“I need to talk to someone” is a recurring idea that arises in the minds of those who feel emotionally bad, either because of a psychological disorder with biological causes (such as endogenous depression) or because of painful events that have occurred in their lives, such as a divorce, an episode of sexual harassment or a feeling of loneliness.

The truth is that it is normal to want to express what we feel when psychological pain wears down our quality of life. On the one hand, having someone to talk to helps to sort out our ideas, the thought system from which we perceive and analyze what is happening. On the other hand, feeling someone’s support and empathy is often something we need to overcome that situation and move forward.

In this article we’ll see some key ideas useful for those moments when we feel that need to talk to someone who will listen to what we’ve been through and how we feel, an experience more common than it seems and capable of reaching anyone. Sometimes the help of psychologists will be necessary, and sometimes friends, partners or family will be enough.

Possible solutions to “I need to talk to someone”

That you feel you need to explain to someone how you feel is not casual . One of the most important aspects of overcoming bad moments is to understand the meaning of what makes us feel bad, and this is often something that is very difficult to do alone, without help.

Especially considering that sadness, melancholy or anxiety often does not allow us to think well, or to do so in a sustained and systematized way, something necessary to reach coherent conclusions.

Now, what should we do about this “I need to talk to someone about what’s wrong with me” feeling? Here are some tips.

1. Don’t hold on to prejudices about others

The moment when we open up to show our vulnerabilities and express the discomfort we feel works through different behavioural codes than what happens most of the time in social relationships. Normally everyone may try to show the best version of themselves and act as if they don’t have serious problems, but if you show your vulnerabilities in an honest way and in an intimate context, it’s more likely that others will reciprocate and support you fully in that action , and will even show themselves to be vulnerable by talking to you about similar experiences.

So don’t take it for granted that the reaction to what you’re about to say is indifference or mockery; this only happens in clearly damaged relationships, which you probably already know how to recognize in your everyday life.

So, look for support in those you know appreciate or love you , and don’t use the fear of non-acceptance as an excuse for not taking the step to say what’s wrong with you and how you feel. You would be surprised how much even relative strangers can care about your well-being.

2. Find the right context

Even if you feel very bad and feel a certain urge to express yourself, it is important that you choose the right place, the right time and the right person . This is even more important than starting the conversation with all your ideas in order and properly defined (something that you probably won’t achieve in your state of discomfort, at least before starting the conversation).

If you don’t plan for these three fundamentals, the first contact with someone who is there to support you is likely to be less than smooth and frustrating, for example, because there is too much background noise or because the other person has responsibilities to attend to and only has a few minutes.

Expressing how you feel is important: deserves that you take that moment seriously and plan it just as if it were a formalised and noted appointment in your diary. If not, you may even have to deal with an added problem: fears, insecurities and prejudices about what it means to open up to others. If this happens, you’ll tend to want to isolate yourself more and communicate less, so that you may consider finding a solution to your psychological pain.

3. Don’t look for total understanding

The goal of talking to someone about what makes you feel bad is not to be understood perfectly . This is impossible, because every person is unique and experiences what happens to them in different ways.

What you must look for, besides the empathic connection, is precisely the plurality in the way of seeing things: alternative points of view that help you to achieve a more constructive and less dramatic and defeatist perception of what is happening to you. Remember that the fact that you have lived what has hurt you does not necessarily make you have a more objective perspective of reality; many times, it happens exactly the opposite.

Find your psychologist

As we have seen, talking to someone about the problems that make us feel bad can be a great help, but many times something else is needed. The professional help given by psychologists specialised in psychotherapy and psychological assistance is a resource that helps us to overcome situations of emotional pain and problems in our way of relating to the environment and to others.

In fact, there is even the possibility of going to couples’ therapy or family therapy , for those cases in which what fails is not so much in us as in our interactions with other people from our closest social circles.
Finding a psychologist means much more than just having someone to talk to: it gives us the opportunity to have a professional expert in human behaviour who can help us learn new ways of feeling, thinking and behaving in a constructive way and in accordance with our interests and values.

In other words, it is not simply a process of expressing feelings, but the information we give the psychologist serves to help us make progress throughout a training in which we modify our habits to become better equipped to manage problems and sources of discomfort .

Going to psychotherapy is learning the theory and practice of how to regulate our emotions and our decision-making in difficult situations. In addition, it is not necessary to have a diagnosed illness or disorder to go to psychological therapy: sometimes the discomfort that affects us does not fit the definitions and labels used in mental health manuals.

Now… how do you find a psychologist who can help you?

Directory of Psychologists for Professional Help

It is necessary to take into account that there are different profiles of psychologists specialized in therapy, and it is necessary to know how to choose according to their areas of specialization and location. Fortunately, there are relatively simple ways to quickly find a psychologist to talk to and who can offer professional help.

In the Psychology and Mind Directory you can access the profiles of psychotherapists offering therapy in your city. It is currently available in several countries, and allows you to see at a glance what the specialties and qualifications of each professional are.

Click here to access the Spain section of the directory, here to enter the section for users residing in Mexico, and here to access the Colombia section.

Referencias bibliográficas:

  • Centro Nacional de Colaboración para la Salud Mental. Depresión. (2009). The treatment and management of depression in adults (edición actualizada). National Clinical Practice Guideline Number 90. Londres: Sociedad Británica de Psicología y Real Colegio de Psiquiatras.
  • Nomen Martín, L. (2007). El duelo y la muerte. El tratamiento de la pérdida. Madrid: Pirámide.