It is quite normal that, when we stop to evaluate what other people mean to us, we draw very radical conclusions, without half-measures. When it comes to feelings, we tend not to see grey: everything is either white or black. This may have to do with our need to believe that our lives have meaning because we are linked to exceptional people, but at the end of the day, experience shows us that we all have flaws.

Now… what happens when we specifically focus on the world of matchmaking? After all, even though all people have imperfections, we can still believe in the ideal partner . Simply put, this would be the one who, regardless of their defects, fits us perfectly.

But is this a reasonable idea, or is it just a fantasy? In the end, just as we may believe that there are no perfect people, we may consider that there are also no relationships free of any fault . Do ideal couples really exist?

What is an ideal match?

As we have seen, the main characteristic of an ideal couple is that, in theory, they are 100% compatible with us. Someone who, for example, has some weaknesses that are compensated for by the strengths of the person with whom he or she is in love. Or, on the other hand, someone who is able to adapt to the needs of the other person.

This description of what an ideal couple is should take us away from that stereotypical idea of husbands or wives who are smiling all day long and constantly showing a facet of a TV character in a series for the whole family. An ideal couple has its bad moments, but these do not completely break the dynamics of the relationship.

This idea isn’t entirely crazy, but it’s a trap. This trap is that the simple fact of having the concept of “ideal partner” as a reference can lead us to underestimate those people who are really perfectly valid to occupy an essential place in our lives. Having expectations set on an ideal distracts us from real people , those who really exist.

The Refuge of Expectations

With the concept of the ideal partner, something similar occurs in people who, instead of changing their reality, are content to imagine a better one.

Fantasizing about being with a perfect person can be enjoyable, but it cannot be a substitute for a true emotional life. In the end, in itself, someone who only exists in our imagination does not have to have characteristics that disappoint us. The fact of imagining someone perfect implies that we will imagine someone incomplete .

On the other hand, someone really does have hundreds of characteristics that are not ideal, but that is because he exists: because his physique is one way and not another as it suits us, because his personality does not depend on our interests at every moment , and because his abilities have to do with a whole history of learning and passing through life, not with the improvisation of the activity of fantasizing.

A type of disguised solitude

The search for the perfect partner is, paradoxically enough, a way of committing to solitude and perpetuating isolation. As long as a person has in mind the idea that their love life should be focused on the search for someone ideal, they will not only feel separated from other people because of an emotional barrier.

Moreover, this situation may involve the danger of committing herself in the long term to that isolation which she does not really enjoy, but which she tries to nourish.

Why? Because if someone believes they are waiting for the ideal partner, they find in that belief a justification for their loneliness. He dresses her up in a disguise of nobility, of romanticism, as if going through that long wait made us better or exposed us more to the possibilities of reaching a person who by definition does not exist.

When someone realizes that they have been investing time and money in a search that shows no signs of being determined soon, they become obsessed with continuing it, to make sense of the sacrifices of the past.

This obsession can become even more dangerous if it has to do with finding the ideal person. The reason for this is that whoever takes seriously the idea of the perfect partner, will probably have reserved for that imaginary figure a very important role in the life one expects to have in the future.

A trap in love

In conclusion, the idea of the ideal partner is not only unrealistic. It can also be harmful for certain people who are prone to take this concept very seriously. Living from an imagined future often does not compensate for the frustrations of the present.