimes it may happen that we do not understand why our family acts with us in a way that does not seem the most correct; we consider family members to be unfair and believe that they are not capable of understanding our needs. Such behaviour may create a feeling of hostility towards them.
In this article we will review what to do if you are one of those people who have the typical “I hate my family” thinking . We will look at some effective methods of reconciliation and the best alternatives for such cases.
I feel like I hate my family: what to do?
Facing this situation requires a great deal of personal introspection, that is, evaluating ourselves and reviewing what is going on in us, why we have these feelings towards our relatives. Encouraging our emotional intelligence will help a lot, let’s see how.
1. Recognizing our feelings
This consists of accepting what you feel at first, regardless of whether or not it fits reality. This will help you take the next step, which is to review why you feel that way. The sooner you recognize the feeling and accept it, the closer you will get to overcoming it .
2. Review our family expectations
Many times we pretend that our family provides us with everything and understands us in all cases, forgetting that they also have needs and need understanding. Having realistic expectations as to what you expect to receive from your family helps to avoid frustration levels towards those people.
3. Avoiding the influence of the past
It is common for families to have fights at some point, for a variety of reasons. But we must always remember that conflicts are temporary, although the family is forever . Don’t let old grudges continue to limit your family life together.
4. Find the real reason
This refers to the level of introspection we may have. Once you have accepted your feelings it is time to see why they are there, but be completely honest with ourselves . As uncomfortable as they may be, you must recognize the real reasons for your anger towards them and channel that anger in a constructive way.
5. Keep in mind that your family is part of who you are
Rejection towards relatives could be caused by a rejection towards aspects of our own personality that we don’t like, but that we are unable to recognize or accept. That is why it is important to take the time to evaluate ourselves, before disowning others.
Effective reconciliation methods
Now let’s look at some tools that can be very useful when seeking family reconciliation, when it comes to making the feeling of “hating my family” disappear. After having realized why we were experiencing feelings of discomfort towards our family, it is time to practice new styles of living together . Let’s look at them.
1. Avoiding comparisons
When living together, one should always bear in mind that each person is unique in all aspects.
We should avoid making comparisons between our relatives or between other families and ours . It is always best to accept our loved ones as they are. We must learn to love them.
2. Practice active listening
One of the best ways to avoid conflict is to know how to listen . This means that we should interpret what others are telling us in an assertive way, that is, listening to what they are really saying and not to what we think we understood.
3. Family therapy
Taking into account that families are nuclei made up of people who, although they have things in common, also have differences, family therapy is very useful to make us more tolerant and to learn tools for living together.
Personal alternatives in these cases
When this situation arises in our lives, it is important that we not only focus the solution on collective living, but also on our personal growth , and that we evaluate what aspects of ourselves could be improved.
1. Avoid generalizing
When we say “I hate my family” we are including almost all the members of our family tree , which is totally irrational.
We may have some occasional differences with some members of our close or not so close family, but in either case we must specify with whom exactly there is hostility for specific reasons, in order to deal with this properly.
2. Renew your ties with your family
This refers to putting into practice new ways of relating to them, being aware that the previous ways were not healthy, and looking for the best options to be at peace with the family.
3. Learn from adversity
When we go through difficult times in our lives, including family conflicts, we can always draw a valuable lesson from that . Keep in mind that you can’t avoid conflict, but you can learn from it to lessen and avoid repetitive arguments.
- Stoop, D. and Masteller, J. (1997). Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families. Regal.
- Neuharth, D. (1999). If you had parental control. Harper’s pocketbook.