A fundamental pillar for making the couple’s relationship last is communication. But not just any kind of communication; it is necessary to learn how to handle assertive and honest communication strategies to adequately deal with problems in the couple’s relationship.
In this article we are going to review the different ways in which the lack of communication in the couple affects negatively the love bond , preventing a healthy development of the quality of life of the members that conform it and of their way of interacting in the day to day.
The importance of communication in love relationships
Partnerships are primarily based on trust to create a strong bond that keeps two people together, and communication is an intrinsic part of the process of trusting someone. When we trust we are able to express our feelings, emotions and opinions in a frank and open way with the other person.
In this way, it is possible to understand why the lack of communication in the couple complicates the fact that the relationship works properly. Avoiding the uncomfortable topics and pretending the problems don’t exist is counterproductive, the ideal is to talk about solutions, as well as keeping the other person in the loop about what you think and feel about all sorts of significant issues.
It is important that those couples with communication problems are able to recognize this situation in time, so that they can look for the necessary tools with which to improve this aspect of their relationship. Otherwise, the emotional bond will become dysfunctional .
How does lack of communication affect the couple?
Below we will review a list with the main consequences of the lack of communication in the couple’s relationship.
1. Passive-aggressive attitude
The passive-aggressive communication model can significantly harm the partner in times of conflict. The passive-aggressive attitude is based on appearing composed, a calm expression, a moderate tone of voice, and making it seem as if nothing is happening when in fact we are irritated and we make it known in an indirect and ambiguous way.
If you are able to stay calm or collected during discussions, avoid your words being hurtful directly or indirectly ; it is not enough to maintain an appropriate tone of voice and good composure when what you say hurts the other person.
2. Not knowing how to listen
This problem is one of the most common for couples, and is a consequence of the lack of communication in the relationship. It is common to see how in conversations people listen in order to respond, rather than to understand the message that the other person wants to convey to them. The longer this situation continues, the greater the negative consequences it leaves.
When this happens during discussions, they become increasingly heated, and never reach a conclusive point, because the partners are constantly interrupted, preventing anyone from expressing their views normally.
3. Anger problems
Difficulties in controlling one’s emotions, and especially anger , have a significant impact on the couple’s coexistence. This situation generates a vicious circle in which the feeling of anger makes us transmit ideas in the wrong way, and bad communication styles make us feel anger.
The best thing to do in this situation is to apply good emotional recognition, so that we can know immediately that we are angry and avoid acting or saying things for as long as this emotion remains. In this way, we will be the ones to control the anger, and not the other way around.
4. Negative reviews
When we complain excessively and negatively about our partner , it reveals that we are doing something wrong in the communicative process. The criticism is linked to problematic circumstances that we have not been able to resolve.
If there is something you don’t like about your partner, it’s best to tell her and find a solution together. But if instead what happens is that you criticize his behavior without having the slightest intention of solving the original conflict, it is time to rethink the communication styles that are handled.
5. Ignoring the partner
Ignoring the partner is the most obvious form of miscommunication that exists . It is the total omission of any interest in improving the negative situation that damages the relationship. When we ignore it, the implicit message we are sending is that we are not interested in doing something to improve the functioning of the relationship.
Offenses against the partner only make the initial situation worse. Disrespecting each other while having an argument is the equivalent of putting more wood on the fire. We generate a much more tense atmosphere where anger and frustration take over the moment.
7. Stubborn attitude
Not giving in is one of the things that keeps us from communicating properly with our partner. Sometimes it is better to lower our guard and accept that we may have acted in an exaggerated way when faced with a situation.
Doing this does not imply weakness or submission, on the contrary, it reflects that we are mature enough to understand that we are not always right and there are times when we must accept that we have been wrong, always learning from our mistakes.
8. Focus only on ourselves
While it is true that we should always have self-respect and not allow our partner to be above our needs, it is also necessary to understand that relationships are the business of (at least) two people , and we cannot just focus on ourselves.
The ideal is to learn to see the needs of the other person as important as well, in order to reach adaptive agreements, which will bring benefits to coexistence and generate an atmosphere of equality in the couple.
What to do to fix it?
The possibility of attending couples’ therapy should be one of the options that every couple going through this kind of problems should consider. In these sessions, working to improve the quality of communication is a central aspect of psychological intervention. However, it is necessary to worry about finding a good psychologist.
- Fehr, B., Russell, J. (1991). The Concept of Love Viewed From a Prototype Perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.